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My wife is extremely independant. Sure that can be a good thing I guess. But it sure is not in our relationship. She needs me for nothing. Doesn't even pretend to.
She is a rock. Never needs my shoulder to lean on. Heck I'd say cry, but that never happens.
Doesn't need me for sex. IMO, she could go the rest of her life w/o it.
She makes a lot more money than I do. She is pretty high up in business, and I own a small landscape company.
I'm a guy, must have somewhat of an ego. She should at least pretend to need me for something.
Anyone else think it is possible for a wife to be too independant? And by no means am I saying that a woman should be under a husbands thumb.
Please don't bash me, without asking questions first.
Maybe she needs you more than you think. For some people having someone to come home to, someone nice just to be around is what they want and need.
The truth of the matter to many women like your wife (and myself) being completely independant and rather cold is the only way to get through life--people disappoint you, leave you, die whatever and you have to move on--the only way you can get through is by staying strong, aloof and know that at the end of the day the only one who is always there for you is yourself.
This is exactly how I live my life. Under what circumstance (besides emotional) do people consider a "defense" a bad thing? I don't get it. When you have been hurt once, twice, several times....how long before you are considered dumb for not protecting yourself?
If you haven't been hurt much in life, it's easier to consider someone's emotional protectiveness to be "bad."
My wife is extremely independant. Sure that can be a good thing I guess. But it sure is not in our relationship. She needs me for nothing. Doesn't even pretend to.
She is a rock. Never needs my shoulder to lean on. Heck I'd say cry, but that never happens.
Doesn't need me for sex. IMO, she could go the rest of her life w/o it.
She makes a lot more money than I do. She is pretty high up in business, and I own a small landscape company.
I'm a guy, must have somewhat of an ego. She should at least pretend to need me for something.
Anyone else think it is possible for a wife to be too independant? And by no means am I saying that a woman should be under a husbands thumb.
Please don't bash me, without asking questions first.
Im thinking that if she gave you sex more often, the rest of the things you listed would be non issues. You'd be happy.
I agree with this analysis. People who are hurt very badly tend to become quite independent as a defense mechanism. She might be afraid to be weak/needy because she doesn't want to be hurt again. She obviously loves you because she let you into her life and married you, but she's lost her way. You really need to talk to her and set this straight.
Or....she is normal.
What I hate is someone doing something and since you are right there next to something...."Can you hand that to me? Bring that to me...la la la."
My wife is extremely independant. Sure that can be a good thing I guess. But it sure is not in our relationship. She needs me for nothing. Doesn't even pretend to.
She is a rock. Never needs my shoulder to lean on. Heck I'd say cry, but that never happens.
Doesn't need me for sex. IMO, she could go the rest of her life w/o it.
She makes a lot more money than I do. She is pretty high up in business, and I own a small landscape company.
I'm a guy, must have somewhat of an ego. She should at least pretend to need me for something.
Anyone else think it is possible for a wife to be too independant? And by no means am I saying that a woman should be under a husbands thumb.
Please don't bash me, without asking questions first.
Seriously....What's the problem?
You can have my wife.
She needs everyone around her to do this and that for her. It is so dog gone annoying I could blow a gasket.
I would be into a wife swap.
You need to appreciate a woman like that. I would take that over a woman that can barely wipe her own butt cause her Daddy did EVERYTHING for her. I mean EVERYTHING.
I agree with this analysis. People who are hurt very badly tend to become quite independent as a defense mechanism. She might be afraid to be weak/needy because she doesn't want to be hurt again. She obviously loves you because she let you into her life and married you, but she's lost her way. You really need to talk to her and set this straight.
And maybe she's just a strong capable independent PERSON.
If the OP's description of his wife had been of a MAN, it would've been respected.
My wife is extremely independant. Sure that can be a good thing I guess. But it sure is not in our relationship. She needs me for nothing. Doesn't even pretend to.
She is a rock. Never needs my shoulder to lean on. Heck I'd say cry, but that never happens.
Doesn't need me for sex. IMO, she could go the rest of her life w/o it.
She makes a lot more money than I do. She is pretty high up in business, and I own a small landscape company.
I'm a guy, must have somewhat of an ego. She should at least pretend to need me for something.
Anyone else think it is possible for a wife to be too independant? And by no means am I saying that a woman should be under a husbands thumb.
Please don't bash me, without asking questions first.
Others are right when they say that it's a defense mechanism. I understand it since I'm like that in some ways. It's not easy living with that mistrust of others and feeling as if you need to be "on guard" all the time. For some, that independance is a way of saying "See, I'm strong and you can't hurt me."
When a person learns from a very young age that they can't count on others, even the most important people in their lives, it hurts more than you can understand. Those who were fortunate enough to have close, supportive relationships with family and friends have a hard time understanding this.
Imagine being ignored or neglected by those who were important to you. It didn't have to be intentional to have to same end result. You grow to expect that from others although you don't like feeling that way. When you expect to be let down, you feel compelled to stand on your own two feet and strive harder to achieve independance. Words can't adequately describe how hard it is to feel like you are alone and that there is no one you can count on. It is a very painful feeling.
Folks who come across as needing nobody are really the neediest ones of all. They just don't want anyone to know how much they really need someone. They are desperately afraid of being disappointed yet again. They also don't always have the tools that they need to communicate this without appearing desperate, so they withdraw into themselves more. Often, these are very emotionally sensitive people but they don't want you to know it. They are afraid of someone using their sensitivity against them.
The saddest part of this is that by coming across as needing nobody else, you end up driving away the very people that you want with you.
The only words of wisdom I can offer is that you should try and open a dialogue with your wife. Lay it out on the table and encourage her to talk about it. You may be surprised by what you learn.
This is too funny, if a woman allows herself to be dependent on a man she's a gold digger. If she stands on her own two feet, she's "too independent". Do you want her to be something she's not? WHy should your wife make herself weak or vulnerable so you can feel like a man? Why don't you try a little independence?
It's possible no probable that she's been hurt deeply and figured out like a lot of us that the only person she can rely on is herself. So she does. It's great for her but really hard on relationships. Women like that are damaged and they need ALOT of patience to let someone in. When you've been hurt one too many times you defend yourself like a lioness and one way is to become as I call it pathologically independant. I'm that woman. What it means is that she really truly wants or needs a partner but she's pretty much terrified to give up control and let someone support her emotionally. It's very scary when you only know rejection to let someone see your need or weakness. You know from experience that letting someone in sets you up for being taken advantage of. Imagine for yourself how you as a man would protect yourself when all you've ever known are people who see even the slightest affection/ need as weakness and jump in to exploit it? You'd protect yourself too.That being said with a lot of patience you can break through in most cases. There are some a very small minority where you can't fix what is broken and sadly if you keep trying you lose yourself in the process. Don't do that. In most cases though if you are willing to allow her to see your softness she will be encouraged to show you hers and if you are patient and accepting she will give you more. However if your need is a needy woman she will never be that and it's better to move on than to live in frustration trying to change someone who doesn't want to change.
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It depends on the situation
