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Old 06-26-2009, 10:40 PM
 
5 posts, read 7,122 times
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I'm a guy in my 20's and I used used to be a graphic designer and artist. I relocated to a new city and had troubles getting back into the industry so I worked a menial job that was based on my interests. During the time I worked there I met a woman who was slightly younger and an amazing artist that was coming up in the art scene. We talked about working on a project together but ended up sleeping together. When we first started seeing eachother we both had an agreement that we didnt want a relationship. As time went on though I became emotionally attached and fell in love with her. I guess the nights of watching movies together and cuddling on the couch got to me. I spend the night at her place a couple days a week but she tells me she doesnt have time for a relationship because she wants to focus on her art. I do too thats my overall goal in life as well. i just wish we could do this together. What as a man should I do?
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Old 06-26-2009, 10:45 PM
 
2,191 posts, read 4,089,174 times
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This is one of numerous reasons why casual sex is a real bad idea. Tell her how you feel, she will most likely deny you, then you move on. Next time think about the actual consequences before having sex, there is more than just STD's and pregnancy to consider.
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Old 06-26-2009, 11:11 PM
 
25,165 posts, read 47,313,389 times
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True. There is the fact that she used the OP for sex. She is too selfish to engage in love I guess. I don't see how that would deter from doing art.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jason28 View Post
This is one of numerous reasons why casual sex is a real bad idea. Tell her how you feel, she will most likely deny you, then you move on. Next time think about the actual consequences before having sex, there is more than just STD's and pregnancy to consider.
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Old 06-26-2009, 11:15 PM
 
6,307 posts, read 7,133,271 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by artsyguy View Post
She is too selfish to engage in love I guess.
Or, perhaps she just doesn't love *him*?

Why does it have to come down to her being selfish?
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Old 06-26-2009, 11:56 PM
 
Location: Southern California
15,088 posts, read 16,935,776 times
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What's a man to do? Based on what she has apparently made clear, I say nothing...
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Old 06-27-2009, 08:43 AM
 
Location: Tennessee
16,227 posts, read 21,985,147 times
Reputation: 23996
Quote:
Originally Posted by MIKEETC View Post
What's a man to do? Based on what she has apparently made clear, I say nothing...

I have to agree. If you tell her how you feel, she may run. If you don`t, and continue this friends with benefits deal, then its not going to be easy for you, as more time goes by. You may have to tell her how you feel, and stop the benefit part.
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Old 06-27-2009, 08:57 AM
 
25,165 posts, read 47,313,389 times
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It's selfish because for some reason he thought there was more to the relationship. So along the way she dropped hints or cues and perhaps lead him on in that the relationship would lead into something serious.

The fact that she blames "art" on her not wanting to be with him, which doesn't really equate to lack of love, but more a sign of no respect. You don't have to be in love to be with each other. If you are having sex and cuddling every week......and he has a request to be more together...I don't see a problem with that...out of respect she should comply. But I just see this situation as her feeding off of him and playing him like a flute.

Quote:
Originally Posted by yankeegirl313 View Post
I have to agree. If you tell her how you feel, she may run. If you don`t, and continue this friends with benefits deal, then its not going to be easy for you, as more time goes by. You may have to tell her how you feel, and stop the benefit part.
Quote:
Originally Posted by MIKEETC View Post
What's a man to do? Based on what she has apparently made clear, I say nothing...
Quote:
Originally Posted by mishigas73 View Post
Or, perhaps she just doesn't love *him*?

Why does it have to come down to her being selfish?
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Old 06-27-2009, 09:11 AM
 
6,307 posts, read 7,133,271 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by artsyguy View Post
It's selfish because for some reason he thought there was more to the relationship. So along the way she dropped hints or cues and perhaps lead him on in that the relationship would lead into something serious.
Not necessarily, at all.

How many times have you seen on here people reading WAY more into relationships than there actually is?

She has said (presumably more than once) that she doesn't want anything serious. He, presumably, agreed. The agreement made between two consenting adults should not now be thrown back into her face.

Quote:
Originally Posted by artsyguy View Post
The fact that she blames "art" on her not wanting to be with him, which doesn't really equate to lack of love, but more a sign of no respect. You don't have to be in love to be with each other. If you are having sex and cuddling every week......and he has a request to be more together...I don't see a problem with that...out of respect she should comply. But I just see this situation as her feeding off of him and playing him like a flute.
"Out of respect she should now comply"??? Holy crap, is this no longer a country where you have freedom to associate with whom you wish, and have the types of relationships that you wish to have?

She doesn't want more. Period. Whether her art is what's keeping her away from him, or something else totally, the reason is completely irrelevant. Relationships aren't about being with someone because it's the "right thing to do" to save the other person's feelings.

Yup, she may be playing him, but has been a willing instrument. She didn't enter into this relationship under any false pretenses that I can see. And, she definitely shouldn't feel morally obligated to agree to a change in the arrangement midway.

Live, learn and move on. We've all had to do it. You can't always get what you want. (Hey, that's a good song lyric.... )
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Old 06-27-2009, 09:22 AM
 
25,165 posts, read 47,313,389 times
Reputation: 6944
Well I'm more sympathetic towards the OP. FWB situations are wasteful at any rate.

It makes me laugh to think that people can have sex and cuddle every week but yet she says "Oh my art is in the way"....LOL seriously ...that's 8th grade mentality and behaviors.

Quote:
Originally Posted by mishigas73 View Post
Not necessarily, at all.

How many times have you seen on here people reading WAY more into relationships than there actually is?

She has said (presumably more than once) that she doesn't want anything serious. He, presumably, agreed. The agreement made between two consenting adults should not now be thrown back into her face.



"Out of respect she should now comply"??? Holy crap, is this no longer a country where you have freedom to associate with whom you wish, and have the types of relationships that you wish to have?

She doesn't want more. Period. Whether her art is what's keeping her away from him, or something else totally, the reason is completely irrelevant. Relationships aren't about being with someone because it's the "right thing to do" to save the other person's feelings.

Yup, she may be playing him, but has been a willing instrument. She didn't enter into this relationship under any false pretenses that I can see. And, she definitely shouldn't feel morally obligated to agree to a change in the arrangement midway.

Live, learn and move on. We've all had to do it. You can't always get what you want. (Hey, that's a good song lyric.... )
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Old 06-27-2009, 09:31 AM
 
Location: Connecticut
1,461 posts, read 4,098,902 times
Reputation: 1646
Quote:
Originally Posted by anpanhead View Post
I'm a guy in my 20's and I used used to be a graphic designer and artist. I relocated to a new city and had troubles getting back into the industry so I worked a menial job that was based on my interests. During the time I worked there I met a woman who was slightly younger and an amazing artist that was coming up in the art scene. We talked about working on a project together but ended up sleeping together. When we first started seeing eachother we both had an agreement that we didnt want a relationship. As time went on though I became emotionally attached and fell in love with her. I guess the nights of watching movies together and cuddling on the couch got to me. I spend the night at her place a couple days a week but she tells me she doesnt have time for a relationship because she wants to focus on her art. I do too thats my overall goal in life as well. i just wish we could do this together. What as a man should I do?
I am not a guy and not a young woman so some of this FWB stuff puzzles me. Any time you put yourself out there to become involved physically with someone you run the risk of getting attached emotionally. My niece just went through a similar situation with a guy. He would see my niece throughout the week then always had other stuff to do on the weekend; perhaps another woman or out with the guys who knows. She became emotionally attached and was blinded by his "attention" therefore unable to see what his game plan was....he used her for his physical purposes then dumped her on weekends. She finally got it after he broke it off with her via a text message...the jerk. How can you break up with someone via text message. She has moved on, has a great boyfriend now but this old FWB still tries to text her from time to time...she just recently got him to stop.

This woman you are now involved with doesn't sound like she has any kind of emotional ties to you and is only in it for the physical part. If you are looking for a life's partner, I don't think she is the one for you. It is going to be difficult for you to break it off with her because you are attached, however, I would back off now before you get hurt further. If she is at all further interested in you then once you do take a break from her see if she calls or gets in touch with you and says she misses you or wants to be with you. That would be the test I would think.

Good luck and please don't waste too much time on her. You seem to be ready to move on with your life and with a partner and she doesn't.
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