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Old 07-07-2009, 02:55 PM
 
Location: Coachella Valley, California
15,138 posts, read 23,962,383 times
Reputation: 12203
Yeah, I've had people try to change me, but homie don't play dat!
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Old 07-07-2009, 02:57 PM
 
7,356 posts, read 7,797,481 times
Reputation: 6021
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tzaphkiel View Post
No, i don't expect friends to give me any kind of criticism

nor do i "hope" friends will step in when they see me making mistakes or heading down the wrong path

those aren't friends in my book at all. People who criticize and tell me how to live my life and point out my mistakes are people who think they know better than me how to live my life. That behavior is lacking totally in respect and dignity. It is condescending and arrogant. Not qualities i cultivate in friendship whatsoever.

"Don't should on me" is a pretty reliable yardstick to live life by. When you "should" on someone, telling them what they should be doing, it's the same as sh*tting on them.
You expect your friends to keep quiet even when you're about to make a big mistake? Wow. I wouldn't want friends like that. I'd want the kinds of friends who care enough about me to tell me when I'm doing something wrong, like marrying someone I'll regret marrying or paying too much for a car. If you can't handle constructive criticism and think any criticism is condescending and disrespectful, then you're too sensitive. What the OP has described is extreme and not what people should tolerate from their friends. But the other extreme, not saying anything, is just as bad. I find nothing disrespectful if a friend tells me I'm making a mistake. It all depends on how they say it, how often, and if they know when to stop.
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Old 07-07-2009, 02:57 PM
 
Location: I'm around here someplace :)
1,667 posts, read 1,897,542 times
Reputation: 943
Quote:
Originally Posted by Twinkle Toes View Post
Yeah, I've had people try to change me, but homie don't play dat!
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Old 07-07-2009, 02:59 PM
 
Location: Augusta, Ga
337 posts, read 474,870 times
Reputation: 155
Thorpe - Tell him that he is right...You do to be more extroverted...and you are going to start being more outgoing...Without him.

He may be trying to help you but the sex comments are below the belt...

But think in PART about what he said...You can try to be more extroverted. Its amazing what it can do for you. Take a moment each day to say something on one person..."like your shoes" "wow, we had a dog like that when I was younger" "Thanks for opening the door. I really appreciate it"

You may find by doing this you may come out of your shell...

Good luck
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Old 07-07-2009, 03:50 PM
 
Location: In my skin
7,933 posts, read 8,504,627 times
Reputation: 7673
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tzaphkiel View Post
No, i don't expect friends to give me any kind of criticism

nor do i "hope" friends will step in when they see me making mistakes or heading down the wrong path

those aren't friends in my book at all. People who criticize and tell me how to live my life and point out my mistakes are people who think they know better than me how to live my life. That behavior is lacking totally in respect and dignity. It is condescending and arrogant. Not qualities i cultivate in friendship whatsoever.

"Don't should on me" is a pretty reliable yardstick to live life by. When you "should" on someone, telling them what they should be doing, it's the same as sh*tting on them.
You don't want a friend, you want a dog.

OP, this guy is an ass. Tell him so.
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Old 07-07-2009, 04:33 PM
 
Location: Centro Tejas
434 posts, read 450,825 times
Reputation: 234
I was on a date with a random guy who asked me why I was still single (that was like nine months before I met the man that is my hubby today). I told him that most of them "run" when they get to me for who I really am (I'm very outgoing, play video games, play guitar-the real guitar-, and I don't like fashion). He had the guts to tell me that I, a woman, shouldn't play video games, play in a rock band, and being anti fashion. I told him, very mad, that I will never change my interest to please a man. I left the restaurant without paying and without calling him ever again.
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Old 07-07-2009, 04:44 PM
 
Location: Democratic Peoples Republic of Redneckistan
9,720 posts, read 7,344,973 times
Reputation: 3186
Ever had someone try to change you?

Only every person that has ever spent more than ten minutes with me.

example:

Them"Do you like rap music?"

Me "No,not really"

Them "You should listen to insert goofy name here"

Me "No,that's cool,I do not like ANY rap music,but thanks"

Them "No,really let me put this disc in"

Me "Get the hell out of my truck and walk home"


*sigh
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Old 07-08-2009, 03:47 AM
 
11,001 posts, read 6,605,715 times
Reputation: 8234
My ex wanted to change me so badly, I forgot what his complaint was, but he kept complainig over and over again. Finally I told him that if he didnt quit his nagging that I would just leave him. His nagging made me feel like I was being poked by needles . So I told him. And I made it clear to him that his nagging was just going to cause problems because I would never change to who he wanted me to be. And only he had a problem with whatever it was he kept nagging me about. All my friends and family had no problem with whatever it was he was talking about and trying to change. So it was just him. We truly were not compatible.
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Old 07-08-2009, 05:23 AM
 
496 posts, read 490,745 times
Reputation: 417
the only one who's ever had any success at that was me. and let me just say... the "success" has been *limited*.
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Old 07-08-2009, 07:14 AM
 
Location: Northeastern WI
19,339 posts, read 15,878,176 times
Reputation: 35869
Yep. And it ends up not working out. Most of the time it never has a happy ending.
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