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Old 07-06-2009, 01:24 PM
 
Location: Bradenton, Florida
27,237 posts, read 27,223,311 times
Reputation: 10607

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No, it's just that I should have moved and changed jobs before breaking up with her. That's all.

Didn't help that she cheated on me--that's why I broke it off, because she broke up with me without even telling me. I had to hear about it from another source.
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Old 07-06-2009, 01:34 PM
 
Location: Sugarland
5,503 posts, read 3,734,698 times
Reputation: 4433
Quote:
Originally Posted by TKramar View Post
You know what folks? All of you who suggest doing it in person? What if he takes it badly, and attacks the OP? It is always safest to limit your risk as much as possible.
I agree with being cautious, but I'm really not worried about him causing drama or being violent. We've had break up discussions in the past, and he's been very calm and consoling, and told me that he wanted to stay together, but those discussions were more along the lines of me asking him if he wanted to break up. I don't think he'd put up much protest if he felt that I was firmly telling him that I wanted to break up instead of presenting it as an option. Also, I don't mean to make it seem like he doesn't give a crap about me. I know he does care, but it's just not in the same way that I care about him.
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Old 07-06-2009, 01:41 PM
 
Location: Florida
7,250 posts, read 6,705,744 times
Reputation: 5927
Quote:
Originally Posted by TKramar View Post
No, it's just that I should have moved and changed jobs before breaking up with her. That's all.

Didn't help that she cheated on me--that's why I broke it off, because she broke up with me without even telling me. I had to hear about it from another source.
Sorry that happened - most have a deception/cheating story in one way or another. It bites - but you cannot live your life comparing apples to oranges - or having other people walk in shadows of the ghosts in the past. Not every situation turns out script-worthy of a Lifetime movie. There's an old saying that I have said in here before, "if you keep one foot on yesterday and one foot on tomorrow, you will p*ss all over today."
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Old 07-06-2009, 01:43 PM
 
Location: Bradenton, Florida
27,237 posts, read 27,223,311 times
Reputation: 10607
I didn't see a reason for it to turn into drama personally. For some reason, she felt otherwise. I wish the OP luck in whatever she chooses to do about it.
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Old 07-06-2009, 01:52 PM
 
Location: Florida
7,250 posts, read 6,705,744 times
Reputation: 5927
Quote:
Originally Posted by TKramar View Post
I didn't see a reason for it to turn into drama personally. For some reason, she felt otherwise. I wish the OP luck in whatever she chooses to do about it.
Facing situations head-on and putting out fires is not causing drama.

Some people do not grasp simple concepts because their baggage spooks them and that is OK by me!
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Old 07-06-2009, 01:52 PM
 
Location: Connecticut
1,461 posts, read 2,876,060 times
Reputation: 1591
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sweet Like Sugar View Post
I've decided that I need to end my one-year relationship with my boyfriend. I am breaking up with him because although I care about him very much, I feel like my feelings aren't returned and he's just biding his time with me until something better comes along. I am tired of feeling this way, so I don't see the point in continuing the relationship.In the past, I've broken up with people via e-mail and over the phone, but those were shorter relationships and I did not have strong feelings for those people. I know that it is usually advisable for break ups to be done in person, but I am a highly emotional person and I'll end up crying and won't be able to say what I really want to say. I wouldn't want him to come see me thinking that we're going out to have a fun time and I'm really just planning to break up with him. I don't think he'll be that upset because as I've said, I know he's not in love with me, but I feel like it's a waste of time to meet up just to break up. I don't want to do it over the phone because I'll cry and won't be able to talk. Writing is the only way that I can present my thoughts calmly and not come off as an emotional wreck.Although he doesn't love me, he's a good guy and hasn't been a complete jerk to me, so I do care about his feelings. Would an e-mail break up be inappropriate in this case? Would it be better if I mailed him a letter? What do you guys think?
As much as you do not want to break up with your boyfriend in person, I think it probably is a better idea to meet him someplace neutral and somewhat public so you can talk to him about how you are feeling. Sounds like you are trying to justify NOT seeing him face to face to break up because you are afraid you will fall apart. If he is not in love with you then I wouldn't be overly concerned that you are going to devastate him by breaking up with him. He may feel the same way as you do and you may be able to break up on equal ground.

Tell him that he has been a great guy and a good friend but that is about as far as you can see this relationship going and that you are truly looking for someone who can commit to you. Sounds to me like he will "get it".

One last bit of advice...never put anything in writing that may come back to bite you in the butt. All this stuff being done online now is there for the duration..never goes away. If you are going to do this, do it in person so you do not create a paper trail that can come back and get you.

Good luck with this and think seriously about taking care of this bit of business personally and not online or through snail mail.
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Old 07-06-2009, 02:26 PM
 
16,623 posts, read 14,404,575 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JeepGirl118 View Post
Same thing for men - to "man-up."


Nevermind!
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Old 07-06-2009, 02:33 PM
 
Location: Sugarland
5,503 posts, read 3,734,698 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rubber_factory View Post


Nevermind!
To answer your original question, I'd much rather someone send me a breakup e-mail than to just slowly disappear.
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Old 07-06-2009, 02:35 PM
 
16,623 posts, read 14,404,575 times
Reputation: 11493
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sweet Like Sugar View Post
To answer your original question, I'd much rather someone send me a breakup e-mail than to just slowly disappear.
Thank you!

I was beginning to think the question was too difficult.
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Old 07-06-2009, 03:10 PM
 
Location: Bradenton, Florida
27,237 posts, read 27,223,311 times
Reputation: 10607
Quote:
Originally Posted by JeepGirl118 View Post
Facing situations head-on and putting out fires is not causing drama.

Some people do not grasp simple concepts because their baggage spooks them and that is OK by me!
Coming into my workplace and shouting at me...is drama.
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