Ever been in a relationship with an Asexual partner? (Christian, long-term, men)

[Huckleberry3911948]

per op
yes i have its called marriage.

[maschuette]

Originally Posted by crossing over

Some people don't even realize they are asexual, they just tell the other one they just have a low libido. Sometimes, asexuals start off by having sex with the newly found partner in order to please the partner, but as things progress they go back to their usual pattern and rarely bring themselves to having sex.

When they finally get to a point where they would give it a try, even the slightest noise or interruption puts them off and if everything is not perfect then they give up on the idea.


Question #1: Ever been in such a relationship?

And question #2: Is 'married with children' the place where women go to become asexual ? (please treat the 2 questions separately )

Why would these people even date? They dont need a relationship they need a roommate.

[OngletNYC]

Originally Posted by JSizzle225

Wow, thank you. I did not know that. What about Santa?

So do you make a habit of making posts about whether or not Santa is asexual, the way you do about Sherlock Holmes? How about the Easter bunny while you are at it, he might be asexual too.

[samston]

Originally Posted by Sanderling

I don't know how one can choose not to have desire. We can choose not to act upon it, but it certainly seems more common for some occasional sexual desire to be normal. Choosing not to act upon on renders one celibate, not asexual.

I've read that asexuality is based on not having any sexual feelings at all, and having this based on choice. It still seems odd and warped out to me lol...

[L.M.L.]

I'm engaged to an asexual man and don't know what to do. We've were friends for eight years, and when he expressed romantic interest I expected a sexual relationship to develop. But I have found I am the only one who ever initiates sex. Now we are engaged, but nothing has changed. So, I've concluded that he is assexual. He won't admit he is asexual and doesn't care. He doesn't seem to know what sex is and doesn't think giving me sexual pleasure is important for a healthing marriage, but I do. Help! Do I break up the engaged?

[megan722]

L.M.L - I would not marry him. The only time I had a low libido is when my husband was mean to me. I really just did not want to be intimate with him. That was one of his reasons for having an affair - no sex. But frankly, if you're an ass, why would I want to be with you??? A lot of times, the loss of libido in a relationship has a lot to do with the relationship itself. Not always, but I think a lot.

[WyoNewk]

LML, The chances of his libido increasing after marriage is zilch. You've apparently already talked with him about your concerns and he denies that he has a problem. My advice is to break off the engagement and leave him in the dust. It's only going to get worse the longer you're together.

Good luck!

[TJenkins602]

Sometimes when women see me, they go Asexual.

[NY Annie]

Seems to me you have a couple of options:

1. Get a FWB or FB - let him know you plan on doing that and keep it out in the open so you're not cheating/lying.
2. Decide you don't need sex again - except maybe once a year on your birthday, whether he's there or not.
3. RUN FOR YOUR SANITY!

My ex was as close to asexual as you'll come - and that's the MAIN reason he's an ex. There's just so many years a woman will handle "not tonight, dear, I "fill in the blank".

[DaninEGF]

Originally Posted by L.M.L.

I'm engaged to an asexual man and don't know what to do. We've were friends for eight years, and when he expressed romantic interest I expected a sexual relationship to develop. But I have found I am the only one who ever initiates sex. Now we are engaged, but nothing has changed. So, I've concluded that he is assexual. He won't admit he is asexual and doesn't care. He doesn't seem to know what sex is and doesn't think giving me sexual pleasure is important for a healthing marriage, but I do. Help! Do I break up the engaged?

I am very similar to your boyfriend. I just assumed for many years I had low sex drive, or I just wanted to wait until I got married, etc. But I did get married, and tried to have sex several times and it was so uncomfortable and not natural at all. As much as I wanted to, there just wasnt a sexual desire there. In the middle I would think of what tasks I needed to complete the next day, so nothing could ever happen. I went to a doctor who tried to have me think of my wife in various ways, but that didnt work at all as I can see or think of nude people and there is just no reaction at all. Asexuality is quite varied and peope who are asexuals run the spectrum in desires and behaviors just like sexual people. So there is no one section that fits all.

I encourage you to visit
Asexual Visibility and Education Network

There are many stores in their forums of sexuals married to asexuals. If you are one who is actively sexual and consider that very important then I am afraid getting married might indeed be the wrong step. I strongly encourage you to not rush into any marriage before you both talk about this.