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Old 07-06-2009, 10:54 AM
 
Location: Sugarland
12,397 posts, read 10,864,078 times
Reputation: 13654

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I've decided that I need to end my one-year relationship with my boyfriend. I am breaking up with him because although I care about him very much, I feel like my feelings aren't returned and he's just biding his time with me until something better comes along. I am tired of feeling this way, so I don't see the point in continuing the relationship.

In the past, I've broken up with people via e-mail and over the phone, but those were shorter relationships and I did not have strong feelings for those people. I know that it is usually advisable for break ups to be done in person, but I am a highly emotional person and I'll end up crying and won't be able to say what I really want to say. I wouldn't want him to come see me thinking that we're going out to have a fun time and I'm really just planning to break up with him. I don't think he'll be that upset because as I've said, I know he's not in love with me, but I feel like it's a waste of time to meet up just to break up. I don't want to do it over the phone because I'll cry and won't be able to talk. Writing is the only way that I can present my thoughts calmly and not come off as an emotional wreck.

Although he doesn't love me, he's a good guy and hasn't been a complete jerk to me, so I do care about his feelings. Would an e-mail break up be inappropriate in this case? Would it be better if I mailed him a letter? What do you guys think?
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Old 07-06-2009, 10:57 AM
 
28,906 posts, read 43,879,354 times
Reputation: 45689
I think you're not much of a person if you really choose to break up with someone that way. The poor guy has just given a year of his life to you, and you don't have the basic courtesy to tell him, face-to-face, that it's not working?

Who cares if you have crying jags when delivering the bad news? He deserves to be told in person.

On a side note, how do you know he's just biding his time. Ever tried actually talking to him?
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Old 07-06-2009, 11:01 AM
 
Location: Florida
7,269 posts, read 9,019,398 times
Reputation: 6011
In my opinion, breaking up in an email/text is the lowest form possible. It's entirely selfish and inconsiderate. Talk about slapping a person across the face. Whether he is in love with you or not - give his feelings some credit just for the fact that he is a human being. Being that you are an emotional person, as you stated - you would HATE for that to be done to you. . . and you know it. Have some dignity, put your big girl pants on and face the man. Cripes.
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Old 07-06-2009, 11:04 AM
 
28,906 posts, read 43,879,354 times
Reputation: 45689
Quote:
Originally Posted by JeepGirl118 View Post
In my opinion, breaking up in an email/text is the lowest form possible. It's entirely selfish and inconsiderate. Talk about slapping a person across the face. Whether he is in love with you or not - give his feelings some credit just for the fact that he is a human being. Being that you are an emotional person, as you stated - you would HATE for that to be done to you. . . and you know it. Have some dignity, put your big girl pants on and face the man. Cripes.
Exactly. I've decided that "Grow Up" is the correct answer to about 90% of these threads.
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Old 07-06-2009, 11:06 AM
 
Location: Bradenton, Florida
27,236 posts, read 39,284,012 times
Reputation: 10884
If you live in different towns, I guess it'd be okay. But it would quite another thing if you'd been living with him. In my view, you didn't really care to be with him that much anyhow, since you've been together a whole year, and weren't living under the same roof.
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Old 07-06-2009, 11:09 AM
 
22,770 posts, read 24,238,256 times
Reputation: 14487
To add onto the original question -

which is worse: breaking up by e-mail, or slowly growing apart until one of you just disappears?
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Old 07-06-2009, 11:09 AM
 
Location: Some place very cold
5,500 posts, read 19,078,905 times
Reputation: 4184
I don't see a problem breaking up via email. You're under no obligation. Sometimes it's easier to communicate in writing when you have time to think. Just be upfront, honest, and respectful, and maybe you can tell him that if he needs to talk on the phone, he is welcome to call you.

The most important thing is that you tell the other person what is going on.

W.
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Old 07-06-2009, 11:12 AM
 
28,906 posts, read 43,879,354 times
Reputation: 45689
Quote:
Originally Posted by Woof Woof Woof! View Post
I don't see a problem breaking up via email. You're under no obligation. Sometimes it's easier to communicate in writing when you have time to think. Just be upfront, honest, and respectful, and maybe you can tell him that if he needs to talk on the phone, he is welcome to call you.

The most important thing is that you tell the other person what is going on.

W.
It's just cowardice, no matter how much rationalization one gives. Grownups deliver such news in person or, if geographically impractical, by telephone.
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Old 07-06-2009, 11:15 AM
 
2,729 posts, read 3,948,050 times
Reputation: 1962
I would say it's ok to break up via e-mail, if e-mail has been part of your normal communication methods. Otherwise probably not.
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Old 07-06-2009, 11:16 AM
 
Location: Florida
7,269 posts, read 9,019,398 times
Reputation: 6011
Quote:
Originally Posted by rubber_factory View Post
To add onto the original question -

which is worse: breaking up by e-mail, or slowly growing apart until one of you just disappears?
Why the drama and extremes? Just woman-up and end it the way it started. . face to face. And sorry, but you want to break up with a man. . men do not NEED elaborate, squabbling, wordy presentations to be rejected.
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