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Old 07-03-2009, 02:29 AM
 
137 posts, read 138,734 times
Reputation: 142

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Quote:
Originally Posted by crossing over View Post
I don't think it's wise that you make this difference.

Might be that you're looking to find excuses to go on and, as long as thingS ARE BAD on some grounds (destroyed libido) and not others (affair) you can bring yourself to carry on. In reality, though, things ARE BAD. Sometimes it's as simple as that.

Ask yourself this question - can you?
If you can, hope for nothing more and continue.

...
I CAN . I just want to help fix this, not help make this worse. And people in love in a relationship tend to be blind and not see what's right in front of their nose. That's the reason why i posted here, to see how other people see the situation and what they think would be the possible problem Thanks for the reply though.
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Old 07-03-2009, 08:06 AM
 
Location: Norwood, MN
1,828 posts, read 2,347,424 times
Reputation: 846
Quote:
Originally Posted by bxlefty23 View Post
seriously why would you marry this guy if his sex drive did not remotely match yours?

i could understand if he changed over night - but you knew this going in

honestly one thing that would petrify me if i ever got married would be that everyone says once you get married sex drops off like crazy
the idea of getting married, and sex or something else very important dropping off and basiclaly not being able to get out of it without being fleeced financially is petrifying
I am not saying it happens ALL the time, but I started getting sex far less often almost right after we got married. The same happened to my brother, and to several of my friends. So yes, it does happen.
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Old 07-03-2009, 11:04 AM
 
1,464 posts, read 1,633,375 times
Reputation: 1092
see and thats what scares the **** outta me about marriage
you make a life long commitment to someone who can change overnight and then you are screwed
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Old 07-03-2009, 12:08 PM
 
Location: Pa
33,758 posts, read 19,842,679 times
Reputation: 17960
Quote:
Originally Posted by Waynec613 View Post
Just don't get that. If there's not a valid medical reason for it, why would anyone settle for not having their needs met in a relationship, if discussing this or otherwise communicating effectively?

It doesn't have to be all about THEM, or sex, but there are obvious limits here, that's about a thousand times past it.
Usually thats the one thing that makes me closer to a man. I would get help....I don't think if I loved a man....i could hold back the love for him.
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Old 07-03-2009, 12:11 PM
 
Location: Pa
33,758 posts, read 19,842,679 times
Reputation: 17960
Quote:
Originally Posted by Waynec613 View Post
I kinda doubt that. If it was that bad, the decent thing to do is simply divorce if she's unwilling to delve further into why with counseling or the like. I just can't see taking a lifetime bullet like that for the sake of a facade. It's fairly obvious she doesn't give much of a crap about you if it's that bad. So there's obviously no real feelings left.
I really do think he's hiding something....he needs to talk to you about it...if he gets b*tchy tell him get help or I am getting the papers.
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Old 07-03-2009, 12:15 PM
 
Location: southern california
49,802 posts, read 46,891,519 times
Reputation: 41034
people are not very good about meeting their obligations. for me being single is much better.
the tap shuts off instantly when the love goes away.
never never prepay for a swimming pool. it will be years b4 they get around to finishing it. once they are prepaid you are no longer a priority.
and that my friend, is the essential difference between the way we do it and biblical marriage.
when people are on temp status they tow the line, but when in perm status, they slack off like crazy.
as illustrated by your post guy girl makes no difference. slacking is genderless.
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Old 07-03-2009, 12:17 PM
 
1,091 posts, read 2,403,662 times
Reputation: 994
Quote:
Originally Posted by Raena77 View Post
I really do think he's hiding something....he needs to talk to you about it...if he gets b*tchy tell him get help or I am getting the papers.

I've known guys like the one the OP describes.
What he's "hiding" is that he suffers from premature ejaculation, a common condition in young men, and it humiliates him so much that it's causing him to avoid sex altogether.
Which is a vicious cycle, because the only real cure for it is time, age, experience... and having lots of sex.

I don't recall if the OP mentioned ages, but I'll bet this husband is quite young.
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Old 07-03-2009, 12:18 PM
 
Location: Coachella Valley, California
15,226 posts, read 25,245,830 times
Reputation: 12386
Quote:
Originally Posted by Huckleberry3911948 View Post
people are not very good about meeting their obligations. for me being single is much better.
the tap shuts off instantly when the love goes away.
never never prepay for a swimming pool. it will be years b4 they get around to finishing it. once they are prepaid you are no longer a priority.
and that my friend, is the essential difference between the way we do it and biblical marriage.
when people are on temp status they tow the line, but when in perm status, they slack off like crazy.
as illustrated by your post guy girl makes no difference. slacking is genderless.
Just wondering ... is splashing okay? How about peeing in the pool?
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Old 07-03-2009, 12:22 PM
 
Location: southern california
49,802 posts, read 46,891,519 times
Reputation: 41034
Quote:
Originally Posted by Twinkle Toes View Post
Just wondering ... is splashing okay? How about peeing in the pool?
frightening underhanded skill.
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Old 07-04-2009, 01:21 AM
 
253 posts, read 719,899 times
Reputation: 255
There is a possibility that your husband could be asexual. Asexual people run a good range but they all fit under the category of being of being rarely to never interested in sex and sexuality. They are usually asexual naturally and not due to temporary or fixable circumstances of any kind (past sexual abuse, depression, medication, body image issues)

The most extreme cases of asexuality are when someone is completely repulsed and turned off by ANYTHING sexual. They really and truly do not find any attraction to sex and do not have sexual attraction to others.

Romantic asexuals like to be affectionate and they might feel sexual once in a while (especially and preferably by themselves) but it rare and they are extremely temperamental toward sex. To have sex, they need everything to be nearly perfect in time and place setting. The slightest thing can disrupt their desire for sex or sexual intimacy at the moment. You have to get them at the right time...the right window of opportunity, which is infrequent. Again you might see them pleasure themselves alone and think they are lying about having sexual attraction to you, but again many romantic asexuals usually pleasure themselves out of the rare times they feel they need sexual release and they prefer it usually alone than with a partner if they find that partner attractive.

Another sign of asexuality is a lack of good rhythm during sex or sexual awkwardness and passivity. They do not have a true curiosity about sex so you will never see them read up, ask about or learn about sex out of their own initiative FOR THE SOLE PURPOSE of further shaping and identifying their own sexuality. They might be curious about how very sexual people operate just from a theoretical standpoint but that's the most you'll see.

The person doesn't have a natural essence of sensuality about them. That's another sign. They'd rather do other things besides sex because they believe other things are way fulfilling. "Sex is not that important"..."I could live without sex for the rest of my life"..."I have sex because you want to"..."I don't get the big deal about having sex. It's overrated" and so on...these are things you might hear from someone who is asexual.

Hope any of this helps...to figure out what your situation is about or what the problem could be. Good luck.
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