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Nuala - Nice analogy. But I am not just talking about ambition to make money, but ambition in general. I don't want to date a guy who is obsessed with making money, but someone who has some focus in their life.
FourOhFive - Wow, I would be pulling my hair out in that situation. I don't know what it is, but I guess I expect that if I am working hard, my partner should be as well. I don't plan on being a stay at home mom, but if I was I know I would be keeping myself very busy. I think I would go crazy if I didn't.
Oh, I'm beyond the point of crazy. Bad part is that I try to be the good husband and defend her when my parents question things (it's more involved that just what I posted), but some days I can't find any good excuse. But for our kids I will do what it takes. Even if that means sitting back, going crazy, pulling my hair out, and finally finding a place where I will sometimes safely vent...
YES. I dated a guy for a while whose main ambition in life was to be the biggest and best weed dealer there was. He was cute, sweet and it was my fault for falling for it.
When I found out he had a full ride scholarship to a nearby university, but dropped out to sell weed, it was over. My current boyfriend may not have the best job, or a college degree (yet), but he has a ridiculous amount of ambition to get it all done
Are there no "bird" courses left. The pot dealers I knew continued their "studies" because it kept them in touch with their customers.
I was married to one too. But Im not sure its lack of ambition or lazyness. When we were dating it was different. He was finishing his B.S. and working a full time job, mowed the neighbors yard, etc. After we married he quit his job and stopped working on our house. I lost count of how many he has lost since. Never strived to improve our standard of living. Prefered sitting in front of the computer to improving the house of yard. He could talk a big talk but never acted on it.
How did I deal with it. I guess I stayed angry.
What did I learn? Honestly, I dont think I have learned enough from it.
I guess you can say I'm a guy without ambition. Well, not exactly, I have ambitions if you count walking on Mars as ambition instead of delusional pipe dream of a nerdy student wearing thick glasses who goes to bed early on friday night. I'd also like to publish loads of papers and be invited to important conferences, maybe win a few prestigious awards. But it's mainly an ego thing, believe it or not, seeing my name appear on journals, conferences and watching my publication list grow longer and longer make me feel not so lonely after living my whole life pretty much devoid of any attention except attention from my parents. Free-trip is also an important factor for a cash-strapped student eager to see the world. Sometimes I even suspect that the reason I gawk at hot chicks walking pass me is not necessarily my innate animalistic need to procreate, nor is it my eager expectation to, however slim the chance might be, make sweet love to her. Deep down, I want model material probably primarily because I want to run into the evil bit*ches who gave me hard time in junior high with my hot wife in my arms and make them feel how much a loser they are. If there were an ambition for me, it probably is the confidence to say "been there, done that" to everybody and everything when I reach 60. Although I don't think it's an ambition. So I probably am ambitionless. Is that really such a bad thing?
Nuala - Nice analogy. But I am not just talking about ambition to make money, but ambition in general. I don't want to date a guy who is obsessed with making money, but someone who has some focus in their life.
Its funny but often women will say that if a guy is still single by a certain age, then he's a bad bet. However, often, these are the guys with the ambition to get an education and do something with their life. This can leave little time or money for pursuing a serious relationship. Then when thay can........
You can't have it both ways but too often, it appears that women want to. They also expect such a guy, out of serious circulation for years, to be a polished player. No wonder there is so much divorce.
yes and never again. i dated a guy at 21 who was 22 or 23 and just bummed at his home with his wealthy doctor parents. he wasnt working, wasnt going to school, just really hung out with friends or went to the beach. i have dated guys who had 0 dollars, but had career goals and actually spent time furthering their careers to get them what they wanted.
Ambition doesn't mean scaling the corporate ladder, owning a huge mansion, or roaring along the coastline in a cigarette boat. Ambition doesn't entail driving a Porsche or backstabbing people to get ahead. If that's your working definition of ambition, then you're probably just experiencing sour grapes, and have found a convenient way to resent others who may be accomplished in life without your feeling guilty about it.
Instead, ambition just means the simple ability to have goals, and get up in the morning and accomplish them, and do it to the point that you can support you and your family and not be a drain on others. It can also mean that you have a cherished goal that you're working towards, whether owning your own business or starting an orphanage in Africa.
So this thread is really about people who lack purpose in their lives. And if you can stand being around them. I don't care if you're a carpenter or a CEO. Just be good at it. I don't care if you drive a Maserati or a 15-year-old Volvo. Just pay your own way in life.
Having had friends in life whose sole ambition was to sleep until noon, smoke pot, and hang out, I can tell you that it's a harmless life--for a while. But ultimately others wind up having to shoulder their load, and they don't even care. People like this should be avoided at all costs.
I thought of this thread after reading another on here. I've dated guys without ambition before, and being that I am the opposite, I never could understand why someone would not want to try harder in their life. After going through some very frustrating dating situations with guys like this, I could never go through it again.
So the question is, have you ever dated someone like this? How did you deal with it, and what did you learn from it?
Yes. My ex hubbie. I worked with his sister, who was a hard worker and a person with a zest for life. He seemed more laid back, but at the time I met him, he was a manager at a pet store. Several years later, the shop he worked for closed due to poor bookkeeping and not paying their taxes (not his fault). As he searched for another job, he revealed to me that he hated the feeling of being stressed, and that he had made a lifelong vow to himself never to work in a situation of stress. And it turned out he missed us living in the cheap rent controlled apartment and hated having to work harder to pay for his share of the mortgage on a two family house that I bought with my little sister with help from our father. He had no desire to own a home and would rather have the option to work less hard and survive from paycheck to paycheck. Of course, once I found this out, our marriage was doomed. And it wouldn't surprise me to some day find him living happily in some trailer park hanging out with his buddies.
I think it very important for a married couple to have similiar life goals and ambitions.
Yes.
I think it very important for a married couple to have similiar life goals and ambitions.
I think that right there sums it up. A couple of type B slackies could totally get along, and they would most likely understand each other way better. Understand the outlook on life.
Ambition isn't always about money. Directions, goals, personal accomplishment...those count, too.
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Have You Ever Dated Someone With No Ambition?
