Just met a single mom and I don't know what this means (guys, kid)

[Hoarfrost]

Originally Posted by Jane72

... huh?
Of course a single mom is going to introduce her kid to everyone she meets.
The kid is seven.
Where else is he going to be, besides with mom? It's summertime. School's out.
Are moms not allowed to have friends? Not allowed to go to the beach, hang out, play soccer?
What world do you live in?

Right. Are they supposed to shield their children from everyone not pre-approved or something? I don't really understand what that is. It isn't like she left him with the OP for a sleepover.

[akck]

Originally Posted by taavilez

Another thing.... Is there anything I could do to ********** up? What should I be aware of? I really like this girl and just want to make sure I don't make any obvious mistakes. I'm sure trying to date a single mother can be a lot more difficult in this sense

Never make her choose between her son and you. You'll lose every time. This applies to most moms, but the Hispanics I know have a strong sense of family and family will come first.

It sounds like she wanted to let you know about her son in a safe manner. Basically sizing you up and giving you a chance to run. She's probably tired of wasting time dating, only to have the date to drop her once he learned about the son. It sounds like you passed the first test.

The main difficulty that might crop up with a single mom, is that plans may change because of the son. A sitter may fall through or a last minute kid activity might take precedence. You also might be roped into going to some of the family functions, more so than if she was childless. The only other problem area would be with the boy's father, which can go either way.

[dave nz]

Originally Posted by taavilez

Basically, met a girl at a restaurant. Got along with her. Exchanged numbers. Texted the next day. Hung out at the beach with her and her son the next day, playing soccer and eating ice cream. Next day played basketball. Im 24. Shes 28. He's 7. Something clicked with her from the minute I met her. I normally wouldn't go for someone I knew had kids but I was getting a great vibe. It's just weird that I am not dating her yet and I have already met her kid. I just want to know if she likes me. Any opinions?

Not enough information. All you have talked about is how u feel about her during your short time. At no point do u mention what she has said to you etc.

[Oildog]

Originally Posted by Chowhound

I'm probably gonna get bashed here for saying this, but I don't think she should have introduced you to her kid yet.

That doesn't seem like good judgment to me.


JMHO

I agree. I have dated a few single moms. Usually they are upfront about having a child. But they have all gone out with me a few times before introducing me to their children. Usually it goes that they are 'out shopping somewhere near my house, and want to know if I could meet for an ice cream or short meal. Its just a short visit so its not uncomfortable for you or (more importantly, their child).

[Oildog]

Originally Posted by taavilez

So does mean she is already sizing me up as a father? Is that what single moms do when they date?

I could be way off, but I think women size you up as either a potential husband and father, friend, acquaintance, fun to sleep with, or loser. Yes, men have similar but fewer categories.

[Chowhound]

Originally Posted by Jane72

... huh?
Of course a single mom is going to introduce her kid to everyone she meets.
The kid is seven.
Where else is he going to be, besides with mom? It's summertime. School's out.
Are moms not allowed to have friends? Not allowed to go to the beach, hang out, play soccer?
What world do you live in?

I don't think a woman with a small child should be having her son around men unless she knows that that man is a keeper, gonna be around awhile, if a woman has a lot of men in her life and the kid starts to develop a relationship with the guy, then if she kicks the guy(s) to the curb,the kid has to deal with more loss then needs be, also kids need stability in their lives, not revolving doors. I'm all for the kid having exposure to male influence, just not some causal dude she maybe "hooking" up with.

I know from personal experience,as my Mom had a lot of men in her life over the years, and as I kid I got attached to them and didn't always understand why all of the sudden they were just "gone".

That's the kind of world I live in, as you so sarcastically put it.

[Jane72]

Originally Posted by Chowhound

I don't think a woman with a small child should be having her son around men unless she knows that that man is a keeper, gonna be around awhile, if a woman has a lot of men in her life and the kid starts to develop a relationship with the guy, then if she kicks the guy(s) to the curb,the kid has to deal with more loss then needs be, also kids need stability in their lives, not revolving doors. I'm all for the kid having exposure to male influence, just not some causal dude she maybe "hooking" up with.

I know from personal experience,as my Mom had a lot of men in her life over the years, and as I kid I got attached to them and didn't always understand why all of the sudden they were just "gone".

That's the kind of world I live in, as you so sarcastically put it.

Well, I guess this just shows how different life experiences lead to different perspectives.
My parents were divorced too when i was young. I understood, however, "Mom's friends" or "Dad's friends" or even "Mom's Boyfriends" and "Dad's girlfriends".
No reason for me to get overly attached to any of them; they weren't my friends. They were adults. I wasn't overly interested in them.
I had a great dad, so it's not like I was desperately trying to turn all of mom's male friends into some sort of father figure.
The OP states that this child has a good, involved father, as well.

After my divorce, I did whatever I wanted, with whomever I wanted, and I took my small son everywhere I went.
Why should I have "shielded" him from anyone? He never left my sight. Nobody could have hurt him, even if they wished to, which I seriously doubt.
I think it's good for kids to get out in the world and learn to be sociable, and we as parents must lead by example.
I never felt the need to turn my son into some sort of cowardly, cringing, paranoid wreck who believes the world is an evil place populated by bad guys who are out to get him.

[Raena77]

Originally Posted by taavilez

Basically, met a girl at a restaurant. Got along with her. Exchanged numbers. Texted the next day. Hung out at the beach with her and her son the next day, playing soccer and eating ice cream. Next day played basketball. Im 24. Shes 28. He's 7. Something clicked with her from the minute I met her. I normally wouldn't go for someone I knew had kids but I was getting a great vibe. It's just weird that I am not dating her yet and I have already met her kid. I just want to know if she likes me. Any opinions?

I know If I introduce a man to my son...I'm serious. I don't want my son to get close to a man thats my friend so to say...then say um hun he doesn't want to hang out with us anymore!

[Raena77]

Originally Posted by Chowhound

I'm probably gonna get bashed here for saying this, but I don't think she should have introduced you to her kid yet.

That doesn't seem like good judgment to me.


JMHO

Yet again she may see you as a friend...and no biggy if he meets you.

[Chowhound]

Originally Posted by Jane72

Well, I guess this just shows how different life experiences lead to different perspectives.
My parents were divorced too when i was young. I understood, however, "Mom's friends" or "Dad's friends" or even "Mom's Boyfriends" and "Dad's girlfriends".
No reason for me to get overly attached to any of them; they weren't my friends. They were adults. I wasn't overly interested in them.
I had a great dad, so it's not like I was desperately trying to turn all of mom's male friends into some sort of father figure.
The OP states that this child has a good, involved father, as well.

After my divorce, I did whatever I wanted, with whomever I wanted, and I took my small son everywhere I went.
Why should I have "shielded" him from anyone? He never left my sight. Nobody could have hurt him, even if they wished to, which I seriously doubt.
I think it's good for kids to get out in the world and learn to be sociable, and we as parents must lead by example.
I never felt the need to turn my son into some sort of cowardly, cringing, paranoid wreck who believes the world is an evil place populated by bad guys who are out to get him.

I don't think I was "desperately" trying to turn all of her "friends" into father figures, just that young kids get attached to people. Nice cheap shot btw,

Yes, it is good to get your kid out in the world to learn to be sociable. My mother wasn't trying to turn me into some sort of "cowardly, cringing, paranoid wreck"

Again, way of base, and second cheap shot.

That's cool though, I'm glad things worked out well for you and your child.