Friends With Benefits (men somtimes want more to) (love, friend, partner)

[artsyguy]

It isn't natural imo for people to have sex and cuddle and share common interests and then throw the other person away like a squeezed lemon. It's just weird and cold. So I'm saying in general FWB is a bad situation to be in because a lot of times from reading on here, somebody ends up wanting to be more serious.

Originally Posted by mishigas73

The problem that I see (for both men and women, apparently) is that they're more interested in reading into "signs" than actually LISTENING to what another person has to say.

"Oh no," they think, "(s)he can't REALLY mean that (s)he doesn't want a relationship if they share x, y or z with me". Or, they think that the person will inevitably change their mind.

And when that doesn't happen? Instead of dealing with it as a learning experience, and moving on to things that suit them better, a lot of times they wallow in it all. They blame the other person for "leading them on", when all along, if they actually LISTENED, they would have known full well what was going on in the other person's mind.

What happened to dating? I do believe that it's still quite common.

I think the better question here is what ever happened to people being free to decide what they want in a relationship. And, if that desire should be a physical intimacy without serious emotional commitment, so be it. ESPECIALLY if they make that clear to the other person.

I find the judgments about this quite interesting actually. It's amazing to me how quickly people forget about the whole "live and let live" mentality when the judgments aren't directed at them.

[mishigas73]

Originally Posted by artsyguy

So I'm saying in general FWB is a bad situation to be in because a lot of times from reading on here, somebody ends up wanting to be more serious.

Yes, that is very true.

But, by the same token, I don't think that any sort of judgment about it is warranted either. After all, who is *anybody* on here to be saying what's "natural" and what's not?

[artsyguy]

It's not natural for me. How does that sound.

Originally Posted by mishigas73

Yes, that is very true.

But, by the same token, I don't think that any sort of judgment about it is warranted either. After all, who is *anybody* on here to be saying what's "natural" and what's not?

[mishigas73]

Originally Posted by artsyguy

It's not natural for me. How does that sound.

*shrug* I still don't understand why there is the need to put that judgment there, but whatever floats your boat, I guess.

[PassTheChocolate]

It is totally understandable that people will develop deeper feelings after being intimate for a while, but it is also not to be expected. Some people are just not capable of it for various reasons. If they're honest about it they've done their part. You're going to have to be the one to put the brakes on. I say tell her how you feel, just as she told you where she stands. She'll either agree to move on or perhaps give it a shot. Still, there are no guarantees and you'd be taking a huge risk with someone who doesn't feel the same way you do about pursuing a relationship.

[McBain II]

You can skip all the moral high horse garbage and realize you have a few choices that you can make here.

1. Come to terms with the fact that she does not want a relationship, but continue sleeping with her anyways in the possibility that you'll still be around when/if she changes her mind.

2. Completely break things off now. You'll likely save yourself from bigger pain down the line but basically kill any chances of the relationship growing.

3. Sit her down, tell her how you feel and see if she'd be open to taking things to the next level. Be prepared for rejection though.

Ultimately, you have to decide what you want and make your choice on that. Either way, you'll probably get a little hurt but you can minimize the effects of this.

Good lucky buddy.

[sierraAZ]

I'd promised myself not to post and gave my opinion to the guy in a rep, but after reading so much bad advice I'm tempted to voice it. Verbal "communication" is waaaayy overrated. People, not only men, tend to respond to actions a lot better.

There's absolutely no need to sit anybody down and talk. He simply should become less available, live his life, hint at dating other women, and not be at her beck and call at all times. Another basic human reaction is to start missing things when they're no longer around. By doing what I suggest the problem will be solved regardless of the outcome. She either will take note and move closer to him or the "arrangement" will fall apart. No matter what happens he gets his answer.

[artsyguy]

Bottom line start dating people that are into LTR.

[mongoslade223]

Originally Posted by sierraAZ

I'd promised myself not to post and gave my opinion to the guy in a rep, but after reading so much bad advice I'm tempted to voice it. Verbal "communication" is waaaayy overrated. People, not only men, tend to respond to actions a lot better.

There's absolutely no need to sit anybody down and talk. He simply should become less available, live his life, hint at dating other women, and not be at her beck and call at all times. Another basic human reaction is to start missing things when they're no longer around. By doing what I suggest the problem will be solved regardless of the outcome. She either will take note and move closer to him or the "arrangement" will fall apart. No matter what happens he gets his answer.

I like that suggestion. I just also think if she asks, he should tell her what the deal is.

[Chowhound]

People always develope feelings,

otherwise we're robots.


Don't do the FWB thing, it never works out.