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Old 07-06-2009, 12:41 PM
 
Location: The Hall of Justice
25,907 posts, read 35,027,121 times
Reputation: 42372

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sweet Like Sugar View Post
I know he doesn't need any elaborate explanation, but I need to clearly tell him exactly why I feel the relationship should end for my own closure.
I agree with JeepGirl, CPG and others who said the same thing. I think breaking up should be done in person.

This last line from you concerns me. It sounds like you want to unload on him, but it also sounds like you feel he won't care that much. I'm not sure it's going to give you the closure you're hoping for. Many people want someone to recognize they feel injured or wronged, or they want the person to apologize or act contrite, or they want assurances that the person has learned something and won't do it again. That often doesn't happen, and instead of a satisfying end where everybody parts as friends, things do not go well. You might consider keeping it brief and pleasant.
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Old 07-06-2009, 12:42 PM
 
Location: Bradenton, Florida
27,236 posts, read 40,310,013 times
Reputation: 10915
You know what folks? All of you who suggest doing it in person? What if he takes it badly, and attacks the OP? It is always safest to limit your risk as much as possible.
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Old 07-06-2009, 12:43 PM
 
22,770 posts, read 25,224,244 times
Reputation: 14506
Quote:
Originally Posted by JeepGirl118 View Post
If it was a simple question - then you would have the simple answer, correct?
You're the only response to my question. You gave me a non sequitur, so no, not a simple answer at all.

Quote:
If you do not woman-up now - you seldom ever will.
I've never given much thought to womaning-up. I'm a man, so I think it would feel awkward.

Last edited by le roi; 07-06-2009 at 12:54 PM..
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Old 07-06-2009, 12:43 PM
 
496 posts, read 804,830 times
Reputation: 418
I think that's a good middle ground, Twinkle Toes. She can always outline what she wants to say, have the letter with her, and if she finds it getting too rough, she can hand him the letter.

I'm not saying I think she shouldn't allow him to respond, only that it's very important to make sure she says what she wants to say, whether in writing or out loud.
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Old 07-06-2009, 12:43 PM
 
28,906 posts, read 45,263,909 times
Reputation: 45820
Quote:
Originally Posted by TKramar View Post
You know what folks? All of you who suggest doing it in person? What if he takes it badly, and attacks the OP? It is always safest to limit your risk as much as possible.
Oh, please. Did she say he was a violent lunatic? Nope. Just do it in a restaurant where others are around.
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Old 07-06-2009, 12:44 PM
 
Location: Florida
7,269 posts, read 9,215,139 times
Reputation: 6013
Quote:
Originally Posted by cpg35223 View Post
See, I think the phrase "do what is right for you" is where the mischief lies. You know, if you value other people, there are just standards of conduct you follow. If you've dated someone long enough to sleep with them, exchange presents, and be the main person in his or her life, that person deserves a face-to-face explanation of why it will no longer be the case.

The other thing I really don't agree with is the term "dialogue" which really opens up the door to all kinds of misery for the person who has been jilted. Because then, what you're really doing is inviting days, weeks, and months of phone calls and pleas to take him back. That does neither party good.

Nope. I stand by my original advice. Make it swift. Make it decisive. And make it in person.
She said all she needed to right here:
"I don't think he'll be that upset because as I've said, I know he's not in love with me, but I feel like it's a waste of time to meet up just to break up."

Have people skipped over this part?

It's about saving her precious time. Yet, she has enough time to post *about* it on CD. More than the time it would take in person.
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Old 07-06-2009, 12:49 PM
 
Location: Bradenton, Florida
27,236 posts, read 40,310,013 times
Reputation: 10915
Quote:
Originally Posted by cpg35223 View Post
Oh, please. Did she say he was a violent lunatic? Nope. Just do it in a restaurant where others are around.
She doesn't live with him...so there's no way for her to know. He might be.
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Old 07-06-2009, 12:51 PM
 
Location: Florida
7,269 posts, read 9,215,139 times
Reputation: 6013
Quote:
Originally Posted by TKramar View Post
She doesn't live with him...so there's no way for her to know. He might be.
LOL - are you serious. . . now it's going to try to be justified that the guy might split in half and be driven to lunacy?

She already said he is not in love with her. . .think, think.

You watch too many movies.
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Old 07-06-2009, 12:54 PM
 
Location: Back in the gym...Yo Adrian!
9,371 posts, read 17,510,168 times
Reputation: 18347
There is no easy way to break off a relationship. Someone will get hurt. Doing it via email is the cowards way out. It's the cyber equivalent to a Dear John letter. A very one sided and cold way to breaking it off. We've become a very detached society, we depend too much on technology that we forget how to have face to face conversations. Folks don't look one another in the eye anymore and they are flippant and dismissive when they don't instant gratification. In an age of cell phones, ipods, PSP's and Blackberries, we've forgotten our manners and how to conduct ourselves with dignity. Take the high road and break it off with this guy like an adult, not some 14 year old.
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Old 07-06-2009, 12:57 PM
 
Location: Sugarland
13,241 posts, read 11,793,397 times
Reputation: 15277
Quote:
Originally Posted by JeepGirl118 View Post
She said all she needed to right here:
"I don't think he'll be that upset because as I've said, I know he's not in love with me, but I feel like it's a waste of time to meet up just to break up."

Have people skipped over this part?

It's about saving her precious time. Yet, she has enough time to post *about* it on CD. More than the time it would take in person.
Actually, it's about saving HIS time (and gas) as he'd be the one driving out to see me. But thanks for making me out to be the villain anyways.

I like the suggestion about writing it out and taking the note with me, but still discussing it in person. I was just hoping to avoid having snot running down my nose and all that. It's hard to feel "grownup" when that happens. But I've cried in front of him several times before, so it's nothing he hasn't seen before. He's not really an emotional guy himself, so I just thought it'd be easier for us both if he didn't have to deal with all that.

But fine, I'll do it in person.
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