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Sorry for the long message, but would like some help with a "friendly" discussion we are having!!!!
I have been with this guy for 5+ years now. He moved out of state for a job. He has been gone 15 months now. He IS trying to get back home. We are both in our 40's. We DO love each other, have our share of problems.
He is doing his best to network- meeting new people, job forums etc., since he lost his job a few months ago. He met this female over a month ago in a social group setting while looking for work.
He says they are "just friends". Naturally,I looked at the phone records... what HE said, did seem to coincide with the records. They talk every few days or so, and the calls are somewhat short. He says she has connections - in hopes of finding him a job. Again he SAYS they are just friends. I am TRYING to be open minded. So, a month into "their" new found friendship, I find out she called him and left this kind of message: "Hi, how about coming to my house tonight amd we'll sit on the porch and talk".....
HE says it's innocent (BTW he did not go). They are JUST friends- what is the harm. I said she crossed the line... he said he doesn't think so- they are JUST FRIENDS. (He is trying to reassure me).
He SAYS she knows about me (that he & I are a couple).
My question is basically DID she cross the line??? CAN it really BE innocent?.
He says he has no feelings for her (again records show their calls are short, he never initiates- he is JUST LOOKING FOR A JOB!!!)
I think she crossed the line......why would a female ask another female's man over "just to talk"......am I being too hard on my guy, too suspicious.....
Thanks......
FOR THE RECORD- just to avoid any comments. I am 100% certain SEX will not be an issue here. Without going into detail, that is not even a concern of mine.Merely DID she cross it/inappropriate, CAN it be innoocent.
Last edited by justme4now; 07-03-2009 at 07:57 PM..
Reason: clarification
Sometimes those end up to be more than that - especially when his SO is not in town.
I will have to confess I sense this as more of an temptation "issue" for men in general for this situation if away for any real length of time. As sex is more compartmentalized from love.
So...in all, I really don't have anything better to say besides, "that situation sucks". For just about all involved. It is pretty clear he's at least attempting to avoid it however.
I definitely think she has more on her agenda than "just friends".
She crossed a line as far as I am concerned.
But, as for your boyfriend, you either need to learn to trust him or get out.
The fact that you looked at his call records and know the conversations are short and he did not initiate them means you DON'T trust him.
This is also crossing a line, IMO.
Good luck.
I`m sure that has to be a tough situation, all the way around.
I, personally, don`t see the need in her asking him to come by, so they can talk.
They can "talk" over the phone.
Is it to where you could possibly go to him for awhile? If you could, you might be able to get a feel on this friendship.
Sorry for the long message, but would like some help with a "friendly" discussion we are having!!!!
I have been with this guy for 5+ years now. He moved out of state for a job. He has been gone 15 months now. He IS trying to get back home. We are both in our 40's. We DO love each other, have our share of problems.
He is doing his best to network- meeting new people, job forums etc., since he lost his job a few months ago. He met this female over a month ago in a social group setting while looking for work.
He says they are "just friends". Naturally,I looked at the phone records... what HE said, did seem to coincide with the records. They talk every few days or so, and the calls are somewhat short. He says she has connections - in hopes of finding him a job. Again he SAYS they are just friends. I am TRYING to be open minded. So, a month into "their" new found friendship, I find out she called him and left this kind of message: "Hi, how about coming to my house tonight amd we'll sit on the porch and talk".....
HE says it's innocent (BTW he did not go). They are JUST friends- what is the harm. I said she crossed the line... he said he doesn't think so- they are JUST FRIENDS. (He is trying to reassure me).
He SAYS she knows about me (that he & I are a couple).
My question is basically DID she cross the line??? CAN it really BE innocent?.
He says he has no feelings for her (again records show their calls are short, he never initiates- he is JUST LOOKING FOR A JOB!!!)
I think she crossed the line......why would a female ask another female's man over "just to talk"......am I being too hard on my guy, too suspicious.....
Thanks......
FOR THE RECORD- just to avoid any comments. I am 100% certain SEX will not be an issue here. Without going into detail, that is not even a concern of mine.Merely DID she cross it/inappropriate, CAN it be innoocent.
okay, if he lost the job he moved away from you for, why can't he just move back to where you are and try to get a new job there? Just wondering why he stays there...
The woman could be completely on the up and up, no bad intentions whatsoever, or she could have been testing the waters. Either way, your guy did the right thing, he didn't go, so what's the big deal? Your relationship is with him, not her, either you trust him or you don't. Leave her out of the equation. Far as I can see he's done nothing to deserve you being upset about. In fact, he did the right thing by not accepting the invitation - so quit being so hard on him
If you aren't a friend of hers, I'd say it's hard to accuse her of crossing any line. Some people figure that until there's a marriage, there's no adultery or anything like that.
It really depends more on how your relationship is, you're not married, you're not living together and if he's the kind of guy that can have female friends, platonic relationships with women.
Invite her over to a barbeque one of these weekends. Make sure she sees that you and your boyfriend have a loving relationship. If she had any plans of moving in, this might stop her. If he refuses, then you know he likes her more than "just friends".
Sorry for the long message, but would like some help with a "friendly" discussion we are having!!!!
I have been with this guy for 5+ years now. He moved out of state for a job. He has been gone 15 months now. He IS trying to get back home. We are both in our 40's. We DO love each other, have our share of problems.
He is doing his best to network- meeting new people, job forums etc., since he lost his job a few months ago. He met this female over a month ago in a social group setting while looking for work.
He says they are "just friends". Naturally,I looked at the phone records... what HE said, did seem to coincide with the records. They talk every few days or so, and the calls are somewhat short. He says she has connections - in hopes of finding him a job. Again he SAYS they are just friends. I am TRYING to be open minded. So, a month into "their" new found friendship, I find out she called him and left this kind of message: "Hi, how about coming to my house tonight amd we'll sit on the porch and talk".....
HE says it's innocent (BTW he did not go). They are JUST friends- what is the harm. I said she crossed the line... he said he doesn't think so- they are JUST FRIENDS. (He is trying to reassure me).
He SAYS she knows about me (that he & I are a couple).
My question is basically DID she cross the line??? CAN it really BE innocent?.
He says he has no feelings for her (again records show their calls are short, he never initiates- he is JUST LOOKING FOR A JOB!!!)
I think she crossed the line......why would a female ask another female's man over "just to talk"......am I being too hard on my guy, too suspicious.....
Thanks......
FOR THE RECORD- just to avoid any comments. I am 100% certain SEX will not be an issue here. Without going into detail, that is not even a concern of mine.Merely DID she cross it/inappropriate, CAN it be innoocent.
Yes, it can be innocent. Whether she crossed the line or not depends on who's drawing it.
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