How are women supposed to know? (dating, girlfriends, marriage, single)

[Annie3]

This is a two parter:

PT 1: I have heard many people say that women should ask men out, and I totally agree. But there are a number of men out there who feel like they have to drive, if you know what I mean. They think if a woman asks out a man she is aggressive or unfeminine. So, since we are not mind readers, how are we supposed to know if the guy we are interested in (and, ideally, appears interested in us) will appreciate us forging ahead and asking him out, and who will find it a turn off?

PT 2: I have gone ahead and given my number to guys that I have been interested in and who, at least I thought, showed interest in me. Now, I completely understand that I am not every guy's type, and that is fine. But what I have found frustrating is waiting for that phone call from the guy who acted interested. So, guys, if a woman gives you her number and you are not really interested/celibate/gay/involved/etc, why not just give her a call and say: Hey, I really appreciated you giving me your number, but I (fill in the blank here).
For me, I would really just rather know that he is not interested and not going to call right away than wait around for a few weeks and then feel like an idiot for giving out my number.

[killer2021]

Well, normally I give advice more oriented to men but I guess my rules can be applied to women as well.

First off, you have to learn to play the numbers game correctly. There are alot of single men (as well as single women) out there so just by being proactive about meeting guys you will be more likely to get a decent man compared to some girl who sits passive. That should be your motivation.

If the man feels he, "needs to drive." Then just say the hell with him. If you are playing the numbers game you have to learn to accept rejection. That is just the way life is. After awhile you learn to not care about rejection. I've been rejected HUNDREDS of times, it is no big deal anymore. I've had girls laugh at me in my face, call me names, walked away without saying anything you name it. I just blow all this stuff off as if it never happened. I know the more girls I ask out/make a move on the better chance I get of hooking up, finding a decent person so on.

These women think they are all cool because then turn a guy down. The funny thing is that they don't know that I made a similar approach on the last 15 women and not all of them rejected me

They think if a woman asks out a man she is aggressive or unfeminine.

Some guys do, some guys don't.

So, since we are not mind readers, how are we supposed to know if the guy we are interested in (and, ideally, appears interested in us) will appreciate us forging ahead and asking him out, and who will find it a turn off?

Like you said, no one is a mind reader. This is EXACTLY what men have to go through. How do I know if she is interested blah blah blah. There are subtle signs and I would encourage you to read up on positive non verbal male body language. Other than that, there is no sure fire way to find out so you just have to take risks and just go after guys you are interested in. You have NOTHING to loose and everything to gain!

But what I have found frustrating is waiting for that phone call from the guy who acted interested.

Don't take it so serious and focus on having fun. If you see a guy you like, talk to him, after a while give him your phone number and say, "call me sometime." That is all you need to do. If he is interested he will call, if not, move on. Don't just focus on 2-3 guys, go after 10+. The more numbers you give out the better chance you have of finding a decent guy.

why not just give her a call and say: Hey, I really appreciated you giving me your number, but I (fill in the blank here).

We figure you would get the hint that if we don't call, we aren't interested. It works both ways. I've given out my number hundreds of times and most women don't call back. I know they aren't interested and I leave it at that.

For me, I would really just rather know that he is not interested and not going to call right away than wait around for a few weeks and then feel like an idiot for giving out my number.

Thats why you have to play the numbers game. The more often you give out your number the better chance you have of getting called. If multiple guys call, then start talking to all of them.

[Waynec613]

Originally Posted by Annie3

This is a two parter:

PT 1: I have heard many people say that women should ask men out, and I totally agree. But there are a number of men out there who feel like they have to drive, if you know what I mean. They think if a woman asks out a man she is aggressive or unfeminine. So, since we are not mind readers, how are we supposed to know if the guy we are interested in (and, ideally, appears interested in us) will appreciate us forging ahead and asking him out, and who will find it a turn off?

PT 2: I have gone ahead and given my number to guys that I have been interested in and who, at least I thought, showed interest in me. Now, I completely understand that I am not every guy's type, and that is fine. But what I have found frustrating is waiting for that phone call from the guy who acted interested. So, guys, if a woman gives you her number and you are not really interested/celibate/gay/involved/etc, why not just give her a call and say: Hey, I really appreciated you giving me your number, but I (fill in the blank here).
For me, I would really just rather know that he is not interested and not going to call right away than wait around for a few weeks and then feel like an idiot for giving out my number.

Eh, I'd say if they're put off by it, probably not worth the effort anyhow. To many it's a still a sign of desperation, to me, if I think she's at least selective about it's flattering. And it's on.

The second part, it's just the chicken dating technique, most people hate being the bad guy/girl, and actually verifying that they don't have an interest in you saves them empathy effort.

[Jay100]

Originally Posted by Annie3

This is a two parter:

PT 1: I have heard many people say that women should ask men out, and I totally agree. But there are a number of men out there who feel like they have to drive, if you know what I mean. They think if a woman asks out a man she is aggressive or unfeminine. So, since we are not mind readers, how are we supposed to know if the guy we are interested in (and, ideally, appears interested in us) will appreciate us forging ahead and asking him out, and who will find it a turn off?

PT 2: I have gone ahead and given my number to guys that I have been interested in and who, at least I thought, showed interest in me. Now, I completely understand that I am not every guy's type, and that is fine. But what I have found frustrating is waiting for that phone call from the guy who acted interested. So, guys, if a woman gives you her number and you are not really interested/celibate/gay/involved/etc, why not just give her a call and say: Hey, I really appreciated you giving me your number, but I (fill in the blank here).
For me, I would really just rather know that he is not interested and not going to call right away than wait around for a few weeks and then feel like an idiot for giving out my number.

If I am interested in somebody, I will give the person lots of eye contact. I think eye contact is big deal to me. If they're looking at you with intent and interest, or with a smile, that's probably a good sign. If they're looking away, however, probably not a good sign. Also, if I'm interested in somebody I will let the person know either by e-mail, in person or phone: "Hey, I had a nice time with at lunch. Let's plan something soon."

Guys, will usually let you know if they're interested in you specifically.

[blazejen]

Why not just get his number if you're interested? Or is that just really too aggressive to consider?

[NotARedneck]

Originally Posted by Annie3

PT 1: I have heard many people say that women should ask men out, and I totally agree. But there are a number of men out there who feel like they have to drive, if you know what I mean. They think if a woman asks out a man she is aggressive or unfeminine.

The type of guy who thinks that way is the type who is already successful with women. If he were interested in you, he would likely have already asked and he doesn't like it when you approach him. It puts him on the spot. If you are looking for such a guy, lots of luck, but don't get your hopes up.

There are two other situations when you might want to approach a man - a guy who has good character and other related attributes, but is less successful with women.

The first is that you are one of the rare type of women who is looking for such a man and is not hung up on looks, height, wealth, etc. and whether he is in demand by a lot of other women. Such men often lack confidence and an approach will be appreciated. Often the feeling might be mutual and they were trying to get up the nerve. Don't miss the opportunity.

Originally Posted by Annie3

So, since we are not mind readers, how are we supposed to know if the guy we are interested in (and, ideally, appears interested in us) will appreciate us forging ahead and asking him out, and who will find it a turn off?

They will not resent this as "aggressive or unfeminine" but they will be suspicious. Why?

Well, in most situations where guys are approached, its the second situation - an approach by women who is desperate for a relationship. This tends to happen when she has problems like spending addictions, neuroses, health problems and other things she'd like him to solve and he'd rather avoid. Such women can be very effective at hiding their true nature for a while and if the guy isn't aware of the signs and willing to give the relationship time to find out, he's likely to end up in one bad marriage.

However, suspicious or not, you'll know that this type of man is interested because, he will reciprocate and plan activities with you.

The guys who don't call are those you put on the spot.

[Annie3]

Originally Posted by blazejen

Why not just get his number if you're interested? Or is that just really too aggressive to consider?

I have no problem being assertive, but I'd rather give him my number than ask for his and put him on the spot. If I give a guy my number 1-I'm showing him I'm interested and 2-the ball is in his court if he's interested or not.

And killer, I'm not interested in playing the numbers game. I'm about quality, not quantity.


The specific instance I was thinking of was a guy who comes into my work, who I felt a real spark for. I made sure to smile and say hello when he came in, but not over do it. After a few weeks he was the one smiling and saying hello first, but we never had a chance to talk. I asked a few other people at work (who had been there longer) and it turns out he is very shy, and divorced (as am I- so I thought maybe he was just gunshy). Finally I screwed up the nerve to give him my number, thinking if he was shy and interested it would be a clear/obvious sign that I was interested - I felt like I was giving him an opening. But, he never called

[Annie3]

Originally Posted by NotARedneck

They will not resent this as "aggressive or unfeminine" but they will be suspicious. Why?

Well, in most situations where guys are approached, its the second situation - an approach by women who is desperate for a relationship. This tends to happen when she has problems like spending addictions, neuroses, health problems and other things she'd like him to solve and he'd rather avoid. Such women can be very effective at hiding their true nature for a while and if the guy isn't aware of the signs

The guys who don't call are those you put on the spot.

This just makes me sad. I'm not desperate for a relationship, quite the opposite in fact, I am very content being on my own. I'm not hiding anything, I don't have an agenda or any kind of "issues" (addiction, debt, neuroses, daddy issues) that I'm trying to hide until I "catch" a guy.

It is so sad the games we play, and the rules we have all come up with. It shouldn't be so hard to just say to someone "I find you interesting/attractive and I'd like to get to know you better" and go from there.

[TurnedOnByFeet]

If you like a guy, rub him between the legs.

He'll melt in your arms.


Simple

[atlantagreg30127]

Originally Posted by Annie3

This is a two parter:

PT 1: I have heard many people say that women should ask men out, and I totally agree. But there are a number of men out there who feel like they have to drive, if you know what I mean. They think if a woman asks out a man she is aggressive or unfeminine. So, since we are not mind readers, how are we supposed to know if the guy we are interested in (and, ideally, appears interested in us) will appreciate us forging ahead and asking him out, and who will find it a turn off?

PT 2: I have gone ahead and given my number to guys that I have been interested in and who, at least I thought, showed interest in me. Now, I completely understand that I am not every guy's type, and that is fine. But what I have found frustrating is waiting for that phone call from the guy who acted interested. So, guys, if a woman gives you her number and you are not really interested/celibate/gay/involved/etc, why not just give her a call and say: Hey, I really appreciated you giving me your number, but I (fill in the blank here).
For me, I would really just rather know that he is not interested and not going to call right away than wait around for a few weeks and then feel like an idiot for giving out my number.

PT1: Many men I know don't mind if the woman asks, if she asks in the right way. That is, after they've sat and talked and if she casually asks if he'd like to go to dinner or something some night - note keyword "casually". If in any way she comes across as "very seriously asking for a date", then he'll run. Also, if you invite him over to your place to "cook him a home meal", no matter how innocent you may want that to be or how good you can cook, it will translate into, "I'm gettin' lucky".

PT2: Men take their time. When a woman sees something that needs to be done, she has that, "do it now" thing in her brain. Men have that "when I get around to it" thing - and that includes calling people back. If a women meets a nice guy, from the moment they part ways initially, she's already thinking about when he'll call, calling her girlfriends, and then thinking about when he's going to call. When they initially part, the man on the other hand, is thinking about going home, pooping, watching TV, getting a beer, and then falling asleep. He might after a couple of days think, "Hey, that XXX gal was ok, I think I want to ask her out", and then call. Kinda like marriage - women start thinking about marriage and planning the day around the age of 5 or 6. Men start thinking about it about 4 days before the actual wedding.

Yes, when a lot of guys aren't interested, they do tend to "avoid" the girl, but then, here's how it goes: A guy gets the nuts to text or email a girl (our most comfortable way) that he appreciates it, but he's not interested. Then the girl get furious that he texted or emailed instead of called, and chews him a new one for not calling and doing it over the phone. Over time, the guys will not even attempt to do it via ANY communication menthod, due to being (at least the way they see it) attacked for doing it at all. Doesn't speak for all guys of course, but I've seen it more than a few times.

Oh yeah, completely unrelated, but here's a hint: After you've started dating, never, EVER, knock on the bathroom door and try to have a conversation with a guy if he's in there pooping. You lose major points for that.