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Old 08-10-2009, 07:45 PM
Location: Land of 10000 Lakes +
5,554 posts, read 6,737,720 times
Reputation: 8575


I thought long and hard about this some years ago. My kids were grown and gone, and I had learned to enjoy my independence i.e. my own space, decor, and I just had a feeling we would be happier not getting on each other's nerves. We would be free to come and go to each other's house (living close by, if not right next to each other) at any time. He could paint in his studio without interruption and I could do whatever I liked during this time and we would be happy to come together at the end of each day.
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Old 08-10-2009, 08:05 PM
Location: LES & Brooklyn
1,209 posts, read 2,927,870 times
Reputation: 1242
Angry Stick a fork in me ...... I am soo DONE!

You've got to be kidding me! And I still can't get over the fact of taking separate vacations... Now this....
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Old 08-10-2009, 09:53 PM
Location: Land of 10000 Lakes +
5,554 posts, read 6,737,720 times
Reputation: 8575
Oh never would I want a separate vacation. Just a few hours daily vacation.

If anyone likes this arrangement, I'm willing to bet they're probably middle-aged. When I was young, I never would have gone for this.
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Old 08-11-2009, 10:58 AM
Location: Upstate NY
1,289 posts, read 2,719,775 times
Reputation: 3695
I can understand it if one or both of the people in the relationship are military and stationed apart. I can understand it if there are children involved and the parents don't want to uproot them (my mother waited until I graduated from high school to even consider moving in with he SO at the time). I can kind of understand it if one person has a decent/good job already and the other is still in college or something.

But I think its gotta' be rough on both people if they're married and living far apart (unless one of them is cheating--then its probably easier for them).
Personally, I think its hard enough living nearly 2 hours away from my SO (and hard on my gas bill). I couldn't imagine being married and living far apart for a long period of time. I think I'd rather wait until we could live together to get married if possible.
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Old 11-11-2009, 04:06 AM
1 posts, read 5,452 times
Reputation: 10
Default A bit different situation

Hi - My wife and I have been living in two different houses since May of this year. BTW - we have been together and married for 20 years. Not all the years were happy ones but that has seemed to revise itself over the last 10 years or so. Anyway, the two domiciles happened for a several reasons.
1 - We own two houses. The 2nd house (for future retirement) was put up last year when it we came to the conclusion that if we didn't, it might get more prohibitive as time passed and questionable stock market performance drove our investments lower than they already had been. When we put the house up in 8/08, deisel fuel was already at $5 a gallon - driving the price of construction up. So we built the 2nd home and one of us needs to watch each house.
2 - I am retired from teaching after 20 years. Total years working - 40+/ I couldn't stand the state we live in (MA) and years back we bought land in NH where I fell in love the area and the "off the grid" style of living. My wife loves it up here also and will join me - but not for a few years. It wold be a financial hardship for us.
3 - My wife still needs to work and supplies me with my medical needs. I have retired because the high stress was killing me (I'm on 6 meds) and I couldn't do it anymore. It was retire or die before I could enjoy some free time. We had savings sufficient for me to start our retirement life while she finishes up in the state I call my mortal enemy. I hate MA!
4 - My wife has two very ill parents who have round the clock care in their home. We have never really been close as both her parents have always been extremely narcissistic - that is why they still live in their home. We believe that no facility except a mental facility would take her mom. Her dad refuses to leave the house and says he will die there. I cannot base my existance on his wants as he always seems to get what he wants and has never really worked hard in this life. His nickname for me was "stupid." Although he hadn't worked for over 13 years when I met him, he had no problem stating that "since you are a teacher, you can work two jobs - what with all the free time you have." Additionally, he is a sort of playboy who addresses women as "gals." I have to say my wife would tend to agree with me.
5 - My wife actually picked our land and our house. I am sort of the custodian here - taking care and recorded how living up here seems to be. Actually, she is here right now - sleeping. She will go back to our other house today. She has been here since Saturday.
6 - We get together for extended stays every few weeks. We talk at the end of the day for over a half hour on our family plan blackberries and we send each other pictures almost on a daily basis. Facebook makes it even easier - although my computer is on dialup.
7 - We knew this was coming for the past 7 years. The timetable was that when our son went off to college, I would retire and stay on the land. At first we vacationed here in a very nice RV - we had a campsite built for us. Now the RV is gone, the son is in college and she and I are three hours apart. We actually talk more on the blackberries than we did when we lived in the same house.
8 - We have common interests in politics - we can't stand communism and tell each other the latest moronic things we have come across on a daily basis. However, we do tend to like different TV shows. She can watch the reality stuff and I gravitate more to cerebral stuff. But we seem to like the same movies.
So that is the story.
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Old 11-11-2009, 08:08 AM
Location: Southern California
890 posts, read 2,784,885 times
Reputation: 811
I would love to have my own place, or at least my own room where I decor it with my own way - minimalist and clutter free!
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Old 11-11-2009, 08:14 AM
943 posts, read 2,279,916 times
Reputation: 526
Originally Posted by LoveBoating View Post
I've heard more and more about couples who live apart (two different homes) because of jobs. This NEVER use to happen years ago!
True situations from here in Jax, FL:

We have a neighbor in the apt. complex who is 30 + is sharing an apt. with her mom because her husband is living/working in the same State, but on the southern end of it. She told us that he will be there for another year at least, but he does try come to see her a couple of times a month for a weekend.

Another lady here, has an apt. across from ours and her husband lives/works in the State above us. She told us that he makes much better money there than here. Their living situation does seem to bother her when we ask how he is doing.

Yesterday my wife and a young lady were talking at my wife's job and the young lady told her that her husband is living/working in Indiana. She moved here to Jacksonville and was waiting for him to come down. She talked to him the other day and he told her he that he wasn't going to move down here and didn't want her coming up there (to see him)! Well, well, well, so just what happened here (my wife wondered, but didn't say anything to the girl).

So, my question is: Is the economy breaking couples up or what the "H" is happening??? I understand marrying someone in the military who might be gone for some months, but this is different. Wife and I do come from the "old school" of thought and marriage (we are 60/61 yrs old) and just WOULDN'T live apart for any reason.
So "enlighten" us on what's going on and.......have you done this or would you do this??????
To me this represents more skewing of American priorities, what is the use of making all that money if you live so far away from your spouse? Where you have no family and personal life? This is taking the migrant worker theme even further in America. No longer are we to be serfs who leave friends and family for the "economy" but now the immediate family as well. Some of this is people who cant sell homes, who are trapped, or trying to make ends meet or arrange to sell house and other lifestyle but in the middle of things, like a poster above, but other times, there are those who have elevated the career above all else including the spouse.
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Old 11-11-2009, 08:30 AM
49 posts, read 84,242 times
Reputation: 50
What in the world! This world is changing soooooo much! I'm old school.. I'm young, but I am so old school, and could not handle my wife living in another state, or like 500 miles away for years.. I could handle it for like 1 month! I don't have wife though, but thats how I would feel! I sooooo need me a traditional woman!
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Old 11-11-2009, 09:07 AM
Location: Pittsburgh
29,737 posts, read 34,357,220 times
Reputation: 77029
I'm actually pretty down with this idea. As I mentioned in the Loner thread, I'm an introvert, and I need a good amount of quiet/alone time to be a functioning human being. I'm happy spending time with a partner, but I'm just as happy when he goes home and I can do my own thing. I've lived on my own for so long that the thought of being around anyone 24/7 makes me feel a little panicky.
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Old 11-11-2009, 09:45 AM
323 posts, read 806,444 times
Reputation: 161
I couldn't personally do this, but there are a lot of folks that I work with that live apart from their spouses during the work week (they have a small apartment near work) and then go home on the weekends.
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