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Unread 07-13-2009, 01:40 AM
 
11,002 posts, read 5,162,191 times
Reputation: 8169
How dare you say that you are leaving her for her own good? Be honest. You are leaving her cause you dont love her. Thats all it is. And of course you dont understand the love theory going around here that a person will go anywhere where her/his love is, because at the present moment you are not in love. Check with us when the love bug hits ya.
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Unread 07-13-2009, 01:50 AM
 
Location: Coachella Valley, California
14,877 posts, read 19,879,022 times
Reputation: 11649
Poor thing - it sounds as though she was an "FWB" without even knowing she was.
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Unread 07-13-2009, 08:10 AM
 
Location: Tucson
42,866 posts, read 42,447,580 times
Reputation: 22339
Quote:
Originally Posted by chacho_keva View Post
Lovesmountains is absolutely right! I love my birthplace. I do not love Anne.
How come you skipped this paramount piece of info in your initial post?! To make us think you're being noble and concerned about her well-being. Why did you even post? The whole situation has nothing to do with your returning to your home country.

Or shall we think you're such a great guy for not stringing her along?
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Unread 07-13-2009, 08:24 AM
 
Location: Wherever women are
19,029 posts, read 12,625,984 times
Reputation: 11309
The OP's confused and is seeking to hide himself behind a lame excuse.

TEN YEARS is a long time, bro. Did you find someone more curvaceous and alluring back in the homeland?

Ten year plans don't work. They say five year plans don't work either. When I was 20, I made astronomical objectives for 30, one of them being conquering the world

It clearly did not happen.

I'm gonnabe 30 in a year And I have a new set of astronomical objectives for 35 which will dwarf those of ten years ago.

But one of my married ex-bosses (this guy is an exec, he gets his ride in a dark lincoln) once told me that all 5 yr, 10 yr plans go boring when you marry the babe of your life and see your first son or daughter. You see life from a whole new frame and your prime objective is fatherhood and see the little one grow up, great and successful.

Considering that, your 10 year plan is probably farcical right now.
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Unread 07-13-2009, 10:04 AM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
38,203 posts, read 40,048,736 times
Reputation: 26989
Quote:
Originally Posted by temptation001 View Post
How dare you say that you are leaving her for her own good? Be honest. You are leaving her cause you dont love her. Thats all it is. And of course you dont understand the love theory going around here that a person will go anywhere where her/his love is, because at the present moment you are not in love. Check with us when the love bug hits ya.
BINGO! IF he really loved her he'd clearly understand where I was coming from - in his current state he cannot relate.
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Unread 07-13-2009, 10:15 AM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
38,203 posts, read 40,048,736 times
Reputation: 26989
[quote=chacho_keva;9736727][b]I thank you all for contributing your POV's. I'd like to make an attempt at responding to some of the questions several of you have raised.

Lovesmountains is absolutely right! I love my birthplace. I do not love Anne. I have a deep emotional connection with her. The connection is so deep that I care for Anne and have her best interest at heart. For this reason I had determined to tell her about my decision immediately. Had I not cared about her, I would have strung her along for as long as possible. I could've taken advantage of her emotions for as long as I pleased. Conversely, I chose what was best for her at the cost of our relationship.

Although we both have children of our own, Anne and I are slightly beyond child bearing years. Mine are adults. Her's are relatively young. Her children will inevitably force her to stay put for many years to come.

I am not from a Muslim nation or Somalia. However, where I'm from, a monolingual person - as in Anne's case - will be hard pressed to fit in. She would be the oddball out in most any gathering. That wouldn't be fair to her.

Finally, one of the opinions posted in this thread severely over-simplifies the concept of love. The opinion went something like this..."Oh, I will live with my man even if it's in a cave as long as he loves me." I sorely beg to differ. The issue of practicality has much a place in business and work as it does in relationships and love. It is too easy to say... "I will live in a cave, as long as there is love(?)" Really now? I haven't met a woman yet who has knowingly married a man whom would surely reduce her quality of life right from the start. That is impractical, unreasonable and destined for failure. That infamous Hollywood cliche which says..."and they lived happily ever after" is probably the biggest reason why so many marriages fail in the USA. IMHO, way too many people in the US enter marriage thinking that it is suppose to be a flawless institution marked by bliss, joy, and a daily dose of nuance. It's stunning to meet people (mostly women) who sincerely believe they are entitled to such unreasonable expectations.





Love is not always practical or reasonable

Believe me, I have no "entitlement mentality" when it comes to love. And I don't believe in Hollywood happily ever afters. Love and marriage are always hard work, not constant bliss 24/7. And because I know that, I would indeed go live in a cave, or a tent, or a dessert, whatever I had to to be with the man I love. You cannot understand this because you yourself have never truly been in love, I pray one day you'll have that experience, though not everyone does.

It is exactly as I wrote above, and your "practical" approach means nothing once you are in love by the way.

A man in love with a woman will move heaven and earth to be with that woman.

A man in love with a woman would live wherever he had to live to be with that woman.

A man in love with a woman would not chose his extended family and country of orgin over that woman.

This is not to say children don't complicate matters (which you failed to mention in your original post) - but children grow up and in the end, IF you are lucky, there will just be the two of you left to grow old together.
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Unread 07-13-2009, 10:31 PM
 
Location: The Jar
6,654 posts, read 2,899,997 times
Reputation: 11857
Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains View Post
Because a man in love with a woman will move heaven and earth to be with that woman.

A man in love with a woman would live wherever he had to live to be with that woman.

A man in love with a woman would not chose his extended family and country of orgin over that woman.

It's really very simple.
You are spot on my friend!
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Unread 07-13-2009, 11:56 PM
 
Location: Southfield, MI
5 posts, read 4,539 times
Reputation: 13
Allow her to use these years to find someone who will possibly bring her happiness--and if not to find herself and to rebuild her confidence in who she is as woman.
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Unread 07-14-2009, 12:39 PM
 
Location: Austin, TX
1,687 posts, read 2,324,759 times
Reputation: 798
What are you, some FEZ like character? You're homeland is a mystery?

Where the hell is your homeland??
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Unread 07-14-2009, 02:45 PM
 
Location: Coachella Valley, California
14,877 posts, read 19,879,022 times
Reputation: 11649
If he tells us, we might all want to uproot and move there. Maybe he better not tell us.

Shhhhh ..... it's a secret.
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