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Old 07-23-2009, 11:09 PM
 
Location: Texas
8,064 posts, read 17,950,045 times
Reputation: 3729

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Quote:
Originally Posted by WestCobb View Post
Trust me, I'm not trying to create drama teatime. You don't know my wife. This would definitely *not* create drama, because her reaction to it would not be dramatic. She has a very keen and compassionate understanding of human nature. If I thought there was any chance that this would stir anything up, I would definitely not tell .. I'm just curious if this is something she'd want to know .. judging from the early posts, I'm guessing ... NO!
That's good. I'm wondering why the dude's brother felt the need to bring this up again? It's gossip, at this point, and can be hurtful.
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Old 07-23-2009, 11:12 PM
 
3,731 posts, read 12,350,334 times
Reputation: 6854
Quote:
Originally Posted by WestCobb View Post
Trust me, I'm not trying to create drama teatime. You don't know my wife. This would definitely *not* create drama, because her reaction to it would not be dramatic. She has a very keen and compassionate understanding of human nature. If I thought there was any chance that this would stir anything up, I would definitely not tell .. I'm just curious if this is something she'd want to know .. judging from the early posts, I'm guessing ... NO!
Its not really about your wife as much as its about your mother-in-law. Since she knew about it but didn't share it with her daughter, I have a feeling that if you told your wife and she let it slip to ANYONE that your mother in law would feel shamed. Would you want to do that to her? - the innocent party in the affair? Please - let her keep her dignity and let "sleeping dogs lay". Don't say a word to anyone!
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Old 07-23-2009, 11:14 PM
 
Location: In my skin
9,230 posts, read 16,492,192 times
Reputation: 9174
Quote:
Originally Posted by Va-Cat View Post
Its not really about your wife as much as its about your mother-in-law. Since she knew about it but didn't share it with her daughter, I have a feeling that if you told your wife and she let it slip to ANYONE that your mother in law would feel shamed. Would you want to do that to her? - the innocent party in the affair? Please - let her keep her dignity and let "sleeping dogs lay". Don't say a word to anyone!
That's a really good point, but a tough call. I'd feel bad if I didn't tell my SO. I don't think it's fair that I know something about his parents that he doesn't.
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Old 07-23-2009, 11:14 PM
 
Location: Tucson
42,831 posts, read 87,925,185 times
Reputation: 22814
Quote:
Originally Posted by Va-Cat View Post
Its not really about your wife as much as its about your mother-in-law. Since she knew about it but didn't share it with her daughter, I have a feeling that if you told your wife and she let it slip to ANYONE that your mother in law would feel shamed. Would you want to do that to her? - the innocent party in the affair? Please - let her keep her dignity and let "sleeping dogs lay". Don't say a word to anyone!
That's also a very good point!
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Old 07-23-2009, 11:15 PM
 
12,998 posts, read 13,580,717 times
Reputation: 11187
Quote:
Originally Posted by teatime View Post
Edit: OK, I reread it and I think I'm confused. Did the father-in-law AND brother-in-law have affairs or was it just the father-in-law? It isn't clear if the brother-in-law was talking about himself or his brother. Don't know why the brother-in-law would be dredging this up but I still don't think he'd want you blabbing it to your wife and creating a big family crisis. If her parents are OK now and stable why on Earth would you want to force them to re-visit it all with their kids? That sounds really cruel.
Tea, we're talking about my father-in-law, not his brother. His brother told me (not to be malicious .. he just has a big mouth sometimes .. I think he assumed I already knew because he thought I read it between the lines when it happened .. well, I didn't. I wasn't around much when this happened, but there were some questions in my mind and my wife's about why dad suddenly quit a good job and he and mom seemed to be fighting .. something they rarely do.)

I can tell you right now with certainity if I told my wife it would not go anywhere from there. I'm just racking my head trying to figure out if she would feel betrayed by me for not telling her .. she does not appreciate being treated like a child. She's a big girl, and she can handle adult information like one ... still, wow ... this is her dad. I'm thinking I shouldn't tell her, but that somehow feels wrong too .. telling and not telling both seem wrong. I wish I could just forget this.
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Old 07-23-2009, 11:16 PM
 
Location: Tucson
42,831 posts, read 87,925,185 times
Reputation: 22814
Quote:
Originally Posted by PassTheChocolate View Post
That's a really good point, but a tough call. I'd feel bad if I didn't tell my SO. I don't think it's fair that I know something about his parents that he doesn't.
I'd bet that wouldn't be the only secret you wouldn't tell your SO... Honesty and unnecessary full disclosure are two different things.
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Old 07-23-2009, 11:17 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,218 posts, read 100,322,300 times
Reputation: 40194
Quote:
Originally Posted by WestCobb View Post
Tea, we're talking about my father-in-law, not his brother. His brother told me (not to be malicious .. he just has a big mouth sometimes .. I think he assumed I already knew because he thought I read it between the lines when it happened .. well, I didn't. I wasn't around much when this happened, but there were some questions in my mind and my wife's about why dad suddenly quit a good job and he and mom seemed to be fighting .. something they rarely do.)

I can tell you right now with certainity if I told my wife it would not go anywhere from there. I'm just racking my head trying to figure out if she would feel betrayed by me for not telling her .. she does not appreciate being treated like a child. She's a big girl, and she can handle adult information like one ... still, wow ... this is her dad. I'm thinking I shouldn't tell her, but that somehow feels wrong too .. telling and not telling both seem wrong.

I wish I could just forget this.

Then do it!

Did you read what VA-cat wrote??? Don't you think if your wife's mother didn't confide in her that she does not want this info to be known?? She is the innocent person who was hurt by his actions - leave her with her dignity.
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Old 07-23-2009, 11:17 PM
 
Location: Chicagoland
41,325 posts, read 44,790,692 times
Reputation: 7118
Quote:
Here's the thing .. I am very tempted to tell my wife about this.
Don't do it. It appears you learned of the incident quite by accident/slip of the tongue.

If they had wanted their children to know, they would have told them.

Just forget you ever knew about it.

If your wife finds out in the future, do not admit you knew - and didn't tell her.
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Old 07-23-2009, 11:18 PM
 
Location: In my skin
9,230 posts, read 16,492,192 times
Reputation: 9174
Quote:
Originally Posted by sierraAZ View Post
I'd bet that wouldn't be the only secret you wouldn't tell your SO... Honesty and unnecessary full disclosure are two different things.
I'm pretty tight lipped about other people's business. But this would nag at me for sure.
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Old 07-23-2009, 11:21 PM
 
Location: Texas
8,064 posts, read 17,950,045 times
Reputation: 3729
WestCobb,
I truly believe that adult children shouldn't be privy to their parents' sex lives. It's really none of their business. I STILL can't get out of my head the fact that my mom told me she didn't sleep with my dad for many years and that she only married him because all of the other eligible men in her neighborhood had gone off to WWII. My dad didn't pass the physical.

I HATE knowing this and there's no reason why I SHOULD know it. Both of my parents are now dead and I'm left with these sad thoughts about their relationship. It stinks. PLEASE do not do this to your wife.
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