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Society (through our addiction to TV) holds up the ideal marriage as being "blond, busty, bimbette trades her assets to hot guy with a fat wallet for a contractual arrangement of support. This leads to eternal happiness and lots of sex - the only type approved by the fundamentalist religious types."
This has led to a positive development. 1/3 of people now say "That's not an institution for me".
What the hell kinds of television shows do you watch?????
Once upon a time...marriage was a sacred institution built upon the foundation of religious beliefs, a doctrine of faith, a set of rules, and specific roles to play. Well, at least my parent's marriage from the 60's was. LOLOL
They have been married 40 years + now.....And still are in love with each other.
I think marriage has changed so much in the decades of blood tests, stereotypical housewives, and the perfect 2.5 children living in a cookie cutter suburban lifestyle...that a lot of things have been lost in transit.
Take a look at other cultures and their marriage beliefs, and maybe the idea of it will make a broader sense. IMHO, marriage is an old and outdated form of coupling that for nostalgic reasons stays around. We're not church goers, we were not brought up on any particular faith....so DH and I didn't have to get married at all.
We chose to for a few reasons, but legally ended up screwing ourselves over in the process. If we weren't married, we'd both most likely get tax returns every year, instead of paying more to the IRS. We have no kids, no investments like a house, and no medical insurance...but we don't qualify for squat b/c husband makes too much money, where as I am not working and could at least get a mammogram for these lumps....nope. I have to pay cash b/c according to the system, hubby makes more than enough to pay cash for all this stuff.
Wow, maybe I suck at this budget thing...but our cost of living is killing us. And we only have one car! We can't even afford cable! I haven't watched a tv show in a year! Cell phone? what's that??? LOL catch my drift?
But....we love and adore each other, and wanted that piece of paper saying we belonged to each other. Marriage is what the two people married put into it, and get out of it, and its unique and sacred to them. Those who have been divorced might be bitter...those who tell you don't bother. And they might be on to something....only you can decide if marriage fits your lifestyle...But for the naysayers about it..they have a reason to argue its existence, in today's times. I think its outdated, and not being religious and not having children....it's just a personal decision for me. I'm not sure how being legally married affects children, maybe suing for child support or whatnot, that's for someone else to chime in here and educate me on
The tax return thing doesn't add up, as there is normally an advantage for a joint return when one spouse does not have income. If you are foregoing health care for that piece of paper- yikes. I know people get married to get insurance but to get married and be ineligible for anything, just really risky.
The tax return thing doesn't add up, as there is normally an advantage for a joint return when one spouse does not have income. If you are foregoing health care for that piece of paper- yikes. I know people get married to get insurance but to get married and be ineligible for anything, just really risky.
I just think we handed ourselves a crap card here. I was working full time, and at one point we had full benefits. We carried our own insurance, but even though we put extra dollars in on our W-4's (is that the right form? it's been a while...) we still owed the IRS each year. That's not including the years we had to borrow from our IRA's and Pensions just to survive. We paid penalties each year when we did that, but even the years we didn't touch it, we still underpaid the IRS, how? I have no freakin clue. Our CPA told us that because we didn't have children, and didn't have any investments like property, we would have to pay more. So I try to stay away from those debate boards where they scream tax dollars for our schools! Ya, I pay for that, and have no kids....so just don't go there with me. LOL
We fall in this magical middle category where we always make too much money to qualify for anything, yet we don't feel we live beyond our means. I have now left my job in March this year, so I'll find out next year how our taxes will be. Right now, my husband makes decent wages, but there are only 3 employees, and no one has insurance there. We don't qualify for programs in our area to assist with medical debt because DH makes too much, so if I were not married, I'd be able to find some assistance, as he is supporting me anyway.
I have to pay cash for doctors, to which I'm on what feels like a 50 year payment plan. I graduate college next summer, hopefully I find work again. By then maybe I'll have my medical issues taken care of as well. Who knows.
At this point, we're scaling down to a small 1 bedroom, 1 bathroom as cheap as we can find....and pay off some things medical wise, to begin saving again.
Our CPA told us that because we didn't have children, and didn't have any investments like property, we would have to pay more. So I try to stay away from those debate boards where they scream tax dollars for our schools! Ya, I pay for that, and have no kids....so just don't go there with me. LOL
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Not to hijack this thread or press a hot button issue, but I own a home and have no children. School taxes are not taken out of your paycheck they come out of property taxes which are deductible (or incorporated in rent-which your landlord then deducts). The value of homes and quality of cities and services are very dependant on the quality of their school systems. So, even if you do not have children, the quality of the school system does directly affect the value of your home and property including your auto insurance.
Though I do not have children I chose this particular suburb to buy a home in because of the school system knowing my property value would increase and the city services were better because of it. Even in this economy my home is worth and could easily sell for well over what I bought it for.
Last edited by Thursday007; 10-29-2009 at 10:24 AM..
Whenever I hear people claim that the institution of marriage is flawed and ultimately doomed to failure, my eyes roll. I've never bought into this idea. For all the talk about how 50% of marriages end in divorce, how much "work" it takes to maintain one, and how "unnatural" monogamy is, I've always felt that a marriage is as only as good as the people in it. Some people just aren't cut out for marriage, some people get married for all the wrong reasons, and some people just end up marrying the right person. But instead of taking responsibility, a lot of people are quick to blame the institution of marriage itself. That seems to be a recurring theme in America. Find someone or something else to blame. In this case, it's easier to say marriage is a flawed institution than to actually look inward. I know a lot of divorced people who are quick to say they did everything right and weren't at fault for the end of their marriage. I've never been married, but with all my failed relationships, I've always taken responsibility. Even in those relationships where I felt I did everything right, I took some of the blame for it ending. Why is it so hard for people to do this these days and so easy to just badmouth marriage instead? What I really can't stand is people who are now divorced that act like being divorced makes them experts on marriage, telling the rest of us who've never been married what it's really like. Being divorced may give you better insight into married life, but it hardly qualifies you as an expert or endows you with any special powers to predict how someone else's marriage will turn out.
Sorry for the rant.
By the time I graduated from High School, I'd only known one person who was divorced... approx. 10 more years in that area, I knew a second one... right off, I can only think of one adult (older person) who was single (never married).
Most people in the area are not particularly religious; nor is it a matter of "suffering silently thru years of abusive marriages." Marriages last, & the people "in" them are basically happy. My parents for example were married for 58 years; and the people I know in their late 20s & early 30s have the same kind of "lifestyle" also.
In contrast, here in my current location, I only know 2 couples who are married- they're all around 30 yrs. old, & have been married for a couple of years. Nearly everyone, in all age groups, refer to themselves as "being in a relationship"-- which here means whichever person they happen to be living with at the time, and it doesn't last long-- or "dating," which is a "lifestyle" in itself. Not only would most say that they're not very happy, they don't grasp that happy, solid marriages/relationships do exist.
While a number of factors go into these differences, there are two which are at the top of the list-
first, I've seen in this locale that most people generally approach the subject in terms of "if it works..." With that attitude, one can be guaranteed that it won't.
second, they approach relationships in terms of two people with individual lives looking at what each can "gain" from the relationship and from the other person; whereas in my original environment the approach is two people "combining" their lives with what they can "put into" it.
lol @ whoever said this a positive thread. This is a thread of someone bitching about people who ***** about marriage being tough.
Marriage is a very personal choice. You're going to have varying opinions and if you can't handle it, then I would say that's not anyone's problem but your own.
im not an expert are you?
but i have been married.
so i know more than if i had not been married.
marriage is flawed, the laws have changed marriage drastically.
b4 1970 it was a different institution entirely. b4 it was a limited partnership
now its an unlimited partnership.
it is often a bad partnership with a whole lota liability for your partners financial actions.
not good. not all change is progress.
Whenever people describe the institution of marriage as sacred, I tend to roll my eyes. Marriage is what you make it and it shouldn't mean the same thing to everyone. Some people marry out of love. Others do it for legal and financial reasons. I don't judge people who get married for the latter even though I personally would want my marriage to mean something more. But I do agree that marriage is a rather outdated concept. After all, if you're with someone for 30 years, have kids with them, but you never marry them, does that make you a lesser person? I don't think so. I doubt anyone would look at Tim Robbins and Susan Sarandon and question their commitment to one another.
But I do agree with a previous poster who said that many people have an "if it works" attitude or "what do I gain" mindset. Most people I run into look at marriage and think about how it'll benefit them.
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