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Unread 07-06-2009, 05:14 PM
 
Location: Florida
7,250 posts, read 6,049,523 times
Reputation: 5888
Quote:
Originally Posted by TKramar View Post
Yep, that's pretty passive, isn't it. Although I have profiles listed on numerous websites, I don't actively do anything about them.
Yeah. . . OK.
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Unread 07-06-2009, 05:15 PM
 
Location: The Hall of Justice
19,848 posts, read 15,871,823 times
Reputation: 27287
Quote:
Originally Posted by JeepGirl118 View Post
Is he still single, I want that man!
Alas, no. He got married last year.
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Unread 07-06-2009, 05:26 PM
 
Location: Florida
7,250 posts, read 6,049,523 times
Reputation: 5888
Quote:
Originally Posted by JustJulia View Post
Alas, no. He got married last year.

Whew - the world is at least a safer place. . . until he gives his wife that phone call.
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Unread 07-06-2009, 05:49 PM
 
Location: Sugarland
3,812 posts, read 2,431,713 times
Reputation: 3211
Quote:
Originally Posted by JustJulia View Post
Why do you think you'll start crying?
Me? Because I always cry. I'd cry while writing the e-mail, I'd cry if I was just thinking about what I would say to him. I've never had to break up with someone that I care about, so it's hard for me. I'd prefer that we just live happily ever after and not break up, but I don't think that's going to happen.
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Unread 07-06-2009, 06:10 PM
 
Location: The Hall of Justice
19,848 posts, read 15,871,823 times
Reputation: 27287
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sweet Like Sugar View Post
Me? Because I always cry. I'd cry while writing the e-mail, I'd cry if I was just thinking about what I would say to him. I've never had to break up with someone that I care about, so it's hard for me. I'd prefer that we just live happily ever after and not break up, but I don't think that's going to happen.
Well, arm yourself with tissues and waterproof mascara. Maybe the cry with feel cathartic, since you will be finally free of the shame and guilt that I think a typical person would feel. I am confused about how this guy feels about you--sometimes it seems like he loves you but you don't love him, and other times it seems like he thinks of you as his favorite restaurant and you're the one who cares. In either case, I think it would be a relief to be out of that situation.
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Unread 07-06-2009, 06:12 PM
 
Location: The Hall of Justice
19,848 posts, read 15,871,823 times
Reputation: 27287
Oops. sorry, Sweet. I had part of this thread mixed up with the one about staying with a guy to keep anyone else from dating him.
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Unread 07-06-2009, 06:20 PM
 
3 posts, read 6,913 times
Reputation: 26
Quote:
Originally Posted by cpg35223 View Post
It's just cowardice, no matter how much rationalization one gives. Grownups deliver such news in person or, if geographically impractical, by telephone.
You have to get over this whole "grown up do this, grown ups do that" thing. Different people, different circumstances, different solutions! Jst because we are told this is cowardly and therefore we must "grow up" or do what "grown ups" are meant to do, doesnt mean its the right thing for the OP.

I can see the up sides of breaking up by email from the OP's view, it gives her a chance to say clearly exactly what she wants to say where as face-to-face, she admitted she would break down and not be able to get it all out clearly.

Im not saying that its right either, im just saying different things are better for different people.

OP, why dont you write down what you want to say, call him to come over but explain on the phone breifly what this is about and when he comes over, if you do break down and get upset, keep that paper as a back up to read out to him.
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Unread 07-06-2009, 06:29 PM
 
Location: Brooklyn, New York
4,116 posts, read 1,883,520 times
Reputation: 1487
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sweet Like Sugar View Post
I've decided that I need to end my one-year relationship with my boyfriend. I am breaking up with him because although I care about him very much, I feel like my feelings aren't returned and he's just biding his time with me until something better comes along. I am tired of feeling this way, so I don't see the point in continuing the relationship.

In the past, I've broken up with people via e-mail and over the phone, but those were shorter relationships and I did not have strong feelings for those people. I know that it is usually advisable for break ups to be done in person, but I am a highly emotional person and I'll end up crying and won't be able to say what I really want to say. I wouldn't want him to come see me thinking that we're going out to have a fun time and I'm really just planning to break up with him. I don't think he'll be that upset because as I've said, I know he's not in love with me, but I feel like it's a waste of time to meet up just to break up. I don't want to do it over the phone because I'll cry and won't be able to talk. Writing is the only way that I can present my thoughts calmly and not come off as an emotional wreck.

Although he doesn't love me, he's a good guy and hasn't been a complete jerk to me, so I do care about his feelings. Would an e-mail break up be inappropriate in this case? Would it be better if I mailed him a letter? What do you guys think?
I think since it's been a year already not 1mth you know, you should tell him in person. Next time he comes around just sit him down and tell him " We need to talk, NOW before anything else" and tell him exactly how you feel. Be strong enough not to cry always keeping in the back of your mind what you told us " He does not love me, he is just with me until something better comes along". Get it off your chest and out your system in person though because in an email or letter it seems like your getting the easy way out and if it's been 1yr already you should be able to communicate with him a little bit better by now.
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Unread 07-06-2009, 06:41 PM
 
Location: Moose Jaw, in between the Moose's butt and nose.
4,370 posts, read 3,776,035 times
Reputation: 1351
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sweet Like Sugar View Post
I've already decided to go the in person route, but I don't really agree with your analogy in this case. I'm not his employer. He doesn't depend on me for a living, and he won't be financially devastated if I leave him. I would think that his disappointment in me breaking up with him would be similar to if someone told him that a nearby restaurant that he likes to frequent would be going out of business. Certainly, you can e-mail someone to tell them that. The guy isn't going to be crushed, so it's not about me wanting to avoid his reaction. If I thought that our relationship was more than a casual thing to him, I wouldn't be breaking up with him in the first place.
The analogy was used since most folks, maybe even all folks, consider the 2 most important things in their lives a job and a relationship. If one has kids, I guess that makes it 3,
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Unread 07-06-2009, 07:42 PM
 
23,493 posts, read 23,051,106 times
Reputation: 30456
Quote:
Originally Posted by katlyn09 View Post
You have to get over this whole "grown up do this, grown ups do that" thing. Different people, different circumstances, different solutions! Jst because we are told this is cowardly and therefore we must "grow up" or do what "grown ups" are meant to do, doesnt mean its the right thing for the OP.

I can see the up sides of breaking up by email from the OP's view, it gives her a chance to say clearly exactly what she wants to say where as face-to-face, she admitted she would break down and not be able to get it all out clearly.

Im not saying that its right either, im just saying different things are better for different people.

OP, why dont you write down what you want to say, call him to come over but explain on the phone breifly what this is about and when he comes over, if you do break down and get upset, keep that paper as a back up to read out to him.
Oh, I just hate situational ethics, because it really is all about what's convenient, rather than what's right. And people who adhere to it will eventually justify almost any kind of behavior. In this situation e-mailing is at best, lazy. At worst, it's completely inconsiderate of a person who has devoted a year of time to a relationship. Unless the guy has been totally uncaring or abusive, he at least deserves a face-to-face.
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