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Old 11-19-2011, 11:54 AM
 
1 posts, read 1,145 times
Reputation: 11

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I'm in the middle of making this tough decision. I recently relocated to a San Franisco with my girlfriend who I am madly in love with (we aren't married yet, but live together). We both just finished degrees on the east coast where we met. But the job market is very tough here in the city, and with student loans and a dwindling savings, we both need jobs soon.

I am getting interviews, and might have a job offer in the next couple of weeks, but even though she is looking outside the city as far as a couple of hours away, she cannot even get a response from potential employers.

We decided yesterday that she should look in Oregon as well. But the trouble is if she gets a job there, do I follow immediately? We like San Francisco, and there is the possibility of living apart for a bit until the economy recovers in her industry and she has some experience, but there is no promise that would happen. So...I'm thinking the former is what we will do, I guess not everyone can choose where they want to live. I just hope that somehow we can both get jobs in the same city, but then again there is no gaurantee we can both find something in the same city in Oregon...man this is tough.
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Old 11-19-2011, 11:59 AM
 
Location: The "Rock"
2,551 posts, read 2,894,871 times
Reputation: 1354
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tinn View Post
Being married and living apart I beleive is more common than anyone wants to admit. My wife and I are currently part of this changing dynamic. We were living in the midwest and I lost my job. After being off work for three weeks I was offered a new position with my former company on the west coast. Rather than risking not finding a job I accepted the position and have relocated to California. My wife will stay in te midwest until our son finishes schhol in 3 years and the economy improves. We will then sell our house and reunite in California. Tough economic times call for tough decions and you need to think outside the box.
Well said... Do what you have to do. Sound like you will survive this.
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Old 11-20-2011, 06:17 PM
 
2,488 posts, read 4,321,200 times
Reputation: 2936
I could understand if the married couple were teenagers or in high school but a married couple is supposed to live together in the same house.
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Old 11-20-2011, 09:43 PM
 
Location: Earth
3,814 posts, read 6,784,003 times
Reputation: 2590
I don't know if it's a trend, but my fiance and I are planning on living seperately after we marry. I have my house, he has his and we live in the same town. It has it's pros and cons. For us it is more of a blending families/personal space choice. We plan on merging households eventually when the time is right, maybe sometime in 2014.

I'm 34, he's 49 BTW. We have lot's of fun together and we never have to argue about who has to take out the garbage
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Old 11-20-2011, 09:53 PM
 
20,187 posts, read 23,848,200 times
Reputation: 9283
My wife and I lived in different cities/states the entire time we have known each other... in fact, she still lives in another state right now, so we are still separated until this coming July... So I can relate to the situation... I can say that I do love my freedom a bit because she is not here but then I would prefer that she was here instead... We still don't agree on some things like me wanting to keep the maid but she wants me to do the housework... sigh... I work a lot so I don't have time to clean and when I do have time, I rather enjoy it... I am not going to base my life around working at work and working at home... I want to relax and not work but all she cares about is money, how big her ring is, and giving money to her sisters, mom, and brother... whatever... I care more about private time and that usually means leave me alone... but she doesn't understand that... sigh... I am enjoying the time until she gets here.... luckily we have six bedrooms so I can hide for a few minutes before she roams around and finds me...
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Old 11-20-2011, 09:55 PM
 
17,869 posts, read 20,991,145 times
Reputation: 13949
Yeah I'm not going to live seperate from my wife.

Not gonna work out. IF she wants to live seperately then that relationship stops and she can either be friends or break it off.
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Old 11-20-2011, 10:00 PM
 
Location: Pa
42,763 posts, read 52,845,629 times
Reputation: 25362
I would of course want to live with my husband.
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Old 11-21-2011, 04:03 AM
 
7,492 posts, read 11,825,030 times
Reputation: 7394
I've heard of this happening more and more. For some people that might seem sad and it does to me in a way, but actually a long-distance relationship would actually be my dream come true lol. Anyway sometimes two people in love are on separate career paths and may have to frequent different geographical areas in order to start their careers, whether temporarily or longer-term.
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Old 11-21-2011, 05:30 AM
 
Location: Homeless
17,717 posts, read 13,527,920 times
Reputation: 11994
Sounds like the sort of people who would like this arrangement are those who like to cheat. Living 1500 apart whose to tell?

Personally I'll pass you might as well stay single.
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Old 11-21-2011, 07:19 AM
 
Location: Houston, Tx
8,227 posts, read 11,143,293 times
Reputation: 8198
There is no point in getting married if you're going to be living apart. Which further shows me that marriage is more about finances, health care and tax breaks than it is about "being in Love" and finding a "life partner"
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