Who is around 30 and single? (dating, boyfriends, marriage, women)

[mjohnson4381]

I'm just curious. I'm 28 and single. I've been really busy lately, so I haven't dated anyone in the past two years (other than one guy that didn't count because I was forced into it against my will. Seriously, my friend gave him my number without my permission).

Anyway, I'm not too worried about it, because I'm still trying to get my ducks in a row. And I don't like Arkansas, so I plan to wait until I've got said ducks in a row and to move far away before I attempt to date anybody again. I don't plan on dating anyone who lives here because I don't want to live here and I don't want to risk being with someone who wants to be here.

So, my main question is who else here is around 30 and single? And do they feel weird about it? I don't necessarily feel weird, but some people act like I should feel weird. Do you think people my age missed the bus?

[aleecya]

I am single and 32. I don't feel weird... I have not met the right person. Many people in this world are just glad to have someone no matter if they are good for them, a good person, or a dead beat. I refuse to settle for a dead beat just so I can say this is my boy friend. I have friends that have disastrous relationships with men that have been incarcerated and cannot keep a job or men that just does not want to work and they want to live off the women in their lives.
I refuse to settle for less then I deserve. I work hard for what I have and until I met someone that has goals that are closely aligned with mine, I will be single.

[Currency Pair Crocodile]

TVandSportsGuy

[si33]

Neat thread..and one i think should draw lots of thoughts..anyhow,

I completely understand your situation..Im currently 34 and have been single for the past two years, roughly since returning back here to CA. and by choice..and am getting ready to move to where i want to be..because i am very tired of this state..thats a whole different topic lol..

As for my feelings about the recent lack of a dating life,..Im pretty comfortable with it..I mean of course i still love women, and do want to have a family..but, for one, every single woman i met when i first moved back here had some sort of issue or was extremely needy..and im way past attempting to play rescuer..

In this time, while ive been getting everything in order..and getting ready to move,..i have enjoyed the chance to really get to know myself and further cement in my mind the place where i know exactly what i desire out of life and the future relationship which will happen. There is an old saying that implies that a man..or woman who isn't afraid of being by themselves is someone who is ready to love another..and that a person can only develop strength by becoming strong within their own..and while i totally intend to get back out on the market once i get settled in Tampa,..i no longer have to feel uneasy about say taking a weekend and driving down to Miami..by myself..i will be where i want to be and will have taken the next step into my future..

About the only thing which i can admit that ive missed is having someone along when taking a road trip some night under starry skies..or someone to watch a lightning storm with..Then again, we haven't had any so thats not really a problem lol...

I think that those people who would comment that someone, who has taken a vacation from the dating thing, is missing out.. are too afraid of hanging out with themselves for a second.. and in my case, Thats the kind of woman i would run from..because i don't need some one around 24 7, everywhere i go..sometimes a person needs me time..and that is not a selfish thing to ask for..Sometimes, its necessary to let a couple busses pass before jumping on one..life is full of them

[mjohnson4381]

Right! I agree completely. A lot of girls I know feel sorry for me because I'm an old, unmarried spinster at 28. And, at the same time, I'm feeling sorry for them because the guys they hooked up with are, umm, losers. And, had they not felt that hooking up with someone before the age of 25 was a requirement, they might not even be with whoever it was that they chose to be with.

But, at the same time, there's a little, tiny insecure part of me that wonders if I'm just saying that to make me feel better about the way my life has played out. I've never been good at dating or any of that stuff. Maybe this is my way of rebelling against that.

Si33, I think you hit the nail on the head. We all need to figure ourselves out and have plenty of "me time" before we worry about getting involved with other people.

[homlish560]

34, Single, and lovin' it!!!!!!!!

No regrets about being un-married.

[Jason28]

I'm 29 and single.

[si33]

YES!!..exactly!!..

I mean how else can you even begin to understand another person if you don't have a clue about yourself??..you can't, period..

Yes there are people who got lucky enough to successfully marry at younger ages..but in the majority of cases, as you stated, your friends ended up with less then desirable characters..

I know that had i "settled" for some of my past exes.. including one who really stands out..id be divorced at least once by now. i had alot to learn and none of my exes, no matter how beautiful, or smart, or down to earth could teach me the things i had to learn on my own..

I remember going out on a date with this girl id met online shortly after moving back here.. while id never thought id attempt this, i said ayh,what the heck, doesn't hurt to give it a chance.. besides,She seemed alright but upon meeting her, i knew it wasn't going anywhere and not simply because she wasn't a total knock out..her teeth did scare me though lol

I remember playing pool at some point during the date and her getting upset that i was winning..and i really wasn't trying to..anyhow, she went around the table removing the balls and said" lets do something else"..That was a total red flag..as was her eagerly revealing that she "loves" to give her boyfriends ora*..but not some random guy she had slept with..or swung with..yep, she shared that also, all on our two hour date..quite a colorful evening..which spelled out "desperate" and very unstable.. it was after that that i said.."thats it for awhile...time for some introspection"

Now, had i been the type who "has" to have someone, ..i would have proceeded to move onto the next date..Instead, i let her down easy the next day...

In this time, ive gotten to refine my detecting skills, and put them to test a few times..each time saying "thank god i didn't ask x woman out"..

I think too many people are terrified of what they might see if they did take time to get acquainted with themselves..which is pretty sad..but changeable..Its all about having the almonds to put yourself to the test..Again, id be a totally different man had i not had times of alone time..I mean sure, in the same basic person..just put together better..if you will..

As far as rebelling,..id doubt that you are..no matter what you have delt with dating -wise or personally, you are doing what, like you said, many other people should do before really getting serious about someone..and when i hear someone just turning 21 say that they'd dred reaching 30..i have to laugh because life just begins when you reach that mile marker..I personally find a woman who has taken time to herself much more attractive then the girl who always has to have a boyfriend...why??..because the woman who has spent time with herself is probably quite acquainted with herself and has her own interests..things i might not which she can enjoy without me constantly there beside. ...let alone express clearly exactly how she deserves to be treated.. and not back down if i ever was to abuse or take advantage of that..And on a more personal level, she won't be afraid to direct me in a better direction then where i might be trying to head..if you get the hint..

No one is ever "good" at this dating game..experience builds accomplishment,, even the experiences experienced alone..all lead to mastering the healm of your ship..

[temptation001]

I'm 30, and I enjoy dating. I don't sleep with men I'm not friends with for a while first. I'm not a sl*t, I am not promiscous. I enjoy meeting guys that I have compatibilities with. Due to external circumstances, last year I had 3 boyfriends. This year I had my heart broken. But I'm not closing myself off to new possibilities, though I am taking a short emotional break for now since the last relationship I had took a lot out of me. I don't do FWB. I consider a relationship to be something that could last forever, so I don't mess around when I see there's no chemistry. If a guy wants to go too fast, I usually ignore him and go my own way. Theres plenty of men that will go at my pace, so I don't worry about the rest. I live as I choose, and don't worry what the people who want to get me married say. People know my lifestyle and they know that marriage isn't one of my priorities in life, though having a good mate is. I don't think I'm old, nor do I feel old in any way. Some people have everlasting youth because they live life the way they want, instead of worrying about others. Its good to be by yourself if you have to.

[Pencapchew80]

To the OP:
I'd say don't feel weird about it. I am in the same boat at 29. It can be difficult as most of my friends are married or in relationships. You're not alone in your sentiment here!