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Old 06-27-2009, 09:33 AM
 
2,023 posts, read 3,337,076 times
Reputation: 1545
Quote:
Originally Posted by artsyguy View Post
Well I'm more sympathetic towards the OP. FWB situations are wasteful at any rate.
Not if it's what both people want. Not all people want serious relationships, you know.

Quote:
Originally Posted by artsyguy View Post
It makes me laugh to think that people can have sex and cuddle every week but yet she says "Oh my art is in the way"....LOL seriously ...that's 8th grade mentality and behaviors.
*points to my last comment*

Obviously I'm having difficulty feeling sorry for someone who jumped into something with full disclosure and wants to change the rules midway, and also villifying someone who has done absolutely nothing morally wrong in the scheme of this relationship.

Please explain to me how this is juvenile behavior on her part. If anything, I see it as more juvenile on his end (*if* he doesn't learn from this experience and move on).
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Old 06-27-2009, 09:39 AM
 
Location: In the sticks, SC
1,642 posts, read 2,704,257 times
Reputation: 1033
Quote:
Originally Posted by mishigas73 View Post
Not if it's what both people want. Not all people want serious relationships, you know.



*points to my last comment*

Obviously I'm having difficulty feeling sorry for someone who jumped into something with full disclosure and wants to change the rules midway, and also villifying someone who has done absolutely nothing morally wrong in the scheme of this relationship.

Please explain to me how this is juvenile behavior on her part. If anything, I see it as more juvenile on his end (*if* he doesn't learn from this experience and move on).
I agree the juvenile part is him not being able to move on. Every relationship is not the same and some people just want the sex and not the emotional attachment. As long as both parties are responsible adults and practice safe sex i see nothing wrong with that. If you are willing to give up the sex, I say just be honest and if she isn't with your program move on.
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Old 06-27-2009, 09:44 AM
 
Location: Tennessee
15,318 posts, read 13,600,357 times
Reputation: 21553
Sometimes, when you start off with no relationship/strings attached, if you are being intimate with that person for so long, sex, cuddling, etc.
how can you help NOT developing feelings for that person, after awhile?
It would be hard to do, IMO. Now, a one night stand...yeah.
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Old 06-27-2009, 10:11 AM
 
Location: Hot Springs, AR
5,612 posts, read 9,110,314 times
Reputation: 3589
What's a guy to do? Be honest. Tell that your goal in life is to pursue a career in art anmd that you 'd like to do that with her. Tell her that the amount of time you all spend together now is fine. Telling her that you have real feeling for her is an absolute must. You MIGHT be pleasantly surprised to find out she was saying what she thought you were feeling. If not, then you'll know where she stands and you can move oon without wondering what if?

Communication and honesty are always the best policy.
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Old 06-27-2009, 10:23 AM
 
Location: In the sticks, SC
1,642 posts, read 2,704,257 times
Reputation: 1033
Quote:
Originally Posted by CESpeed View Post
What's a guy to do? Be honest. Tell that your goal in life is to pursue a career in art anmd that you 'd like to do that with her. Tell her that the amount of time you all spend together now is fine. Telling her that you have real feeling for her is an absolute must. You MIGHT be pleasantly surprised to find out she was saying what she thought you were feeling. If not, then you'll know where she stands and you can move oon without wondering what if?

Communication and honesty are always the best policy.
Yep and I believe that you are going to have to stop sleeping with her if she is not going to be down with your program. By continuing to sleep with her you are reinforcing the current situation and digging yourself deeper.
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Old 06-27-2009, 10:38 AM
'M'
 
Location: Glendale Country Club
1,413 posts, read 1,342,291 times
Reputation: 1881
I can sympathize with Anpanhead, and I also can relate to being in a relationship while being committed to the artistic life. Sometimes the two just don't go together. Not saying a relationship is "bad" or that doing only art is "selfish"...it's just how it is.
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Old 06-27-2009, 10:51 AM
 
25,170 posts, read 32,274,709 times
Reputation: 6671
Well there are one night stands where people will lead you on to think you will see more of them.....eg: exchanging phone numbers, talking about common interests, relating to each other, sharing photo albums, agreeing to hang out later, etc.

Quote:
Originally Posted by yankeegirl313 View Post
Sometimes, when you start off with no relationship/strings attached, if you are being intimate with that person for so long, sex, cuddling, etc.
how can you help NOT developing feelings for that person, after awhile?
It would be hard to do, IMO. Now, a one night stand...yeah.
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Old 06-27-2009, 10:53 AM
 
25,170 posts, read 32,274,709 times
Reputation: 6671
Well it's obviously over. She already rejected him by saying she is too into her art which is a bunch of BS. It's selfish. I believe she lead him on and knew this by his behaviors. Imagine hearing that after spending weeks together cuddling and having sex and having common interests. Can you imagine that? It's horrible if you ask me. The fact that people can be physically intimate and then just throw people away like that for the sake of art is disgusting. What ever happened to dating or even platonic dating?

I don't think the OP is juvenile at all.

Quote:
Originally Posted by CESpeed View Post
What's a guy to do? Be honest. Tell that your goal in life is to pursue a career in art anmd that you 'd like to do that with her. Tell her that the amount of time you all spend together now is fine. Telling her that you have real feeling for her is an absolute must. You MIGHT be pleasantly surprised to find out she was saying what she thought you were feeling. If not, then you'll know where she stands and you can move oon without wondering what if?

Communication and honesty are always the best policy.
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Old 06-27-2009, 11:08 AM
 
2,023 posts, read 3,337,076 times
Reputation: 1545
Quote:
Originally Posted by artsyguy View Post
What ever happened to dating or even platonic dating?
The problem that I see (for both men and women, apparently) is that they're more interested in reading into "signs" than actually LISTENING to what another person has to say.

"Oh no," they think, "(s)he can't REALLY mean that (s)he doesn't want a relationship if they share x, y or z with me". Or, they think that the person will inevitably change their mind.

And when that doesn't happen? Instead of dealing with it as a learning experience, and moving on to things that suit them better, a lot of times they wallow in it all. They blame the other person for "leading them on", when all along, if they actually LISTENED, they would have known full well what was going on in the other person's mind.

What happened to dating? I do believe that it's still quite common.

I think the better question here is what ever happened to people being free to decide what they want in a relationship. And, if that desire should be a physical intimacy without serious emotional commitment, so be it. ESPECIALLY if they make that clear to the other person.

I find the judgments about this quite interesting actually. It's amazing to me how quickly people forget about the whole "live and let live" mentality when the judgments aren't directed at them.
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Old 06-27-2009, 11:24 AM
 
4,983 posts, read 5,422,069 times
Reputation: 5394
Quote:
Originally Posted by anpanhead View Post
I guess the nights of watching movies together and cuddling on the couch got to me. I spend the night at her place a couple days a week but she tells me she doesnt have time for a relationship because she wants to focus on her art. I do too thats my overall goal in life as well. i just wish we could do this together. What as a man should I do?
How long has this been going on? You may just be rushing things. Both parties in a burgeoning relationship don't always fall in love at the same time.

Let's look at it this way:

You hang out together.

You watch movies together.

You cuddle together on her couch.

You make love to her.

You spend the night at her place a couple of days every week.

**********

That sounds like a relationship to me. Exactly what is it that you feel that you're missing by her not calling this a "relationship"? The only thing I can think of is that she doesn't regard you as her boyfriend (at least not yet) and she doesn't want you to think of her as your girlfriend. But realistically, what would be added to what you are now doing if she changed her mind?

Just give her time. She may fall in love with you just as you've fallen in love with her.
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