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Sounds more like a 'control' issue, not a healthy one.
I agree with this. I don't like the way he handled this and, frankly, find it very telling. His position was "my way or the highway." His incredulous response to your polite demurring on the week long invite was off base and inconsiderate. What's more, he refused to accept that an entire week was too much for you. The correct response would have been: "Sure, if a weekend works best for you, that sounds great. Please know that you're welcome to stay longer, but I understand if you need to return." In other words, he should not have cornered you but made you comfortable. And his response of "I can't believe you" and then going home early because you didn't do what he wanted is, again, a damning clue. Sounds to me like his polite game face came off for moment and one could see a man who may be controlling, unwilling to compromise, and short tempered.
In response, I don't want to make excuses. If I make one now, I'll have to keep making them down the road. I want him to remember what we discussed when we started out, without me having to deal with the discomfort of reminding him when he acts shocked that I am living up to what we discussed.
He wants me to stay with him at his home.
I really don't think it's the "arrangement" mentality kicking in. It's because he can have anyone he wants that I wondered why he was ever on the site to begin with. He said the reason he responded to my ad was because I wasn't seeking an arrangement. I specifically stated in my response to him the first time that I was not interested in the entitlement/obligation dynamic that was typical of these relationships. And I more than made it clear that I wasn't looking for something too involved. He said he was looking for the same thing and he liked the idea of something long distance because it kept things simple.
I do think that he has become more attached than he anticipated. It happens in all kinds of situations - like the FWB. You spend enough time with someone and you grow to care more than you thought you would.
He just called again as I was typing this....lol. I didn't answer, but he left a message apologizing for his reaction. He says he hopes he didn't scare me away. And he's still in town. I dunno what to do. My gut is telling me to give this a break for a bit.
I just got off the phone with him. He said he was disappointed with the response I gave him, thinking I was just as eager to spend time with him. He said he is falling hard and didn't realize until that moment; it caught him off guard. He apologized again for acting like a "spoiled teenager". I told him it was fine, but I think we should call it a day. He was really bummed. He wants me to meet with him later to talk it over.
I just can't handle people who have poor impulse control. They don't think things through or past their own little bubble and villify everyone outside of it. That deal of going off first and apologizing later is not sexy.
I really don't think it's the "arrangement" mentality kicking in. It's because he can have anyone he wants that I wondered why he was ever on the site to begin with. He said the reason he responded to my ad was because I wasn't seeking an arrangement. I specifically stated in my response to him the first time that I was not interested in the entitlement/obligation dynamic that was typical of these relationships. And I more than made it clear that I wasn't looking for something too involved. He said he was looking for the same thing and he liked the idea of something long distance because it kept things simple.
PTC, I think you're a smart woman and quite funny, I've enjoyed reading your posts. I'm sure you'd be a great catch for someone guy, if of course you wanted to be a "catch".
That being said...
If you meet a guy off of a website like seekingarrangesment.com you surely have to know what the deal is? I mean I pull up the website and it makes no bones about what the deal is. I'm not judging I'm just saying.
I consider myself a half way decent guy, I respect women, yet I'm not a bible thumping prude either. There is no way, shape of form, that a man who respects women is going to go to a site like that. He may say all of the right things but at the end of the day he's just looking for some commitment free sex and on his terms. Again, not judging, people are all adults that can do whatever they want.
I, for the life of me can't understand how you can't see that he's just viewing you as a commodity.
PTC, I think you're a smart woman and quite funny, I've enjoyed reading your posts. I'm sure you'd be a great catch for someone guy, if of course you wanted to be a "catch".
That being said...
If you meet a guy off of a website like seekingarrangesment.com you surely have to know what the deal is? I mean I pull up the website and it makes no bones about what the deal is. I'm not judging I'm just saying.
I consider myself a half way decent guy, I respect women, yet I'm not a bible thumping prude either. There is no way, shape of form, that a man who respects women is going to go to a site like that. He may say all of the right things but at the end of the day he's just looking for some commitment free sex and on his terms. Again, not judging, people are all adults that can do whatever they want.
I, for the life of me can't understand how you can't see that he's just viewing you as a commodity.
But if it works out, that's cool too.
I do see what's on the site, that was a risk I knew I was taking. But I also know it isn't always a shallow, transactional relationship that people there are seeking. I believed that before, but now that I have been there, I know this to be true. Still, I understand why you'd see it that way and it has crossed my mind. But it's just not computing, especially after our conversation today.
If a commodity is what he wants, he could have found plenty who were willing to be just that. Even now that I have told him that I'm no longer interested, he still wants to be with me. I think I have a lot to offer, but not in that regard. He could easily have someone younger (I'm 40), more attractive and fit, willing to be his beck and call girl. He is everything a gal, and a sugarbabe, could want; charming, wealthy, gentlemanly, witty....up until this, I couldn't find anything wrong with him. So, I dunno, I just don't see it.
If you meet a guy off of a website like seekingarrangesment.com you surely have to know what the deal is? I mean I pull up the website and it makes no bones about what the deal is. I'm not judging I'm just saying.
I just checked out this website, too (as most of them, it lets you click on a few profiles before kicking you out). I find it mighty strange... Many of the men are youngish and pretty good-looking. They'll do OK in any bar even if they weren't wealthy (which is something nobody knows for a fact anyway, of course). They also don't have the laundry list of "requirements" any Joe Doe has on any regular dating site. There aren't even such fields. Out of the 5 or 6 I was able to view, only one even mentioned age bracket... Granted, that kind of goes without saying, but it's still odd. I suppose the idea here is doing your own weeding out without much preliminary screening. I have the feeling some of them might be pimps, though.
Well heck...I had to go do the same. It does seem very odd. Most of these guys (there are exceptions) are veritable stud muffins. For such wealthy men wanting relatively "shallow" relationships, it's interesting that they would need this sort of venue to find what they want.
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It does seem very odd. Most of these guys (there are exceptions) are veritable stud muffins. For such wealthy men wanting relatively "shallow" relationships, it's interesting that they would need this sort of venue to find what they want.
