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Old 07-03-2009, 08:49 PM
 
2,030 posts, read 1,715,998 times
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ok, me and my GF have been dating for about 2 months, a couple weeks ago she ended up kissing some other guy, about a week later she told me, she seemed genuienly remorseful and she had been crying for the whole week after it happened. when i asked her why she told me, She told me she had to be honest with me and she could not lie to me. When i asked her why she did it, she told me she was overcome, and not in the right state of mind, and she was kind of pushed into it(whatever the f**k that means) I decided to take a 1 month break and told her to not talk to me at all for that one month for me to sort this out.

Now, for some reason i cannot make up my mind about what to do, its always one day, i should just cut and run, the next day ill be maybe i should give her a second chance. What should i do?
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Old 07-03-2009, 08:52 PM
 
Location: NW Montana
283 posts, read 637,088 times
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Since you have only been dating for a couple months, I would vote "cut and run". There are plenty of other women out there that will be able to avoid being "overcome" with the urge to lock lips with someone other than you.
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Old 07-03-2009, 08:58 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,270 posts, read 85,146,428 times
Reputation: 39643
Quote:
Originally Posted by lkm370 View Post
ok, me and my GF have been dating for about 2 months, a couple weeks ago she ended up kissing some other guy, about a week later she told me, she seemed genuienly remorseful and she had been crying for the whole week after it happened. when i asked her why she told me, She told me she had to be honest with me and she could not lie to me. When i asked her why she did it, she told me she was overcome, and not in the right state of mind, and she was kind of pushed into it(whatever the f**k that means) I decided to take a 1 month break and told her to not talk to me at all for that one month for me to sort this out.

Now, for some reason i cannot make up my mind about what to do, its always one day, i should just cut and run, the next day ill be maybe i should give her a second chance. What should i do?
I'm guessing she had been drinking - not that that would excuse her behavior, just explain it.

I think maybe the best thing you can do for her and for yourself is to call it a day. If she doesn't learn something from this experience she'll be more likely to repeat it again. Standing firm with a zero tolerance would be better for both of you. Remember, in life we teach people how to treat us - be careful what you teach.
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Old 07-03-2009, 08:59 PM
 
Location: Tennessee
16,227 posts, read 21,766,326 times
Reputation: 23996
At least she come clean and told you about it.
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Old 07-03-2009, 09:02 PM
 
2,030 posts, read 1,715,998 times
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Originally Posted by lovesMountains View Post
I'm guessing she had been drinking - not that that would excuse her behavior, just explain it.
.
actually, she wasnt
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Old 07-03-2009, 09:13 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,270 posts, read 85,146,428 times
Reputation: 39643
Quote:
Originally Posted by lkm370 View Post
actually, she wasnt
ohhhh, bad news - she made a sober choice to do this??? Now you really do need to move on honey, sorry.
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Old 07-03-2009, 11:15 PM
 
Location: Tampa (by way of Omaha)
13,694 posts, read 18,135,383 times
Reputation: 8870
You should take her back long enough just to nail her a couple more times (preferably in a very dirty, degrading way) and then toss her ass out the door.

But, if you're not into the vindictive, emotionally scar her for life type of thing, just tell her you don't want to spend anymore time on a cheating *****. Whichever one makes you feel best.
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Old 07-03-2009, 11:40 PM
 
985 posts, read 2,281,487 times
Reputation: 722
I'd dump her and not look back.
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Old 07-03-2009, 11:58 PM
 
253 posts, read 930,561 times
Reputation: 265
Only two months in and someone has already shown you their rear end.

I say cut things off. That might sound blunt and cold, but seriously, if she just couldn't control herself, what more does this say about her ability to commit to something much deeper and longer? Doesn't say much. And there's never an excuse for her locking lips if you two declared to each other to start being committed and building a relationship.

Her actions say that she's not ready for something serious and needs to just be single and date around until she feels she is ready or she even discovers that she might not be one built for a monogamous connection. Some people aren't. Better to discover that earlier than later.

But I guess what you do all depends on how serious you also are in building a monogamous and strong relationship with emotional honesty (doesn't count when someone -cheats- and THEN fesses up), mutual integrity, mutual self-knowledge and awareness and open communication (getting things out on the table and seeing how and if you and someone else truly connect).

Starting asking yourself what you want and expect in a relationship. Start looking at what your values are. Your strengths, your weaknesses and your past mistakes. Start asking how well you truly know and understand yourself. People severely underestimate how important the latter exploration is.

If you put up with the lame behavior like the kind you described...earlier on in a relationship, you aren't really looking for a serous relationship with someone who desires the same and can walk the walk.

I can guarantee that things won't get better from here on out.

...and even if your girlfriend was drunk...I still find that a red flag too. Why be with someone who puts herself in situations where she knows she won't have control of herself? Very impulsive personality...unpredictable patterns in a relationship...not good...
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Old 07-04-2009, 12:32 AM
 
10,996 posts, read 11,014,307 times
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We warned her not to tell you. We said nothing good would come of it.

Well, now that she's gone and told you, you need to get to the bottom of why she did it. Ask her if this has happened before and why ? Ask her if she thinks you guys are having problems. Ask if she would ever do it again. Ask her why she really told you and wants to be honest with you.

It seems she wants your relationship to be based on honesty and what she did could of been a stupid mistake on her part due to her lack of maturity and bad upbringing. Give her a chance, but not without some kind of warning that this will not be tolerated ever again no matter how many tears she cries. What you are doing now by not talking to her for a month is good. Its showing her that you are no doormat and that there will be consequences for her actions. Follow through. And if this is too much of a turn off for you, let her loose. But do forgive her . She wont be able to forgive herself if you dont.
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