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Hogwash. Men cheat even when their marriage is full of sex.
Telling the OP that "when" her husband cheats it will be her fault is a disgusting statement. It's always the woman's fault, huh?
Some do, but if you do read the listed reasoning behind most of the ones that do for each sex, lack of sex is the reason for 98% of them, as is lack of an emotional connection for women who cheat.
Not that it's an excuse, or in this case it's her "fault", but if you read anything about cheating like this you'd believe in 100% of the cases it was entirely the guy screwing everything up each time. Which I find to be complete BS.
My only hope is I can actually find a grown-up woman who can voice what her needs are, and actually listen in turn to my own, and the both of us actually be willing to follow it through with actions.
Looking at porn every once in a while is normal, being addicted to it isn't. If he is willing to get help or cut it back because it hurts your feelings then I don't see it as a reason for divorce. But honestly, if you guys are only having sex once a week, and my guess is you're not to enthusiastic about it, you also need to see what you can do to help that. It's obvious that for whatever reason he's unhappy, and if the happiness isn't brought back someway or somehow then it's probably game over. Although I know you're not going to do it when don't want to, and it's not right to pretend you want to when you don't, to be honest I know that if me and my wife were only having sex once a week and it was obvious that she wasn't enjoying herself, it would only be a matter of time before I was looking for it elsewhere. If not for anything else, it would be to feel wanted again.
Some do, but if you do read the listed reasoning behind most of the ones that do for each sex, lack of sex is the reason for 98% of them, as is lack of an emotional connection for women who cheat.
Not that it's an excuse, or in this case it's her "fault", but if you read anything about cheating like this you'd believe in 100% of the cases it was entirely the guy screwing everything up each time. Which I find to be complete BS.
My only hope is I can actually find a grown-up woman who can voice what her needs are, and actually listen in turn to my own, and the both of us actually be willing to follow it through with actions.
So far, the outlook is fairly grim on that front.
I know the statistics. But I was referring to this particular woman and her husband. I think that this woman has a lot on her plate. She has two young children and a husband who is an alcoholic and a drug addict. He also is insensitive and rude to her. And he most likely isn't much of a father due to his drinking, drugs and porn activities which are surely not focused on family time or meaningful time with his wife. And maybe the drugs and alcohol cause problems in the bedroom, if you get my meaning.
All the above can make for a frustrated, unfulfilled, anguished wife. Those are not feelings that make a woman feel like she wants to be closer to her husband. It just causes more distance. Perhaps he should take a good look at himself to see what he can improve to make himself more desirable to her. Right now he's not offering much as an attraction. When is he going to step up to the plate and take some responsibility?
All the above can make for a frustrated, unfulfilled, anguished wife. Those are not feelings that make a woman feel like she wants to be closer to her husband. It just causes more distance. Perhaps he should take a good look at himself to see what he can improve to make himself more desirable to her. Right now he's not offering much as an attraction. When is he going to step up to the plate and take some responsibility?
Again, this is just from what she writes. Also, she mentions he did see a counselor, he improved, then quit.
So, by your definition he did already. If he's a sucky douche who doesn't wish to change anything, hasn't stepped up to the plate in the past why is it suddenly divorce material now?
I see no mention of working with counselors herself, or otherwise trying to resolve this together. What I see so far from the post is her ignoring things to the point of absurdity, as well as him, now simply thinking the grass will be greener elsewhere, seeking a few posts on some board to justify bailing outright. I see no mention of separating with any adult conversation, specifying to him her problems and how dire they are. Or him doing the same in any adult fashion, from what she's describing.
Again, with nothing else to go on but her original lengthy one paragraph post on the matter, and her not elaborating at all.
she mentions he did see a counselor, he improved, then quit.
No, she said he didn't take it seriously, which translates into he doesn't care about their relationship. Why would he be divorce material now, because he hasn't done anything presently to suggest he cares about the marriage. She said she went to therapy with him, so I will assume she would have continued if he didn't stop.
Man, what's the problem? A guy needs his fix. She has stated that she doesn't want it anymore.
Oh come on, blame it all on her why don't you?
Ok, women stay out.... this isn't for you.
Ok, married guys who aren't getting any, want to increase your sex life?
It's easy to figure why your wife isn't interested anymore, she tired. Be honest guys, how many of you have wives that work all day at a job but when you come home you watch television or play on the computer while she does dinner, tends the kids, cleans some, does one or two loads of laundry etc, etc while you play on the puter?
Come on, be honest.
What part of "she's tired" don't you get?
How to have a great weekend.
Start the foreplay 24 to hours ahead of time making a special effort to make her Friday evening easy. Be there, don't turn on television but help with the kids. Help with dinner and stick around to help with the dirty dishes.
On Friday night I want you to find somewhere the kids can go Saturday evening or maybe even with grandma and grandpa overnight. Maybe a cousins house or something but make sure you got a full six hour window without kids Saturday evening.
Later Friday night tell your wife you have something special planned for Saturday and what she needs to do is leave the house around noon to go shopping, see relatives or old friends whatever. Get her out of the house and give her the opportunity to do whatever she wants to do on a Saturday for a change.
When she leaves you do the housework. Won't take long if you really tackle it. Couple loads of laundry, vacuum, dust, mop the kitchen floor and for Gods sake do the dishes if you don't do anything else.
Get fixings for a nice home cooked meal. I always liked a nice steak on the barbeque because it was easy for me to clean up after. Chilled wine, nice salad, baked potato (call your mom and get directions if you have to but I think it's 400 deg for an hour 15 minutes) table set for two complete with candle. Something nice for desert and this could be something as small as a bowl of ice cream or maybe a piece of pie.
Earlier you want to the Hallmark store and bought a "I love you" card. Cost $2. While out you went by the florist and bought a single red rose. It doesn't have to be a dozen just a single rose will do it's the thought that counts. $4.
If you got a little extra money something from Victoria's Secret always worked wonders... wrapped (the girls at the counter will wrap for you making it easy) and whatever you pick your wife will love it.
After dinner make sure SHE sits in front of the television while you do all the dishes and clean up.
The card and the rose she gets before dinner.
The Victoria's Secret she gets after dinner after you cleaned the kitchen really well including putting all the dishes away so when she looks she sees there isn't any work for her to do.
Go to bed. Have fun because she'll probably feel in the mood.
Our wives today are overworked and, like you, their stress levels are high at this time. Do your job as a loving husband and lower the stress level.. you will be happy you did.
This never failed to work for me. They love it.
PS
Was on a roll and forgot this was porn. Porn is never allowed into the home. Period. Not allowed. Good sex starts with love.
No, she said he didn't take it seriously, which translates into he doesn't care about their relationship. Why would he be divorce material now, because he hasn't done anything presently to suggest he cares about the marriage. She said she went to therapy with him, so I will assume she would have continued if he didn't stop.
My point to that is, I have serious doubts that someone that is that flippant about their marriage now suddenly became so.
Some do, but if you do read the listed reasoning behind most of the ones that do for each sex, lack of sex is the reason for 98% of them, as is lack of an emotional connection for women who cheat.
Not that it's an excuse, or in this case it's her "fault", but if you read anything about cheating like this you'd believe in 100% of the cases it was entirely the guy screwing everything up each time. Which I find to be complete BS.
My only hope is I can actually find a grown-up woman who can voice what her needs are, and actually listen in turn to my own, and the both of us actually be willing to follow it through with actions.
So far, the outlook is fairly grim on that front.
Agreed.
I hate to lay this problem back on the OP, but by her own admission she has no interest in sex and gets no enjoyment out of the very limited sexual activity they have. It's not surprising that the husband is looking outside the marriage.
The OP needs to address her sex drive issue, and hopefully involve her husband in that. Hopefully if things change for the better there, he'll make the changes HE needs to make.
I hate to lay this problem back on the OP, but by her own admission she has no interest in sex and gets no enjoyment out of the very limited sexual activity they have. It's not surprising that the husband is looking outside the marriage.
The OP needs to address her sex drive issue, and hopefully involve her husband in that. Hopefully if things change for the better there, he'll make the changes HE needs to make.
I really cannot believe the ignorance of blaming the wife here for her husbands ADDICTION. The man has a problem he needs professional help for - her sex drive, or lack of it, DID NOT cause his problem, and trying to "improve" their sex life is not going to solve this
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