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Old 07-05-2009, 04:55 PM
 
2 posts, read 6,344 times
Reputation: 11

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Hi i'm new. My boyfriend and I are 21, and we've been together for 1 year. He means alot to me but I really can't shake this feeling that he's trying to hurt me emotionally.

Before we met, I had a very good self esteem and confidence. I didn't stress over my appearance or my body, I was happy in my own skin and never felt overly jealous of anyone. But now... I'm obsessive about how I look, I have low confidence and my self esteem is suffering. I don't feel good enough, thin enough or pretty enough. I compare myself to other women and feel depressed and jealous of them.

I've been blind to what was causing this but recently I started thinking about it and questioned whether my boyfriend's actions might be helping to worsen it or even contribute to my issues... But I can't tell if it's just me being paranoid so this is why I'm here, to ask the advice of others.

These are some of the things that my boyfriend has done that have got me thinking...

1- When we were out last month, we saw a woman walk in front of us. She had long blond hair. My boyfriend commented on her hair and I agreed that it was pretty. He then said "I think you should dye your hair her color"... (My hair is black) and I just ignored it and carried on walking. Is it me or was it like him telling me that I need to change or that I'm not good enough as i am? Why would he tell me that?

2- Every time we're out, he will stare at pretty women. But not just stare, he will turn his head and watch them until their out of sight. He will make comments to me about them too. One comment was "Man, What I'd do to her...."

3- He tells me plenty of women want him. I've never seen any evidence of this but he tells me that I'm lucky, because he chose me out of all of them..

4- He teases me about the size of my (small) breasts then has posters of large breasted women plastered all over his walls. I hate going to his house because it makes me feel inferior.

5- He's always trying to change me, what i wear, my makeup, my hair color etc

These are just a selection of things. I just feel not good enough anymore, i look in the mirror and i see an ugly, small breasted, boring person, i'm nothing like the blonde, fun, large breasted women he likes....
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Old 07-05-2009, 05:01 PM
 
Location: So Cal
25,198 posts, read 19,011,555 times
Reputation: 23680
Sounds like a dykehead.

Tell him to hit the bricks.
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Old 07-05-2009, 05:04 PM
 
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
9,510 posts, read 12,033,452 times
Reputation: 9108
Oh man, he'd be so history with me. Life was meant for livin'. That ain't livin'. There's something better right around the corner.
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Old 07-05-2009, 05:16 PM
 
18,255 posts, read 17,635,017 times
Reputation: 18283
He's not trying to hurt you - he's an @sshole.

Drop him like a hot potato and don't look back.
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Old 07-05-2009, 05:18 PM
 
Location: Vancouver, B.C., Canada
9,361 posts, read 13,064,605 times
Reputation: 4000
yup like the other posters said get rid of him people are supposed to make you feel good to be artound them not treat you like crap.
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Old 07-05-2009, 05:20 PM
 
Location: far away in Europe
109 posts, read 188,247 times
Reputation: 79
he does like you, that's why he stays with you. He doesn't like himself much, though, so that is why he tries to compensate that with DECLARATIONS of how hot and likeable he is.

When a person can not come to terms with their own (confidence) issues, they tend to project things on others, and SO come in handy for that. You are just the recipient of his own frustrations, and in the process of putting up with that you'll end up being your miserable self, instead of your shiny self.

You know someone is good for you when you feel like a better person when by their side. You're getting the opposite here.
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Old 07-05-2009, 05:21 PM
 
5,004 posts, read 5,271,994 times
Reputation: 5634
I would never stay in the company of a man who said in front of me,"Man, what I'd do to her..."

I wouldn't waste five more seconds with this guy. Don't try and teach him or train him or spend any time getting revenge. The best revenge in this case is living well without him.

Don't ruin your hair or your body or your mental and emotional health for this slimeball. Enjoy your twenties! Get out there and meet someone else who doesn't utter this crap to you. Get yourself free.
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Old 07-05-2009, 05:33 PM
 
496 posts, read 532,888 times
Reputation: 417
Yea, if he's so interested in the grass on the other side, let him go there. He sounds like a wuss and a weenie. I don't know *why* he says those things - if it is to make you insecure enough to stay with him as long as he wants or what - what I do know is that it's bothering you. That won't do. There are guys out there who would have eyes only for you.

I'm checking him out in my mind's eye..."What I'd do to him" Looks something like squish him with a fly swatter. Maybe the next time he does it, you could trot right over to the chick and tell her he likes her... see if she wants to take him with her. That jerk. I feel like he's using the fact that you care about him against you. It's just despicable.
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Old 07-05-2009, 05:33 PM
 
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
9,510 posts, read 12,033,452 times
Reputation: 9108
Like I used to tell my brothers when they were like that with their girlfriends, which was most of the time, I know why you treat her that way--you're trying to convince her no one would want her but you b'c you want to be with her--but you should want someone to be with you b'c it feels good being with you, otherwise, they'll move on to the first guy who will treat her right. You make women miserable. Yeah, you have a lot of girl friends but they come and go, mostly go. Did they listen to me? LOL What do you think? Move on and count your blessings you got out in time.
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Old 07-05-2009, 05:41 PM
 
Location: So Cal
25,198 posts, read 19,011,555 times
Reputation: 23680
Ladies, do you really get all insecure about breast size?? Most boobs come in variety of sizes. Most guys I know don't seem to like them that big.

I think the ladies out there need to relax on the boob thing, it's not that big of a deal to most men.
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