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Old 01-08-2010, 04:43 PM
 
1 posts, read 1,573 times
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I just want to say being a victim of infidelity, it affects the whole circle of friends when it happens. Everyone feels uneasy around both you and your spouse. In my case it happened with a person in our "circle of trust". (WOW) That was even harder to swallow. Yes, good people do make mistakes but.... at that point a lot of people lose respect for them.... still dealing.
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Old 01-09-2010, 07:44 AM
 
Location: Bradenton, Florida
27,232 posts, read 46,537,102 times
Reputation: 11081
Quote:
Originally Posted by DennyCrane View Post
Thanks for clearing that up. Your original comment made it sound like you would shrug your shoulders and pretend to not know what your friend was doing.
If I found out somehow that an acquaintance of mine was a casual drug user, I wouldn't approve--but I wouldn't cut them out of my life either. What the other person does basically doesn't have an effect on who I am or how I choose to live my life.

I think the point raised was, what if you KNEW? Was it really any different when you did NOT know? So, in some respects, it's best not to get to know a person too deeply.
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Old 01-09-2010, 08:12 AM
 
Location: VA
76 posts, read 108,127 times
Reputation: 57
One of my close friends was cheating on his wife, she suspected something and called me to ask if I knew anything about it, I denied knowing anything hoping my friend would come to his senses. I also know had I said yes she would have run to him and said I had told her. I worked with her husband and couldn't see how getting in the middle of it would have had any good outcome.
She ended up killing herself, overdose.
He called me crying on the phone the morning he was told she was brain dead. He moved the women in that he was cheating with within a week, she cheated on him with another guy we work with. What a mess.
I don't have contact with him anymore although he comes around every year or so.
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Old 01-09-2010, 09:47 AM
 
Location: Pennsylvania
1,659 posts, read 2,768,624 times
Reputation: 2441
Quote:
Originally Posted by TKramar View Post
If I found out somehow that an acquaintance of mine was a casual drug user, I wouldn't approve--but I wouldn't cut them out of my life either. What the other person does basically doesn't have an effect on who I am or how I choose to live my life.

I think the point raised was, what if you KNEW? Was it really any different when you did NOT know? So, in some respects, it's best not to get to know a person too deeply.
If you end up behind bars because they were carrying or sneaking those casual drugs when you got stopped it can affect your life. If they drop or stash those drugs with you without your knowledge it can affect you.
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Old 01-09-2010, 07:11 PM
 
Location: Northside Of Jacksonville
3,337 posts, read 7,098,228 times
Reputation: 3464
Quote:
Originally Posted by Coolhand68 View Post
I don't judge my friends for their indiscretions or infidelity. They've never judged me for any of my faults either. I've been friends with these people for most of my life. True friends do not judge one another, turn their backs on one another or cut them out of their lives over something that is none of your business in the first place. But that's just me I guess. You are free to choose your friends in whatever fashion helps you sleep better at night. I imagine your friendships aren't all that deep to begin with if you can cut them out of your life for something like a fling with their SO.
I agree with this. It's not your or anyone's place to play Superman/superwoman to your friend's mate because your friend will accuse you as trying to steal their man or woman.

Quote:
Originally Posted by DennyCrane View Post
Good friends stick by one another and forgive each other when they make mistakes. But one thing I've noticed both with men and women is that if one person cheats, their friends often excuse them and sometimes even cover for them. I guess I've never understood people who do this. If one of my friends cheated, I don't think I'd ever look at them the same way. I certainly wouldn't be able to respect them and if you can't respect them, why would you stay friends with them? Maybe some of you will say that's too harsh. I don't think so. Who you associate with says a lot about you. One thing I would never do is cover for a friend I know is cheating.

What are your thoughts? Would you cover for a friend who cheated? Would you still be friends with them? How much are you willing to forgive your friends for and what point do you say "this is not the kind of person I feel good calling my friend"?
I also agree with this. One trait I'm big on is honesty and if one of my friends cheated on his girl, I'd call them on it and have them confess to their mate they cheated. It's not fair to her because she could be a good woman and I wouldn't feel right overlooking wrongdoing being done by my friend(s). We'd still be friends but it wouldn't be the same.
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Old 01-09-2010, 07:36 PM
 
Location: So Cal
51,931 posts, read 52,342,630 times
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I'd be real disappointed if I had a friend cheat on his wife. I would let him know about it in a hurry.

I would expect the same from a "friend"
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Old 01-09-2010, 07:49 PM
 
11,865 posts, read 16,955,904 times
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Most of my friends know my ideas on infidelity. They are smart enough not to let me know about it, or if I do find out, smart enough to put on a helmet initially. I will still love them though.
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Old 01-09-2010, 08:43 PM
 
Location: Bradenton, Florida
27,232 posts, read 46,537,102 times
Reputation: 11081
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ticatica View Post
If you end up behind bars because they were carrying or sneaking those casual drugs when you got stopped it can affect your life. If they drop or stash those drugs with you without your knowledge it can affect you.
The point is, I wouldn't. They're not MY drugs, they're someone else's. I would have to deny any responsibility for something that wasn't mine. And I would demand that we both receive a drug test.

I'm clean--I'm always clean.
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Old 01-09-2010, 10:35 PM
 
530 posts, read 778,330 times
Reputation: 432
I know that I can tell my true friends anything and not be tossed, they know the same about me. i am not here to judge them and deem them as an unworhty person to be tossed aside, friendship should be about support and acceptance IMO, so no if my friend was a cheater (and I have some) that does not mean I will expel them from my life. I was once one of those "there is absolutely no excuse/reason for cheating they are all wh*res" people but as I have grown up and experienced a bit more about people in general and the dynamic in which they live I am proudly not so judgemental now.
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Old 01-09-2010, 10:39 PM
 
Location: 2nd state in the union...
2,382 posts, read 4,581,370 times
Reputation: 1616
Quote:
Originally Posted by TKramar View Post
The point is, I wouldn't. They're not MY drugs, they're someone else's. I would have to deny any responsibility for something that wasn't mine. And I would demand that we both receive a drug test.

I'm clean--I'm always clean.
I think you're in denial that it could potentially affect you.

And I'm sure you know that not every person who deals/sells/distributes drugs actually uses them. Therefore, getting a drug test would not in and of itself prove that you weren't an accessory to distribution.
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