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Flat out dump this a**hole. He is a loser and yes he is emotionally abusing you. He has tons of issues and is projecting them onto you.
Get rid of him. He is very toxic. If you stay with him any longer, it reflects how you feel about yourself...not worthy of being treated with respect. Your issues are only going to get deeper and more complicated by staying with him.
There isn't anything you need to consider about staying in this relationship. WHEN you dump him, take some time to be alone and learn from this situation before going on to the next guy because it would be sad to see you choose someone else who reflects how you felt about yourself currently. I think if you had high self-esteem to begin with, any initial sign of his lowly behavior would have made you run for the hills right away and you would not be questioning whether not his obviously emotional abuse is actually intended abuse.
Hi i'm new. My boyfriend and I are 21, and we've been together for 1 year. He means alot to me but I really can't shake this feeling that he's trying to hurt me emotionally.
Before we met, I had a very good self esteem and confidence. I didn't stress over my appearance or my body, I was happy in my own skin and never felt overly jealous of anyone. But now... I'm obsessive about how I look, I have low confidence and my self esteem is suffering. I don't feel good enough, thin enough or pretty enough. I compare myself to other women and feel depressed and jealous of them.
I've been blind to what was causing this but recently I started thinking about it and questioned whether my boyfriend's actions might be helping to worsen it or even contribute to my issues... But I can't tell if it's just me being paranoid so this is why I'm here, to ask the advice of others.
These are some of the things that my boyfriend has done that have got me thinking...
1- When we were out last month, we saw a woman walk in front of us. She had long blond hair. My boyfriend commented on her hair and I agreed that it was pretty. He then said "I think you should dye your hair her color"... (My hair is black) and I just ignored it and carried on walking. Is it me or was it like him telling me that I need to change or that I'm not good enough as i am? Why would he tell me that?
2- Every time we're out, he will stare at pretty women. But not just stare, he will turn his head and watch them until their out of sight. He will make comments to me about them too. One comment was "Man, What I'd do to her...."
3- He tells me plenty of women want him. I've never seen any evidence of this but he tells me that I'm lucky, because he chose me out of all of them..
4- He teases me about the size of my (small) breasts then has posters of large breasted women plastered all over his walls. I hate going to his house because it makes me feel inferior.
5- He's always trying to change me, what i wear, my makeup, my hair color etc
These are just a selection of things. I just feel not good enough anymore, i look in the mirror and i see an ugly, small breasted, boring person, i'm nothing like the blonde, fun, large breasted women he likes....
Is he trying to directly hurt you? No, he's probably just a dumbass though.
I'm going to tell you just like I tell everyone else. People will treat you the way you demand to be treated. Let a guy (or girl) walk all over you like this and they'll do it and just push the boundaries more. By your own admission you just let him do these things, so why are you surprised it keeps getting worse?
You're not going to want to hear this, but you need to have some backbone and drop this guy like a bad habit the very next time you see him. Don't be nice about it either. When he asks why you're leaving him, tell him it's because he's a douchebag and you're tired of putting up with his ****.
You'll feel better in the end and it'll open the door to finding someone you truly want.
[quote=crossing over;9614265]he does like you, that's why he stays with you. He doesn't like himself much, though, so that is why he tries to compensate that with DECLARATIONS of how hot and likeable he is.
When a person can not come to terms with their own (confidence) issues, they tend to project things on others, and SO come in handy for that. You are just the recipient of his own frustrations, and in the process of putting up with that you'll end up being your miserable self, instead of your shiny self.
You know someone is good for you when you feel like a better person when by their side. You're getting the opposite here.[/quote]
Great way of explaining this guy's projection issues. I very much agree with this.
This is why he is purely toxic. Someone like him needs to get some therapy or figure out his own issues ALONE.
I think if you had high self-esteem to begin with, any initial sign of his lowly behavior would have made you run for the hills right away and you would not be questioning whether not his obviously emotional abuse is actually intended abuse.
I agree with most of what you said, but I don't think the fact that she has stayed means she has low self-esteem. It can be hard, especially at that age, to navigate between accepting a person wholeheartedly (which in itself takes high self-esteem, which that a**pincher does not have) and setting proper boundaries. I think it takes some time to feel out what feels right.
Been there... wondering if I was too sensitive or if a guy was really a jerk. But ultimately you just have to know that if someone makes you feel bad, and yanks your feelings around, as the op said, he's poisonous.
Please end things. You can always get back together at a later time if he impresses you. My 22 year old daughter was in a relationship like this for over 3 years and finally got up the nerve to break up with the guy. He wasn't a horrible person, he just wasn't right for her and it showed. She became emotional, angry, moody, and it effected her health and beauty. Now she is dating a guy who is a good fit, and everyone who knows her can see the difference it has made just by looking at her.
I'm so relieved to hear your replies, I felt like it was just me being paranoid or insecure. I never used to be worried about breast size until he started teasing about it then flaunting posters of big busted topless women all over his walls.
Another thing is, when I start to act fed up and he notices it, he will suddenly start treating me like a queen again, and when I start to feel happier about us, he takes it away from me like that and starts being cruel to me again. I don't know where i stand half the time, one minute he makes me feel on top of the world then the next he makes me feel like the ugly girlfriend who he's stuck with.
When men look at me, he does it all the more. He tells me stories of women who have flirted with him the night before or something.
I'm almost certain that he wouldn't have a chance with the women he stares at and makes comments about. They either don't notice him or just give him evil looks.
In the nicest way possible, you're the pass of least resistance of a "warm wet hole" until he finds someone else...Read what I wrote earlier...
Hi i'm new. My boyfriend and I are 21, and we've been together for 1 year. He means alot to me but I really can't shake this feeling that he's trying to hurt me emotionally.
Before we met, I had a very good self esteem and confidence. I didn't stress over my appearance or my body, I was happy in my own skin and never felt overly jealous of anyone. But now... I'm obsessive about how I look, I have low confidence and my self esteem is suffering. I don't feel good enough, thin enough or pretty enough. I compare myself to other women and feel depressed and jealous of them.
I've been blind to what was causing this but recently I started thinking about it and questioned whether my boyfriend's actions might be helping to worsen it or even contribute to my issues... But I can't tell if it's just me being paranoid so this is why I'm here, to ask the advice of others.
These are some of the things that my boyfriend has done that have got me thinking...
1- When we were out last month, we saw a woman walk in front of us. She had long blond hair. My boyfriend commented on her hair and I agreed that it was pretty. He then said "I think you should dye your hair her color"... (My hair is black) and I just ignored it and carried on walking. Is it me or was it like him telling me that I need to change or that I'm not good enough as i am? Why would he tell me that?
2- Every time we're out, he will stare at pretty women. But not just stare, he will turn his head and watch them until their out of sight. He will make comments to me about them too. One comment was "Man, What I'd do to her...."
3- He tells me plenty of women want him. I've never seen any evidence of this but he tells me that I'm lucky, because he chose me out of all of them..
4- He teases me about the size of my (small) breasts then has posters of large breasted women plastered all over his walls. I hate going to his house because it makes me feel inferior.
5- He's always trying to change me, what i wear, my makeup, my hair color etc
These are just a selection of things. I just feel not good enough anymore, i look in the mirror and i see an ugly, small breasted, boring person, i'm nothing like the blonde, fun, large breasted women he likes....
You need to dump this young child.
1) He probably wouldn't stand a ghost of a chance with Blondie. He is very young and immature.
2) He likely wouldn't know what to do with one of these ladies if he caught her. He is young and immature and a jackass to boot.
3) You can just as easily choose NOT to be with this moron. He is young, immature, a jackass, and you should dump his ass post haste!
4) Yep. A real man, alright. Posters of naked women. Are you sure he's 21 and not 14 or 15??? He is young, immature, a jackass, and a moron.
5) Yes you should change. Change boyfriends, that is. He is a young child who obviously has not formed the brain cells to even remotely appreciate a good relationship with a nice young lady. Get rid of him and don't allow him to bring you down to his level any longer. Do not allow this wimpy child to steal your joy!
I'm just echoing others' replies here, but it can't be said too many times:
He is manipulative, controlling, and emotionally abusive.
Dump him.
DUMP HIM.
DUMP HIM!
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One comment was "Man, What I'd do to her...." 
. -mmccul
Posters of naked women. Are you sure he's 21 and not 14 or 15??? He is young, immature, a jackass, and a moron.
