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Old 11-02-2009, 03:44 PM
 
7,483 posts, read 8,374,694 times
Reputation: 6275

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Thursday007 View Post
There's no mincing it - everyone can read it. "Actually the reason few men file for divorce is...." is about as matter of fact as you can get. So, again, I repeat myself. Let others read it. It doesn't say possibly or maybe or I think or any disqualifiers it says "Actually is." So, at least man up to your own statements.

Secondly, I never attacked you - I provided you statistical data to refute the statement you posted. I said your arguement was the problem - not you and I didn't call you names, tell you to grow up or that you were an idiot or anything personal. You want to argue for the sake of arguing and I'm not.

Third, I have backed up everything and responded to every question you've asked me - and all I did was continuously repeat what I had already posted in this thread. So, why waste the energy to keep repeating it. Throw a temper tantrum over it and jump up and down it doesn't change the post.
Seriously, do you not understand basic English? I said the reason few men file is because they think divorce law is rigged against them. Did I say I agree with them? No. The data you've cited only addressed the claim that divorce law is slanted. You don't think it is. Fine. But these men do. The data you provide DOESN'T address the mindset of these men. Whether their views are correct is beside the point. What matters is that this is what they think. And yes, you have attacked me. First, you attributed the opinion of other men to my statement. Repeating someone else's view is not the same thing as endorsing it and yet that's exactly how you've interpreted my statement. I'm amazed that you can't seem to grasp the distinction between expressing one's own opinion and stating what others think.
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Old 11-02-2009, 04:13 PM
 
1,398 posts, read 3,035,152 times
Reputation: 2643
Happily married. Wouldn't trade my marriage for the world...I was very lucky to find my husband.
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Old 11-02-2009, 09:21 PM
 
Location: Tucson
42,844 posts, read 54,195,655 times
Reputation: 22786
Quote:
Originally Posted by Thursday007 View Post
We talked quite frankly about it all and I was able to ask him why he cheated - if it was just sex, ego or other and also why he continued to marry and not file for divorce. He told me flat out, "As long as you can have it both ways and the wife puts up with it there is no incentive to file for divorce - you basically have it all."
What do I say?! Here it is - straight from the horse's mouth!
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Old 11-02-2009, 09:26 PM
 
13,779 posts, read 16,853,763 times
Reputation: 7236
Quote:
Originally Posted by lastra View Post
Happily married. Wouldn't trade my marriage for the world...I was very lucky to find my husband.
I feel the same...my husband is not perfect but he is perfect for me
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Old 11-03-2009, 01:19 AM
 
Location: AR
564 posts, read 1,574,937 times
Reputation: 544
If you're looking for a board stinking of positivity, it ain't here jack.

Relationship message boards are usually the bar toilets filled with emotional upchuck.
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Old 11-03-2009, 01:55 AM
 
24,533 posts, read 14,594,554 times
Reputation: 24910
These men? What men? All men? You've met them all? You know what all men think? That's a lot of men.

I also see you keep omitting the portions of data that speak to your assertions - so here it is again.

85 to 95% of people work out their own parenting and custody - so most never see the light of day in a court room or are decided by a judge. So, you can't just guess and use it as fact. Or use a story from a couple guys who never contested it as fact for all men.

Now the most crucial part - Of the 15% of contested cases where the man files for custody 70% are awareded custody. 70% is higher than half.

Now, I didn't just pull that out of my rear end, nor is it based on people I know. My posts have citations and dates - which are relevant. They aren't just anecdotes - but I've got plenty of those too. So, maybe you should have read the whole thread so I didn't have to keep repeating myself over and over. (rolls eyes, departs).
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Old 11-03-2009, 04:40 AM
 
24,533 posts, read 14,594,554 times
Reputation: 24910
And just for the record, Denny, here's what I've seen the most of:

Infidelity - "Why file for divorce when you can continue to have it both ways"

Substance Abuse - should I stay and help 'for better or worse' or just bail?

And more and more people staying together 'for the sake of the kids' until they turn 18 in order to give them as normal a childhood as possible.

Not one I've come across that was reluctant to file due to being fleeced by the other party.

You can go into infinity to try and 'guess' all the reasons people divorce. Sure they may file "Infidelity' as the reason, but what actually caused the infidelity? The reasons are endless. It's no different than a death certificate. It could say "Massive Head Trauma" but it won't say "Hit by a bus' which is what caused the head trauma.

So, you can't speak for what all, or even most, men are thinking.

Last edited by Thursday007; 11-03-2009 at 05:10 AM..
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Old 11-03-2009, 05:18 AM
 
Location: 95468
1,344 posts, read 1,433,581 times
Reputation: 893
Quote:
Originally Posted by NotARedneck View Post
Society (through our addiction to TV) holds up the ideal marriage as being "blond, busty, bimbette trades her assets to hot guy with a fat wallet for a contractual arrangement of support. This leads to eternal happiness and lots of sex - the only type approved by the fundamentalist religious types."

This has led to a positive development. 1/3 of people now say "That's not an institution for me".
Unless it's gay marriage, right?
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Old 11-03-2009, 08:15 AM
 
307 posts, read 60,222 times
Reputation: 57
Quote:
Originally Posted by DennyCrane View Post
Whenever I hear people claim that the institution of marriage is flawed and ultimately doomed to failure, my eyes roll. I've never bought into this idea. For all the talk about how 50% of marriages end in divorce, how much "work" it takes to maintain one, and how "unnatural" monogamy is, I've always felt that a marriage is as only as good as the people in it. Some people just aren't cut out for marriage, some people get married for all the wrong reasons, and some people just end up marrying the right person. But instead of taking responsibility, a lot of people are quick to blame the institution of marriage itself. That seems to be a recurring theme in America. Find someone or something else to blame. In this case, it's easier to say marriage is a flawed institution than to actually look inward. I know a lot of divorced people who are quick to say they did everything right and weren't at fault for the end of their marriage. I've never been married, but with all my failed relationships, I've always taken responsibility. Even in those relationships where I felt I did everything right, I took some of the blame for it ending. Why is it so hard for people to do this these days and so easy to just badmouth marriage instead? What I really can't stand is people who are now divorced that act like being divorced makes them experts on marriage, telling the rest of us who've never been married what it's really like. Being divorced may give you better insight into married life, but it hardly qualifies you as an expert or endows you with any special powers to predict how someone else's marriage will turn out.

Sorry for the rant.
They are not claiming, just speaking the truth. It's like being in prison.
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Old 11-03-2009, 08:19 AM
 
Location: Bradenton, Florida
27,237 posts, read 26,818,051 times
Reputation: 10592
Oddly, there's no need for "infidelity" to want to split. It's called "irreconciliable differences". Happens all the time for relationships short of marriage. That's why it's better to just not marry in the first place.
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