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Old 07-06-2009, 11:22 AM
 
Location: Sugarland
12,948 posts, read 11,412,835 times
Reputation: 14661

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Quote:
Originally Posted by cpg35223 View Post
It's just cowardice, no matter how much rationalization one gives. Grownups deliver such news in person or, if geographically impractical, by telephone.
If it were a situation where I genuinely thought he'd be hurt, then yes, I would agree that it would be better to do it in person. But I don't feel like I'll be delivering any bad news to him. I'm the only one who's going to be hurt by this.

Quote:
Originally Posted by JeepGirl118 View Post
Why the drama and extremes? Just woman-up and end it the way it started. . face to face. And sorry, but you want to break up with a man. . men do not NEED elaborate, squabbling, wordy presentations to be rejected.
Actually, we met online, so that's the way it started in the first place. I know he doesn't need any elaborate explanation, but I need to clearly tell him exactly why I feel the relationship should end for my own closure.
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Old 07-06-2009, 11:25 AM
 
Location: Chicagoland
41,314 posts, read 38,064,793 times
Reputation: 7103
Buck up, pull up those big girl panties and do it face to face - it is cowardly to do it through email.
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Old 07-06-2009, 11:27 AM
 
28,906 posts, read 44,662,244 times
Reputation: 45743
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sweet Like Sugar View Post
If it were a situation where I genuinely thought he'd be hurt, then yes, I would agree that it would be better to do it in person. But I don't feel like I'll be delivering any bad news to him. I'm the only one who's going to be hurt by this.
I'm sorry. That's just lame rationalization, for pain avoidance is not a legitimate excuse. Respect yourself and do it in person. For the mark of a grown-up is the ability to do the right thing despite temporary discomfort.

All you have to do is say, "Joe, we've been seeing each other a year, but I don't think it's working anymore. You are not investing in the relationship the way I am, and I'm not interested in being involved with anyone who does not love me. I've really enjoyed our time together, but I just don't see any future in it."

Then you leave. It's really not that hard.
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Old 07-06-2009, 11:30 AM
 
Location: Florida
7,269 posts, read 9,127,051 times
Reputation: 6013
Quote:
Originally Posted by Woof Woof Woof! View Post
I don't see a problem breaking up via email. You're under no obligation. Sometimes it's easier to communicate in writing when you have time to think. Just be upfront, honest, and respectful, and maybe you can tell him that if he needs to talk on the phone, he is welcome to call you.

The most important thing is that you tell the other person what is going on.

W.
Just be upfront, honest and respectful? Respect is treating another considerately as you would want to be treated. Upfront means to pull up the panties and face it head on. That's living *honestly.* She went into it as an adult - she can walk out as an adult. If she is decent - she will keep the meeting brief to break it off - open the door. . say, "I do not want to be in this relationship anymore, I'm sorry" - and shut the door. At least that is facing the situation and not hiding. I doubt in 10 words - since it's not some hot and heavy love affair - that she will have some sort of chaotic meltdown.

Even my 18 year old son knows better than to do this - and he has not and won't when breaking it off with a girl. It's bad ju-ju.
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Old 07-06-2009, 11:30 AM
 
496 posts, read 795,409 times
Reputation: 418
I think you need to do what is right for you, given the circumstances.

You can write a long email explaining everything and send it. I don't think there's anything wrong with making sure you articulate yourself without regrets. In lieu of that, you could always write him a letter, stick it in an envelope, drop by to meet him, and hand him the letter and tell him if he wants to talk, you'd be happy to, but that you felt that your feelings would come across better in writing.

I don't think it's cowardly at all. Writing can be much more constructive than a dialogue for the reasons you already mentioned.
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Old 07-06-2009, 11:35 AM
 
22,770 posts, read 24,817,054 times
Reputation: 14504
Quote:
Originally Posted by JeepGirl118 View Post
Why the drama and extremes?
I just asked a simple question.

Quote:
Just woman-up and end it the way it started. . face to face. And sorry, but you want to break up with a man. . men do not NEED elaborate, squabbling, wordy presentations to be rejected.
OK. I'll try to "woman-up" the next time I break up with a man.
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Old 07-06-2009, 11:37 AM
 
Location: Florida
7,269 posts, read 9,127,051 times
Reputation: 6013
Quote:
Originally Posted by rubber_factory View Post
I just asked a simple question.



OK. I'll try to "woman-up" the next time I break up with a man.
If it was a simple question - then you would have the simple answer, correct? If you do not woman-up now - you seldom ever will. This is your life. . . you are the one who creates yourself.
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Old 07-06-2009, 11:37 AM
 
Location: downtown Sarasota
4,591 posts, read 11,942,383 times
Reputation: 1928
Quote:
Originally Posted by cpg35223 View Post
I'm sorry. That's just lame rationalization, for pain avoidance is not a legitimate excuse. Respect yourself and do it in person. For the mark of a grown-up is the ability to do the right thing despite temporary discomfort.

All you have to do is say, "Joe, we've been seeing each other a year, but I don't think it's working anymore. You are not investing in the relationship the way I am, and I'm not interested in being involved with anyone who does not love me. I've really enjoyed our time together, but I just don't see any future in it."

Then you leave. It's really not that hard.
I believe that you go face to face.

I just broke up with my boyfriend yesterday. We both knew things were not right...due to his age (25) and mine (47), and the reality of the future in regards to his wanting to have a family eventually with someone his own age....I just felt would not be a good idea to continue the relationship.


We sat down face to face. It was not an easy thing to do. He was very angry at first. Then he was very sad. I do feel he loves me very much & I feel the same for him but...I need to let him move on.

We were together since May of 2008.

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Old 07-06-2009, 11:39 AM
 
28,906 posts, read 44,662,244 times
Reputation: 45743
Quote:
Originally Posted by blazejen View Post
I think you need to do what is right for you, given the circumstances.

You can write a long email explaining everything and send it. I don't think there's anything wrong with making sure you articulate yourself without regrets. In lieu of that, you could always write him a letter, stick it in an envelope, drop by to meet him, and hand him the letter and tell him if he wants to talk, you'd be happy to, but that you felt that your feelings would come across better in writing.

I don't think it's cowardly at all. Writing can be much more constructive than a dialogue for the reasons you already mentioned.
See, I think the phrase "do what is right for you" is where the mischief lies. You know, if you value other people, there are just standards of conduct you follow. If you've dated someone long enough to sleep with them, exchange presents, and be the main person in his or her life, that person deserves a face-to-face explanation of why it will no longer be the case.

The other thing I really don't agree with is the term "dialogue" which really opens up the door to all kinds of misery for the person who has been jilted. Because then, what you're really doing is inviting days, weeks, and months of phone calls and pleas to take him back. That does neither party good.

Nope. I stand by my original advice. Make it swift. Make it decisive. And make it in person.
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Old 07-06-2009, 11:40 AM
 
Location: Coachella Valley, California
15,519 posts, read 35,325,103 times
Reputation: 13092
I may just have the perfect solution to your dilemma. You say you are better at gathering your thoughts and writing them down, as opposed to thinking on your feet in a face to face situation. How about if you write it all down. Take the time you need to gather your thoughts and say everything you need to say. Proofread it to make sure everything's in there. Then, meet him face to face and tell him you have something you want to say to him. Read him what you've written. After you've read it, there will probably be some discussion between you both. You will get to say everything you wanted to say, and it will be in person, face to face.
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