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Old 11-13-2009, 06:27 PM
 
Location: Ct Shoreline
369 posts, read 1,876,076 times
Reputation: 295

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My husband and I have lived separately for about 3 years now. It is a very long story, but suffice to say that there were ill relatives, real estate being sold, job opportunities in a new state and kids to consider. He moved to CT to start the new job while I stayed behind to sell houses and care for ill relatives. Got all that done, and moved to CT. The job market for him work picked up back in CA, so off he went, while kids and I are in CT. While it sounds sort of crazy, it has worked out very well for us. Is it optimal? Of course not. Did I ever imagine we'd be living like this? No, again. However, we are together about 2 weeks out of the month, and in the weeks apart, we both enjoy kind of doing different things. I consider our marriage very strong, and when we are together, we are so happy to be with one another and the kids all together that we are not as apt to waste time on petty differences. This is not a lifestyle for everyone, and I can see why it would be hard on some couples/marriages. I think it depends on the situation. All I can offer is that it has worked out very well for us, and I imagine that this arrangement will continue for as long as it remains workable.
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Old 12-30-2009, 06:52 PM
 
8 posts, read 9,756 times
Reputation: 11
my wife and I lived apart for three months while she went to school in Paris France to study art. We were temporarirly separated for two months this past summer, but got back together. maybe that cliche is true, absense makes the heart grow fonder
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Old 12-30-2009, 06:56 PM
 
Location: southern california
61,293 posts, read 81,599,085 times
Reputation: 55458
a trend no but more of it. i know a couple that got 2 small houses on same lot and live separate. they have been married over 3 years. the mistake is not separate beds. the mistake is putting 2 crabs in the same bucket.

Last edited by Huckleberry3911948; 12-30-2009 at 08:15 PM..
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Old 12-30-2009, 07:17 PM
 
Location: Tampa baby!!
3,258 posts, read 8,476,541 times
Reputation: 1842
Quote:
Originally Posted by Huckleberry3911948 View Post
i know a couple that got 2 small houses on same lot and live separate. they have been married over 3 years. the mistake is not separate beds. the mistake is putting 2 crabs in the same bucket.
So they love each other, they just don't want to live or sleep together?
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Old 04-22-2010, 08:54 PM
 
3 posts, read 11,531 times
Reputation: 10
It's a horrible situation. My husband and I are both teachers. We have had to do this for one year. We both lived in Florida, but had moved to Ky to be closer to my elderly mom. He couldn't stand it because he's from Ohio and he felt that it reminded him of Ohio. So after a year, he moved back to Florida to go back to the job at his old school. At the time I was on contract in Ky. so I couldn't leave. Over the course of the year, my efforts proved to be more enduring in the marriage than his did (12 years of marriage).

At the end of the school year I spent a few thousand dollars worth of savings to move back down to Florida to be with him. Let's just say there was a lot of cleaning up to do. Although we had both agreed on the year's time apart, our marriage was tested on whether or not we could make it.

When I got back to Florida, I've spent this entire year trying to get into a school district, to no avail. Due to a horrible commute, it would be insane for me to work in a county that it would take me 2 hours to get to or back home from. Nevertheless, I've been living on sub-teacher pay.

Unbeknown to either of us, I've gotten a job offer to teach back in Ky and I'm strongly thinking about taking it. I don't want to do it; it's breaking my heart, and he definitely doesn't want me to leave. But his salary alone is not enough for us to make it.

Add to the fact that he seems to have a S.A.D (seasonal affective disorder) to the cold weather of Ky. Hell,everybody I know has it (maybe even me) but sometimes you have to get over that for the sake of your marriage.

Neither one of us wants the other to be miserable. Him in weather he hates, me with no "lucrative" job. So here we are in one hell of a pickle.

So yes, the economy is screwing up even getting the most basic of jobs nowadays. Prayerfully our love will prevail and we can have visits or long weekends somewhere completely different (a way to squeeze in romantic vacations to places we never get to go.)

Only God knows. I pray for anybody having to do this.
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Old 04-22-2010, 09:44 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,246 posts, read 94,484,080 times
Reputation: 40085
Quote:
Originally Posted by sunshine712009 View Post
It's a horrible situation. My husband and I are both teachers. We have had to do this for one year. We both lived in Florida, but had moved to Ky to be closer to my elderly mom. He couldn't stand it because he's from Ohio and he felt that it reminded him of Ohio. So after a year, he moved back to Florida to go back to the job at his old school. At the time I was on contract in Ky. so I couldn't leave. Over the course of the year, my efforts proved to be more enduring in the marriage than his did (12 years of marriage).

At the end of the school year I spent a few thousand dollars worth of savings to move back down to Florida to be with him. Let's just say there was a lot of cleaning up to do. Although we had both agreed on the year's time apart, our marriage was tested on whether or not we could make it.

When I got back to Florida, I've spent this entire year trying to get into a school district, to no avail. Due to a horrible commute, it would be insane for me to work in a county that it would take me 2 hours to get to or back home from. Nevertheless, I've been living on sub-teacher pay.

Unbeknown to either of us, I've gotten a job offer to teach back in Ky and I'm strongly thinking about taking it. I don't want to do it; it's breaking my heart, and he definitely doesn't want me to leave. But his salary alone is not enough for us to make it.

Add to the fact that he seems to have a S.A.D (seasonal affective disorder) to the cold weather of Ky. Hell,everybody I know has it (maybe even me) but sometimes you have to get over that for the sake of your marriage.

Neither one of us wants the other to be miserable. Him in weather he hates, me with no "lucrative" job. So here we are in one hell of a pickle.

So yes, the economy is screwing up even getting the most basic of jobs nowadays. Prayerfully our love will prevail and we can have visits or long weekends somewhere completely different (a way to squeeze in romantic vacations to places we never get to go.)

Only God knows. I pray for anybody having to do this.

In today's economy many people are having to do what they can to find work and live with less than ideal conditions in order to have a job at all. It's very hard, and I'm very sorry you are going thru this.

HOPEFULLY, we've seen the worst and things will gradually get better and better - though that won't happen overnight
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Old 04-23-2010, 04:52 AM
 
Location: Boston, MA
153 posts, read 225,845 times
Reputation: 113
Hey whatever works.....if they are still happily married who cares.......besides she may need to help out her mom, or the area he works in isn't the safest, maybe she doesn't want to leave what she is familiar with, there could be thousands of reasons.
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Old 04-23-2010, 12:30 PM
 
5,698 posts, read 17,952,892 times
Reputation: 8638
My husband and I did this for 3 months. Our situation was about work. He got a great job offer out of state and he went for it. He rented a room from some guy and I took care of real estate issues, packing etc. For me, I did not care for it but was holding my own. My husband? I think it was a real eye opener for him. We have been together 20 years now and I have pretty much handled every kind of financial task. So when he had to actually go buy his own food and underwear, it was a shock. I did feel bad for him though, he said he was really lonely. We missed each other terribly and he worked 7 days a week for the extra money to get my son and I relocated asap.

However, I do know several couples that live apart. My cousin got a job offer out of state but him and his wife have no plans to live together. My cousin goes home about once a month to visit. Another couple I know each live in separate houses on the same land. I think sometimes people do not want the hassles of divorce and live separately.
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Old 04-24-2010, 11:33 AM
 
Location: Whoville....
25,388 posts, read 33,222,114 times
Reputation: 14657
Quote:
Originally Posted by LoveBoating View Post
I've heard more and more about couples who live apart (two different homes) because of jobs. This NEVER use to happen years ago!
True situations from here in Jax, FL:

We have a neighbor in the apt. complex who is 30 + is sharing an apt. with her mom because her husband is living/working in the same State, but on the southern end of it. She told us that he will be there for another year at least, but he does try come to see her a couple of times a month for a weekend.

Another lady here, has an apt. across from ours and her husband lives/works in the State above us. She told us that he makes much better money there than here. Their living situation does seem to bother her when we ask how he is doing.

Yesterday my wife and a young lady were talking at my wife's job and the young lady told her that her husband is living/working in Indiana. She moved here to Jacksonville and was waiting for him to come down. She talked to him the other day and he told her he that he wasn't going to move down here and didn't want her coming up there (to see him)! Well, well, well, so just what happened here (my wife wondered, but didn't say anything to the girl).

So, my question is: Is the economy breaking couples up or what the "H" is happening??? I understand marrying someone in the military who might be gone for some months, but this is different. Wife and I do come from the "old school" of thought and marriage (we are 60/61 yrs old) and just WOULDN'T live apart for any reason.
So "enlighten" us on what's going on and.......have you done this or would you do this??????
My answer would be yes. My step son has worked out of state for the past several years. He gets home to see his wife and kids twice a month if he's lucky. He's in construction and the jobs move so he can't move them to where he is.

I may be joining them. I'm just trying to get the kids a little older. I can't find decent work in Michigan and my husband has a decent job we don't want him to leave. It would be nearly impossible for both of us to find decent work in the same area in this economy (I'm engineering or teaching, he's in database management).

I've had three offers to inteview for decent jobs in the last three years and all of them came from southern states. Unfortunately, none of them were high enough to consider risking my husband not having a job when we moved.

I'm, seriously, thinking about taking a teaching job out of state and commuting home for visits on holidays and for the summer. So far, I've had no luck finding summer jobs to supplement my income.
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Old 06-27-2010, 05:34 PM
 
2 posts, read 2,924 times
Reputation: 10
Jobs are one thing, but when your married for 11 years & his daughter (my ex-stepdaughter) runs his life & isn't happy living with 'US' they move to another city. He wants to stay committed/married, and HE will come home on weekends. I believe that you work things through. This isn't dealing with the situation at all. He seems so happy with his new start, that only includes me when it's convenient for him.
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