Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I'm pretty much asexual. I wasn't like this always. As a teenager and a young woman, I had a healthy libido. But something happened in my late 20s/early 30s and all that changed. My libido dried up. Sex became physically uncomfortable...then excrutiatingly painful. The libido sort of hung in there by its fingernails for a while and I tried to make do with sexual scenarios that weren't painful, but eventually my libido just gave up the battle. Now I'm in my late 30s and I have no sex drive whatsoever. Zip. Zilch. Nada.
It doesn't bother me too much, although at first I went through that whole "I'm defective as a woman!" drama. To be truthful, that's a hard one to completely get past. There's always this part of me that feels...deficient and flawed. But mostly I've come to terms with it...probably because I figure that I simply don't know what I'm missing, so therefore I don't really miss it.
In and of itself, being asexual doesn't feel like a bad thing. I don't feel like my life is barren or sorrowful. Happiness is what you make of it and starts with a mindset. I have friends, family, fun, interests, etc. I have no doubt that someone who hasn't experienced this would consider me and my life to be incomplete or less whole. *shrug* From their perspective, they may be right. But I can only live my life from my own perspective, not someone else's.
Of course, knowing that I'm asexual pretty much rules out the whole dating and falling in love and having a significant other thing at some point in my future. I mean...if you're an adult and you put yourself out there in the dating world, the expectation is that eventually you're going to have sex with someone. If you see someone regularly enough that you develop a relationship and start to fall in love, sex is expected to be there on the table. And that's not something I can bring to the table...so I don't date. (I would never try to date, knowing that I was asexual. That just seems dishonest and deceitful and unfair to the other party.)
Asexual people can and do meet one another through organizations for example. There is a large support group online. AVEN.
Well some asexuals on the site have a very low libido. Not all have a nonexistent sex drive. That's the most extreme case of being asexual. Low libidio asexuals are usually referred to as romantic asexuals because they do like some affection, romance and some intimate sexual activity once in awhile with a preferred partner. They tend to be very selective in their partners and need to be emotionally connected...at least from what I've observed. While some romantic asexuals just mainly like close affection such as kisses, hugs, cuddling and heavy petting, but aren't that interested in interourse and so forth. They can go without those things if they had their druthers.
I would say check out their page, look into their forums section and you might find some people you can relate to.
I would say check out their page, look into their forums section and you might find some people you can relate to.
Thanks for the info. You don't know me - I was just goofing around. I'm not into cold fish... just something a bit less than a horndog; somebody who has other thoughts in his mind as well.
Cold fish? I have heard that term often. However, I never really get depressed. My moods are either happy or angry. Sort of like kids before puberty, with a healthy does of adult experience to temper the desire for fun.
And question #2: Is 'married with children' the place where women go to become asexual ? (please treat the 2 questions separately )
I think my wife might be asexual. It would not surprise me at all. Very stiff when it comes to sex. Whether it be talking about it or in her actions. Maybe it is just a low libedo. I am going to have to do some reading on the AVEN forum.
As far as number 2, that could be very true. I don't know how many times I've heard people say something like, "if you want to have sex, don't get married". Of course that doesn't apply to all marriages.
I think my wife might be asexual. It would not surprise me at all. Very stiff when it comes to sex. Whether it be talking about it or in her actions. Maybe it is just a low libedo. I am going to have to do some reading on the AVEN forum.
Yep, I'm struggling with that difference too, because low libido can be addressed and treated but, if the person is asexual, I get it there's not much one can do.
In my case it turned out the person I had in my mind when posting the thread had been sexually abused as a child and so he thought of sex as being a negative thing - although sometimes he would get turned on he'd repress the instinct...
Being that you mentioned it, it would not surprise me if my wife or her sister were sexually abused in their younger years. Especially my wifes sister. Don't know that I'll ever find that out.
To me, the situation you described is just someone who got bored with the sex in their relationship and doesn't really want to put forth any effort to make it better. I think in relationships, it happens sometimes where everything is great in the beginning and then as the "newness" wears off, things slow down and then come to a grinding halt. Especially so, if you have kids and a full time job, when you hit the bed at night, usually the last thing on your mind is pleasing or being pleased. I think for most they want to and the desire is there but they are too tired to act upon it. In those cases, the couples should spend some time alone and get to know each other again, intimately.
Very good and accurate observation. I fit into that range. The low libido asexual.
Quote:
Originally Posted by AsymptoticFaery
Well some asexuals on the site have a very low libido. Not all have a nonexistent sex drive. That's the most extreme case of being asexual. Low libidio asexuals are usually referred to as romantic asexuals because they do like some affection, romance and some intimate sexual activity once in awhile with a preferred partner. They tend to be very selective in their partners and need to be emotionally connected...at least from what I've observed. While some romantic asexuals just mainly like close affection such as kisses, hugs, cuddling and heavy petting, but aren't that interested in interourse and so forth. They can go without those things if they had their druthers.
I would say check out their page, look into their forums section and you might find some people you can relate to.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
