this is creepy... (girlfriend, how to, women, older)

[Tia 914]

a situation which has been bothering me because it creeps me out:
this question is mostly for the ladies, although if CD's male population has any insight that would be good also...

have you ever known a guy who didn't seem to realize/notice that you were female? note, I'm not referring to interest or lack of, I'm referring to someone who acts as if & relates to you as if you are a guy.

not sure exactly how to explain this; figure it this way: if you're with a number of other people, whether they're people you know well or not, like co-workers/acquaintances/etc., and you're talking with these people, there is probably a very slight & natural change in your demeanor when you switch from talking to a person of one gender to the other. it's like a basic, natural, & probably unconscious acknowledgment that there's a difference between "your friend Joe" and "your friend Susan."
when a person doesn't acknowledge that there's a difference, doesn't even seem to realize it, what does that mean???

anyone ever experience this or possibly understand what it's about?

[yoyogirl]

.

[WestCobb]

Can you give some examples? Does he say things like, "Dude, I just took a righteous sh*t; you should check it out!"??? Or, does he lean in when you're walking together and say, "Hottie 5 o'clock!!! Bro, check that out!" What norms does he break?

[malamute]

I don't think it means anything. It just means the guy is capable of having girl pals. It just means that when he has to move some furniture, he's just as likely to call you if he knows you're off work that day. Some women like that kind of guy around because they'll also call on the guy to help them move furniture when they need help. It also means that guy's girlfriend really doesn't need to be jealous.

[sierraAZ]

Originally Posted by Tia 914

have you ever known a guy who didn't seem to realize/notice that you were female? note, I'm not referring to interest or lack of, I'm referring to someone who acts as if & relates to you as if you are a guy.

Well, many monikers don't necessarily imply gender. I for one find it annoying, but it's people's free choice to go with whatever they want. Eventually, after reading some of their posts, you find their gender out. That's the case with most; however, there are some (very few) who deliberately avoid any gender reference and you may not know whether they're men or women for a long time. In my experience, it's mostly done by men. Again, I find it annoying, but it's their preference.

[Tia 914]

Originally Posted by WestCobb

Can you give some examples? Does he say things like, "Dude, I just took a righteous sh*t; you should check it out!"??? Or, does he lean in when you're walking together and say, "Hottie 5 o'clock!!! Bro, check that out!" What norms does he break?

yeah, there have been a few " " comments like that... but what I mean is he doesn't seem to grasp that there's any difference...

this is how it started: one day I went to visit a former neighbor, an older guy I'll call Dave, & this other guy was there talking to Dave. I walked in, Dave introduced us, & this guy goes "oh I'm just here asking Dave's advice about women"... well, he spoke to Dave, he spoke to me, & it hit me immediately that he actually did not seem to realize that there was any difference (gender) between Dave and me... creeped me out then, & has ever since. I mean it makes me quite uncomfortable.

to top it off, I've noticed when he talks to other women, whether he likes or dislikes them the "unconscious acknowledgment" that he's talking to women is present, so it can't be some kind of "anti-female hang-up."

[WestCobb]

Tia, you're right; it's weird. Maybe the next time this happens you should invite him to a discussion with the gals about menstrual cycles or the change. See how that works. I know that would work wonders in changing my approach to you, if I were treating you like one of the dudes.

[BangBangShrimp]

Originally Posted by Tia 914

yeah, there have been a few " " comments like that... but what I mean is he doesn't seem to grasp that there's any difference...

I'm still a bit confused. Do you actually think that he believes you're a male?

[Tia 914]

Originally Posted by BangBangShrimp

I'm still a bit confused. Do you actually think that he believes you're a male?

no, I don't see any way he could "believe" that- I'm just average-looking, & there's nothing wrong with his eyesight

[Tia 914]

Originally Posted by WestCobb

Tia, you're right; it's weird. Maybe the next time this happens you should invite him to a discussion with the gals about menstrual cycles or the change. See how that works. I know that would work wonders in changing my approach to you, if I were treating you like one of the dudes.

I don't know if I could do that with a straight face

maybe I should add: this is one of those environments where "guys stick to guys & women stick to women"-- I'd call it the lower-class redneck mentality... the concept of platonic friends like I've had all my life doesn't exist here... that's why I've never approached him directly about the subject, it'd most likely be "taken the wrong way"