Stuck in a rut and not sure what to do about it (dating, women)

[dude2136]

I'm 30 and single. Spent most of my 20s working long hours in various jobs while most others were having fun....went to school and worked at the same time for most of that time. I built up a career but have not had much fun up to this point in terms of social activities, having fun with friends, and dating.

- currently work as a computer programmer in a high-stress sharktank environment. I'm either sitting behind a computer or dealing with politics so there isn't much meaningful social interaction.

- live in an smallish town where it is difficult to meet single women (most have kids or divorced or obese)

- live near dysfunctional family members (and divorced parents) and keep getting stuck in the middle of their drama

- spend half my Saturdays cutting grass and doing yardwork. Others are traveling, going to concerts, ballgames, etc. Half the time I don't have the energy to do anything due to the job and commute.

- nearly 60 hours a week is tied up in work and the commute

Sometimes I think about hitting the reboot button and starting over. Or else making some serious changes...

Should I move? Living in a house in a smaller town has its perks but sometimes I wonder what it would be like to live in an apartment in a vibrant city with a lot of social activities and plenty of other singles that don't have kids. People tell me that I'm lucky to have a job and shouldn't make any moves until the economy improves. But what if it takes 3 or 4 years for the economy to improve? I'll be almost 35 years old!

Should I find a new gig or career? Outside of work, I don't have much interest in programming anymore (they invent new programming languages every week for no good reason, every employer wants you to know 35 of them, you spend a lot of your time learning each new pointless language that does the same **** that a dozen older ones do, etc.).

I love my family but constantly being dragged down by their negative BS. Parents divorced not too long ago and I'm still dealing with the fallout from that.

Has anyone been in a similar rut? What did you do about it?

[jeninmt]

Haven't been there myself, but have friends that have.
If you can find a good job somewhere far away, I would give it a try.
If you own your house, rent it out for a year or two instead of selling, that way you can always come back.
A friend of mine joined something like the Peace Corps for two years and traveled.
It was enough for her to want to come back home and settle down.
If nothing else, a change will make you thankful for your hometown and old way of life.
Good luck.

[sanrene]

Should I move? Living in a house in a smaller town has its perks but sometimes I wonder what it would be like to live in an apartment in a vibrant city with a lot of social activities and plenty of other singles that don't have kids. People tell me that I'm lucky to have a job and shouldn't make any moves until the economy improves. But what if it takes 3 or 4 years for the economy to improve? I'll be almost 35 years old!

Is there a larger town or city you could move to that would still be reasonably close to your job?

Have you considered putting your resume out there to see if you get any bites?

[dude2136]

Originally Posted by jeninmt

Haven't been there myself, but have friends that have.
If you can find a good job somewhere far away, I would give it a try.
If you own your house, rent it out for a year or two instead of selling, that way you can always come back.
A friend of mine joined something like the Peace Corps for two years and traveled.
It was enough for her to want to come back home and settle down.
If nothing else, a change will make you thankful for your hometown and old way of life.
Good luck.

How old was your friend when she did her traveling?

[dude2136]

Originally Posted by sanrene

Is there a larger town or city you could move to that would still be reasonably close to your job?

Have you considered putting your resume out there to see if you get any bites?

Yes there is a big city near work...but the cost of living is higher. I can swing it but there wouldn't be much to save for retirement. Another option is a suburb about 25 minutes from work but it would still be 40 minutes from the city. Haven't put the resume out there yet. Maybe I will do that just to see what comes up.

[sanrene]

Do you travel to the larger city to enjoy the nightlife - or do you have a nightlife?

Sounds like your home takes a large portion of your time.

Maybe consider joining some adult groups? Any hobbies or sports interests?

It just sounds like you are isolated.

[Woof Woof Woof!]

You may want to watch the "Last Lecture" by Randy Pausch, which he gave before dying. He also did some TV interviews and wrote a book. I think he delivers a powerful message about living life to its fullest. In order to grab life by the cajones, you need to come to grips with death and dying. It's a quick trip and we only go around once, so what are you waiting for?

W.

[20yrsinBranson]

Originally Posted by dude2136

I'm 30 and single. Spent most of my 20s working long hours in various jobs while most others were having fun....went to school and worked at the same time for most of that time. I built up a career but have not had much fun up to this point in terms of social activities, having fun with friends, and dating.

- currently work as a computer programmer in a high-stress sharktank environment. I'm either sitting behind a computer or dealing with politics so there isn't much meaningful social interaction.

- live in an smallish town where it is difficult to meet single women (most have kids or divorced or obese)

- live near dysfunctional family members (and divorced parents) and keep getting stuck in the middle of their drama

- spend half my Saturdays cutting grass and doing yardwork. Others are traveling, going to concerts, ballgames, etc. Half the time I don't have the energy to do anything due to the job and commute.

- nearly 60 hours a week is tied up in work and the commute

Sometimes I think about hitting the reboot button and starting over. Or else making some serious changes...

Should I move? Living in a house in a smaller town has its perks but sometimes I wonder what it would be like to live in an apartment in a vibrant city with a lot of social activities and plenty of other singles that don't have kids. People tell me that I'm lucky to have a job and shouldn't make any moves until the economy improves. But what if it takes 3 or 4 years for the economy to improve? I'll be almost 35 years old!

Should I find a new gig or career? Outside of work, I don't have much interest in programming anymore (they invent new programming languages every week for no good reason, every employer wants you to know 35 of them, you spend a lot of your time learning each new pointless language that does the same **** that a dozen older ones do, etc.).

I love my family but constantly being dragged down by their negative BS. Parents divorced not too long ago and I'm still dealing with the fallout from that.

Has anyone been in a similar rut? What did you do about it?

If you have debts, pay them off as soon as possible and do not incur more. Buy the book "48 days to the work you love" by Dan Miller. Sell everything you own and move someplace exciting and start your life over. Do not necessarily opt for a big city. They are not all they are cracked up to be. Pick a medium sized city (250,000 - 350,000) and HAVE SOME FUN for chrissakes. Money isn't everything. In fact, it isn't anything at all. Just ask Michael Jackson.

20yrsinBranson

[dude2136]

Originally Posted by sanrene

Do you travel to the larger city to enjoy the nightlife - or do you have a nightlife?

Sounds like your home takes a large portion of your time.

Maybe consider joining some adult groups? Any hobbies or sports interests?

It just sounds like you are isolated.

Don't really have much of a nightlife. I used to go to my cousin's bar occasionally but he got rid of it. There weren't many people there my age anyway. I don't really travel to the larger city much. By the time I get home from work on Friday (after nearly an hour drive), I'd have to get dressed up and drive another hour to go anywhere decent. It's not like I can wear the same stuff that I wear to work.

There's a sand volleyball league at a local sports facility about 20 minutes away. I recently learned that they have open volleyball one night a week. So maybe that is a possibility... Everything else requires a lot of extra driving.
There is a martial arts school in a town about 30 minutes from work but that's an extra 30-40 minutes on the road on top of what I already drive. Another sport that looks appealing is a kickball league but that's in a large city during the week and would require AT LEAST an extra hour of driving.

I do have family nearby so I'm not isolated but not much of an active social life.

[dude2136]

Originally Posted by 20yrsinBranson

If you have debts, pay them off as soon as possible and do not incur more. Buy the book "48 days to the work you love" by Dan Miller. Sell everything you own and move someplace exciting and start your life over. Do not necessarily opt for a big city. They are not all they are cracked up to be. Pick a medium sized city (250,000 - 350,000) and HAVE SOME FUN for chrissakes. Money isn't everything. In fact, it isn't anything at all. Just ask Michael Jackson.

20yrsinBranson

Do you have any suggestions for cities in the midwest?