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I met a guy the other day, in fact it was the guy that Dell sent to fix my computer, he ended up staying 4 hours talking to me at the dinner table, the computer was fixed after 45 minutes, luckily I was his last call of the day. I was shocked at all the things we had in common.
Then he told me how he only worked servicing computers part time and as often as he could he gambled online. Maybe I'm a puritan but thats a red flag I can't ignore.
Maybe that he was there for 4 hours after the service call might have been a flag.......
Maybe that he was there for 4 hours after the service call might have been a flag.......
But what the hey, sometimes things go well....
We were just talking, we really hit it off, we had lived in the same areas, we were into the same kind of books, movies, I could go on. We just talked and talked, it was nice, I didn't think it a bad thing at all.
We were just talking, we really hit it off, we had lived in the same areas, we were into the same kind of books, movies, I could go on. We just talked and talked, it was nice, I didn't think it a bad thing at all.
Are the jokes about other people? Or you? If they were joking about other people in the style of say Kathy Griffen or George Lopez then that is great; however, if they are trying to start a fight then yes it is a major turn off and red flag.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tropical Trouble
A recent one that comes to mind is guys who use insults as jokes.
A friend of mine had been dating a guy for a couple weeks and he seemed nice and decent and she was definitely interested. Well, she got home from work late after working overtime, and didn't notice he had texted her. She finally got back to him the next evening and he asked her how she was doing. She told him she was really tired and hadn't slept well. He said something along the lines of "tired and didn't get any sleep? I hope he was worth it, Sk@nk"
My friend ended things right then and there. I'm sure he meant it jokingly, but sheesh, who calls a girl he's just getting to know, a skank?
- If he starts critiquing my clothes, shoes, or hair.
- If he doesn't let me finish a sentence.
- If he doesn't ask me about myself/only wants to talk about his interests.
- If all of his exes are "*******" or "psychos."
- If any of his friends cheat on their SOs or screw around.
- History of addiction (I get enough of that s**t from my family)
To me, the major stuff was always centered around:
-- Basic courtesy. Please, Thank You, and all those other little civilities are just ways to make interaction easier, and all assume that you care about the other person's feelings. If somebody doesn't use them during the early stages of a relationship, then they certainly won't be using them later.
-- How they treat other people besides you. The Waiter Test.
-- Lack of humor or a judgmental attitude.
-- They talk about themselves incessantly or they don't talk at all. Life's tough enough without the burden of an uncommunicative person. And being on the receiving end of a soliloquy is no fun, either.
-- Four or more pets, especially ones who are ascribed human characteristics. You're dealing with a child in an adult's body.
-- A bookshelf crammed with self-help manuals. Hey, two or three are perfectly okay. Five? You're getting out of the territory of self-awareness and entering either narcissism or dysfunctionality. Ten? Run. Just run. For that person is a basketcase and will take you down with her.
A recent one that comes to mind is guys who use insults as jokes.
A friend of mine had been dating a guy for a couple weeks and he seemed nice and decent and she was definitely interested. Well, she got home from work late after working overtime, and didn't notice he had texted her. She finally got back to him the next evening and he asked her how she was doing. She told him she was really tired and hadn't slept well. He said something along the lines of "tired and didn't get any sleep? I hope he was worth it, Sk@nk"
My friend ended things right then and there. I'm sure he meant it jokingly, but sheesh, who calls a girl he's just getting to know, a skank?
Oooo... Nasty. Passive-agressive. Bright red flag, waving in the wind, and screaming, "Stop. Go no further."
Great posts, everyone. I'm diggin' the honesty--and the humor.
Question: What about folks who seem to flip (make seemingly drastic changes in personality) later on in the relationship? Say, after three to six months? There had to have been subtle early signs. E.g., the woman who makes "suggestions" about what you should order at the restaurant then turns out later on to be a full-fledged control freak later on when she gets comfortable with you, or the photographer who offers to take you shopping (for your own good of course) and then later turns out to be a playboy with serious fetishes and an addiction to girlie magazines, etc.?
Trying not to be sexist here. The gender roles could be in reverse...
What are the sneaky, subtle, under the radar red flags that are easy to dismiss or rationalize early in the relationship?
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