Is your SO like this? (boyfriend, how to, men, friend)

[beckycat]

My DH takes everything the wrong way. If I give a suggestion or tell him how I feel, he says that I make him feel like crap. I'll give a couple examples. If he does something wrong, I want to let him know how it makes me feel. He turns it around and says you make me feel like crap and depressed. Therfore, it feels like I can't express myself or I make him feel like crap. Another example is when he's doing some type of job, I give a suggestion like maybe a better idea would be to do it this way. He turns it around to think I'm questioning him about his work and I'm insinuating he doesn't know what he's doing. It drives me nuts b/c honestly I do not mean it that way. Too me, he has low self esteem and that causes him to feel that way. I've talked to him about it before and nothing changes.

[Pikantari]

Are you with my SO?

[beckycat]

Originally Posted by Pikantari

Are you with my SO?

LOL He swears I'm always putting him down. I swear I'm not, I'm really not!

[Tia 914]

Originally Posted by beckycat

My DH takes everything the wrong way. If I give a suggestion or tell him how I feel, he says that I make him feel like crap. I'll give a couple examples. If he does something wrong, I want to let him know how it makes me feel. He turns it around and says you make me feel like crap and depressed. Therfore, it feels like I can't express myself or I make him feel like crap. Another example is when he's doing some type of job, I give a suggestion like maybe a better idea would be to do it this way. He turns it around to think I'm questioning him about his work and I'm insinuating he doesn't know what he's doing. It drives me nuts b/c honestly I do not mean it that way. Too me, he has low self esteem and that causes him to feel that way. I've talked to him about it before and nothing changes.

unless there's more to this than you're saying, I'm on his side with this...

first, how do you think anyone would feel, to frequently be criticized and "corrected"?

but even more important, what's your definition of what is 'wrong' and what is a 'better idea'-- the key word there being 'your'...

the words that came to mind when I read the post were:
self-centered
immature
control-freak

[Cherie Tebo]

Originally Posted by beckycat

My DH takes everything the wrong way. If I give a suggestion or tell him how I feel, he says that I make him feel like crap. I'll give a couple examples. If he does something wrong, I want to let him know how it makes me feel. He turns it around and says you make me feel like crap and depressed. Therfore, it feels like I can't express myself or I make him feel like crap. Another example is when he's doing some type of job, I give a suggestion like maybe a better idea would be to do it this way. He turns it around to think I'm questioning him about his work and I'm insinuating he doesn't know what he's doing. It drives me nuts b/c honestly I do not mean it that way. Too me, he has low self esteem and that causes him to feel that way. I've talked to him about it before and nothing changes.

I never give any suggestions to my boyfriend regarding anything he says or does unless he asks me,otherwise I just keep my opinions to myself.

There's always three sides to every story.Her's,His and theirs.

[GTOlover]

I don't think any person likes to be told how to do something if that person thinks they know a better way then I would tell them to do it instead of telling me how they would do it.

[PA2UK]

Sorry but you sound a little critical and controlling.

[beckycat]

I thought relationships are supposed to be about communication. As long as what you are saying is not criticizing, I think your SO should be open to listen. At that point, it's up to your SO to decide if they will take your opinion into consideration or not. All I'm saying is just hear me out, I would do it for him no problem. I don't think you should keep you feelings bottled up. I have a feeling that several of these responses are from men.

[nuala]

Originally Posted by beckycat

I thought relationships are supposed to be about communication. As long as what you are saying is not criticizing, I think your SO should be open to listen. At that point, it's up to your SO to decide if they will take your opinion into consideration or not.

I think it depends on quantity. If you tell him this once in a blue moon, that's OK. If it's on everyday basis, that would drive any person to the ground.

It took me time, too, to realize this (because of course I know better than him ) but you just have to let a person live his life and make his own mistakes. And, most importantly, to praise him for things that he did well and wise decisions. This would be called "giving him wings", as opposite to "clipping wings" with nagging and criticizing.

[Tropical Trouble]

If I've learned anything about men over the years it's that they don't like to be told how to do something.

You can tell them what you want done, but then it's up to him to get it done however he wants to. If he screws it up, then let him screw it up. If you think there's a better way, do it yourself.