When someone becomes attacking or insulting, why do some blame the "victim" for becoming defensive?

[Little Mizz Pittsburgh]

Originally Posted by LaoTzuMindFu

I have a totally different viewpoint on this. This is a PUBLIC Forum. Hence, there will be people here with different backgrounds and different views than I have and there may be times where disagreements may happen. But I think its ridiculous to come to a public discussion forum and choose to ignore people who may have views different than mine.

I operate from the viewpoint that even though we are different, there is something that can be learned from any and everyone. THAT my friend, is how people learn and grow. Not by ignoring others, but by engaging them on their views and beliefs and a civil and adult manner. If you want to ignore someone, then maybe a public discussion forum is not for you.

You really take public forums seriously, huh? I really wasn't giving advice on how to deal with posting on a PUBLIC forum ...the advice I gave was moreso on how to deal with people in real life situations. If you read the original post, the poster wasn't solely talking about on-line forums.

I'm thinking right now of trolls in online forums; hecklers, the real-time equivalent at performances or open mics; or students who like to bait their teachers. What is the appropriate response, in your view or experience?

[LaoTzuMindFu]

Originally Posted by Little Mizz Pittsburgh

You really take public forums seriously, huh? I really wasn't giving advice on how to deal with posting on a PUBLIC forum ...the advice I gave was moreso on how to deal with people in real life situations. If you read the original post, the poster wasn't solely talking about on-line forums.

I take all communication with people seriously. Obviously, things are handled differently in real life than on internet forums. Attacks or insults that are purposely aimed at someone with the goal of getting a rise out of them or angering them should always be handled differently in person. Many times, those who are the antagonist do so with hopes of possible physical altercation. That of course cannot happen online, but in real life, those types of people (lower class criminal record having types Im sure) sometimes live for things like that.

[Little Mizz Pittsburgh]

Originally Posted by LaoTzuMindFu

I take all communication with people seriously. Obviously, things are handled differently in real life than on internet forums. Attacks or insults that are purposely aimed at someone with the goal of getting a rise out of them or angering them should always be handled differently in person. Many times, those who are the antagonist do so with hopes of possible physical altercation. That of course cannot happen online, but in real life, those types of people (lower class criminal record having types Im sure) sometimes live for things like that.

Not necessarily. I've ran across some REAL pieces of work before, particularly, at work, and these people are far from lower class or criminal record having or else they wouldn't be working where I work/used to work at. And, it doesn't necessarily have to mean they like to be that way in hopes of physical altercation, either. Some people, who are like that, just crave attention.....so its best to just ignore them or when you've finally had it up to HERE, just tell them off...

[artsyguy]

When two people are at each others nerves and are bickering and attacking then its best not to take sides or get involved. Sometimes they deserve each other for a while and can sort it out on their own. Sometimes it really does work for the best. People blow off steam at each other once in a while and you have to let them do it. The only times when it is totally wrong is when the bully has more power and opportunity over the other. Then it's not a fair fight.

[PassTheChocolate]

Originally Posted by artsyguy

When two people are at each others nerves and are bickering and attacking then its best not to take sides or get involved. Sometimes they deserve each other for a while and can sort it out on their own. Sometimes it really does work for the best. People blow off steam at each other once in a while and you have to let them do it. The only times when it is totally wrong is when the bully has more power and opportunity over the other. Then it's not a fair fight.

That's when you kick 'em in the jimmy and give 'em raspberries.

[Northside904]

This reminds me of people who, when someone objects to their offensive behavior, they attack the person with comments like "Can't you take a joke" "you're too sensitive" "get a thicker skin" "You don't have a sense of humor" "Stop being such a whiner" "Quit your bitching"
rather than taking responsibility for their own behavior
it is verbal abuse

It's not verbal abuse, it's stupidity on their part.

when i confront them, or say something smug back (i try not to do this though), the person is offended that i had the nerve to react to what they said or did.

They're so full of caca it's not even funny. People like that have eaten too many boxes of stupid for breakfast.