Another Jealousy story - hurt people hurt people - need advice on therapy for myself...

[Martian536]

I just wanted to say Thanks All for all your advice.. I want to let you know something crazy that happened.. a good friend of OURS.. the only guy that pretty much linked us together (when she moved out on me, she stayed at my guy friend's house for 2 weeks.. he's gay by the way). He was supposed to be one of my groomsmen too.. Anyway, the guy passed away in Las Vegas while having a 4th of july weekend there.. he had a heart attack at the young age of 28!..

Anyway, the last 2 weekends, we had no chocie but to bump into each other.. the 1st weekend, our friend was on life support in the hospital.. we had no time to hold grudges against each other because our friend was dying.. Her whole family came down to visit and the mom out of all people was talking and hanging out with me.. she knew what her daughter did to me and she even invited me to have lunch with them.. it was so awkward.. we didn't really talk much..but towards the end of the trip, i didn't ignore her and i just said my hi and bye and wished her well.. i showed that i was okay without her as much as i can and never talked about us..

then fast forward to last weekend, we had to come back for his viewing becuase he passed away during the week.. she's back with her bestfriend and i continue to show that im doing fine.. its hard to try to avoid her because she's just there.. i even asked her if she can walk with me to see our friend because he was the one who was hoping to be a part of our wedding and the least he'd want is to have both of us by his side in peace... so i initiated that... so i have small chat with her friend by her side and just simply don't ignore her.. whats funny is we all meet at some restaurant and towards teh end of the night we had a large group picture taking.. and guess what, the girl runs out of her car and runs and stands right next to me and puts her arm around me... weird!! a mixed signal.. then she has her sister and her bestfriend hang out with me (she goes home with her aunt because she wasn't feeling well).. i gave her a friendly hug goodbye and leave her in peace...

anyway, im getting mixed signals but my friend's passing allowed me to wipe the slates clean.. the way she broke it off with me was devastating and i was emotional, i basically reenforced her decision to dump me because i couldn't take it with dignity.. it was my last effort to show that im holding my own... i was around alot of friends and she knew i'd be okay...

so now its severe no contact from here on.. i don't think ill have a reason to bump into her again for several months... now its her choice to realize what she's lost...


thanks for all the advice guys!

[Ticatica]

Originally Posted by Martian536

It wasn't necessarily that she was a virgin.. its more of the fact that she put a guy between us... whenever you're dating or courting someone, don't ruin the dynamics by causing a vicious love triangle.. if she never committed such a selfish mistake, i wouldn't have turned out to be a jealous partner... and realize i was wrong for not being able to close the past.. then again, like i said.. she did something else that made me realize she's the type that likes to keep her guy options open.. and when she went on a break (before officially breaking up), I was noticing she was reconnecting with old high school flings again and starting to give her number out to random dudes like she needs guy friends around... like totally trying to rebound right away... im keeping my dignity... i really take blame for causing her identity crisis because although she was a confused insecure girl in the beginning, she's grown to a woman and became loyal but i could've treated her better and now i feel like ive lost her to who she was when she first met me, the side of her that she's not really happy to be... when i met her, she dressed like a single girl wanting attention cuz i knew she just wanted to be loved, then she became very conservative with me and didn't care about partying and became more of a family woman while i became the insecure one.. i know the partying she's doing and all that is becuase she's really hurt and trying to put a major front and i hope we both find it in our heart to forgive each other and start new..

Correct me if I read it wrong but in your OP you said you were dating casually. She wasn't your girlfriend. You hadn't locked her down. You were free to date others as was she. You were free to have sex with others as was she. She didn't cheat on you. You may have brainwashed her into thinking she should apologize but she wasn't wrong.

That example was the ONLY one you could come up with in EIGHT YEARS. You are on the verge of becoming not only emotionally abusive and controlling but friggin' obsessed!

Originally Posted by Martian536

.. whats funny is we all meet at some restaurant and towards teh end of the night we had a large group picture taking.. and guess what, the girl runs out of her car and runs and stands right next to me and puts her arm around me... weird!! a mixed signal.. then she has her sister and her bestfriend hang out with me (she goes home with her aunt because she wasn't feeling well).. i gave her a friendly hug goodbye and leave her in peace...

anyway, im getting mixed signals but my friend's passing allowed me to wipe the slates clean.. the way she broke it off with me was devastating and i was emotional, i basically reenforced her decision to dump me because i couldn't take it with dignity.. it was my last effort to show that im holding my own... i was around alot of friends and she knew i'd be okay...

so now its severe no contact from here on.. i don't think ill have a reason to bump into her again for several months... now its her choice to realize what she's lost...


thanks for all the advice guys!

Please don't fantasize about getting back with her. Don't presume to know why she's "partying and all that". It is not a front and you will get your feelings hurt from living up in your head. She took one last picture and is moving on, my man. She hasn't lost a thing because even now you wrote the story blaming her for your inappropriate reaction and eight years of dirty fighting. YOU did that. You seriously need help before you could attempt a relationship with anyone. You've been using that puffed up nonsense as an excuse to emotionally whip on this girl. How about you love her enough to stop?