Interesting: communication 180 flip (how to, guys, kid, advice)

[blazejen]

I've posted about this relationship I'm in a few times before. I live with my bf/pseudo-fiance and we have lived together for 2 years. We've had issues, for sure, and we have tried to break up numerous times, but every time we talk through it. He has always talked and talked and talked ad nauseum. Until about 1 month ago, he was extremely sensitive (more so than me - and I am dam* sensitive!) and always addressed my feelings if I told him about them. He said he felt that whenever we have an issue we should tell each other about it.

Fast forward to last 3 times I've shared an issue. In the past month, he has just said "hmph." and ignored it. Very weird. Mainly a weird contrast. So strange I wonder if he talked to one of his hyper-masculine friends about how to end arguments in a relationship and was given the advice, "Say nothing."

Example1:
Me: "It's really bothering me that you play WoW all evening and all weekend. We used to do things together outside, etc. And now that game seems to have become what I ussed to be to you. I think I'm getting jealous..."
Him: "Hmph." *returns to playing his game*

Ex2:
Me: "It really bothers me that you encourgaed your mother in disparaging my educational endeavour."
Him: "Hmph. What am I supposed to say? I agree with her."

Ex3: (last Friday when he started to talk to me while he was playing Wow and I was talking to him about something and realized he wasn't responding and I said, "Mike?" and he snapped at me and said "WHAT!")
Him (30 mins later): "What's wrong?"
Me: "I'm still a little annoyed that you snapped at me. I feel that you were treating me like that kid next door that gets on your nerves."
Him: "You were acting like him."
Me: "Well, I don't think there's any reason to snap at me."
Him: *storms off and downstairs*

Me: *30 minutes later* "Why do you keep ignoring me when I tell you how I feel about something? Why can't you just apologize for snapping and tell me you'll try not to do it anymore?"
Him: "What I'm supposed to chase you around the house begging for your forgiveness?"

Anyway, I don't know what's up. Maybe he just feels that eventually I'll break up with him and leave...

It's just strange - because he has *always* in the 2.5 years we've been together, been The Communicator. It hasn't always been constructive - in fact he's lousy and always pulls out these absurd absolutes (e.g., "You always _____" when I don't) but he's always been willing to talk.

Now he just plays the stupid game night and day every moment when he's not working. And doing anything else is a huge inconvenience because it will interfere with his WoW time. Just weird.

[rubber_factory]

What you're saying is probably going in one ear and straight out the other. He's addicted to WoW, you're interrupting his escape into video games, and he's getting cranky.

[sayulita]

Originally Posted by rubber_factory

What you're saying is probably going in one ear and straight out the other. He's addicted to WoW, you're interrupting his escape into video games, and he's getting cranky.

Yup. He's addicted. Break up with him and leave. There is no future with him. I know it's hard to hear, but I think you already know it.

[ttz]

Yep there is no reasoning with an addict. They have to want to stop on their own, you cannot make him do it! (Have we heard this before?) Leave him be.

But in regards to the relationship, sounds like he just doesn't care anymore and he is just trying to make himself happy. The relationship is at it's near end. You guys need to go talk to someone to see if you can fix it, otherwise it's going to end and soon....

[blazejen]

Originally Posted by ttz

But in regards to the relationship, sounds like he just doesn't care anymore and he is just trying to make himself happy. The relationship is at it's near end. You guys need to go talk to someone to see if you can fix it, otherwise it's going to end and soon....

Yea - I think you hit it there. He's been addicted to this game for months - the quitting communication has been in the last month or so. It must be a combination of the two... not caring and his little escapism.

I have pretty much realized that I'm going to have to leave. The thing is I can't tell him until I've actually lined everything out (place to move etc). It seems like every time we have tried to break up in the past, all of a sudden we're important to each other again. It's also unbearable living together under those circumstances. So, dishonest though I feel I am being, I'm just not going to talk about it until I'm on my way out. I don't mind being uncomfortable but my 18yo sister lives with me and she's extremely sensitive to tension, so I'm just going to have to acquiesce until I'm all boxed up and out!

[whatever you want]

Originally Posted by ttz

Yep there is no reasoning with an addict. They have to want to stop on their own, you cannot make him do it! (Have we heard this before?) Leave him be.

But in regards to the relationship, sounds like he just doesn't care anymore and he is just trying to make himself happy. The relationship is at it's near end. You guys need to go talk to someone to see if you can fix it, otherwise it's going to end and soon....

good post

[sayulita]

Good for you. You will be so much happier without this tension and stress. Be proud of yourself for making a hard decision.

[Augustabuckeye]

OP - Can you pull the plug on WoW? Disconnect the internet? Forget to pay the bill??? There may be other issues, but you need to find a way to wean him off WoW...

Good luck...

[PassTheChocolate]

I think the others are right. Looks like he has stopped caring.

[rubber_factory]

Originally Posted by PassTheChocolate

I think the others are right. Looks like he has stopped caring.

I agree.

It seems to me that the real issue here, is whether the O.P. wants to try and help him manage his problem, or if she should cut her losses and leave.

The word "addiction" conjures up some bad imagery, I'm sure, but I trust that the O.P. has sense enough to tell the difference between a video game addiction and a substance abuse addiction.