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Old 08-01-2009, 07:11 PM
 
Location: Some place very cold
5,503 posts, read 13,243,380 times
Reputation: 3887
Quote:
Originally Posted by max's mama View Post
Holy smokes, are you sure your ex wasn't a woman? Seemed like he was using all the tricks in the book a woman might use. Here goes a stereotype out of the window, huh?

Lack of sex is one of the primary reasons a partner is driven to cheat. Sex is so important, people don't give this enough importance, really. It's physiological need that is not being met, when a partner is not getting the quantity AND the quality of sex he or she wants.
I think that is because sex is so indicative of other things. If the relationship is good, the sex is good. If the relationship is not good and there are smoldering feelings of resentment and anger, the sex is bad.

Sex is nothing if a window into the relationship. It is also often the case that the one who withholds is the one with the power.

Games people play!
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Old 08-02-2009, 11:54 AM
 
7,309 posts, read 7,784,640 times
Reputation: 5994
Redisca,

I believe there's such a thing as emotional cheating. People have all kinds of needs, not just sexual, that they expect only their partner to fulfill. If they're going to someone else to have those needs fulfilled, then I think it qualifies as a type of infidelity.

I do agree, however, that there's no such thing as a purely physical affair since doing so requires that you detach yourself from your feelings. If you can temporarily ignore your feelings for your partner, then that speaks volumes about how you really feel about them.

I also agree that men can't keep using testosterone as an excuse. We're all subjected to temptation everyday. And for every man who can't resist, there's one who can. For it to truly qualify as a lack of control, a man would be having intercourse with a lover and his wife walked in and he didn't stop despite the fact that his wife is there. Obviously, that would never happen. Unless you're a sex addict, you can't use that excuse.

teatime,

Even Americans don't all have the same concept of marriage. While our individual notion of marriage is shaped by our culture, it's also a product of our upbringing. The kind of household you grew up in has a huge influence. But the idea that one can't find a successful marriage to emulate is laughable. Despite the high divorce rate, it's not hard to find people who have good marriages. If anything, they stand out more. My parents have been together for almost 40 years. I have friends who've been together for over 10 years. If you can't find even one good example of a successful marriage, then you're looking in the wrong places.

Woof Woof Woof!,

You haven't offered any truth. You've just offered opinion. Declaring it truth doesn't make it so.
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Old 08-02-2009, 12:05 PM
 
2,176 posts, read 4,246,099 times
Reputation: 1203
Quote:
Originally Posted by DennyCrane View Post
it's not hard to find people who have good marriages. If anything, they stand out more. My parents have been together for almost 40 years. I have friends who've been together for over 10 years. If you can't find even one good example of a successful marriage, then you're looking in the wrong places.
Staying together doesn't at all mean that it's a successful marriage...Some of the marriages I thought we're good were apparently terrible. A few couples that stick out, would "put on quite a show" in public. Later found out the guy got arrested for domestic beatings. Neighbors claim they could hear the beatings happened at least once a month for the past two years. Neighbors didn't want to get involved (a separate discussion).
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Old 08-02-2009, 12:13 PM
 
Location: Florida
7,250 posts, read 6,284,681 times
Reputation: 5905
Quote:
Originally Posted by Woof Woof Woof! View Post
A man can have a mistress and a wife. Both women serve different purposes. One is the hearth and the home, the other provides passion and sex. In many societies, a wife will actually hand pick a mistress to make sure her husband stays happy. The one who does this is a smart woman!

The mistress keeps the man happy and fulfilled so that he can be a better and more committed husband and father as well as more successful in business.

It is a shame that our society gets so confused about this and keeps calling it "cheating."

If you are the mistress to the right man, he will love you and work very hard to make you happy so that you make him happy, too!

Smart woman? No, IMO, it is called a "defeated woman."

I suspect by some of what you have written here based on your own personal experiences/hurts/neglect - and what I have seen you write in other threads on your 'promotion' of infidelity, that you, yourself, are a 'defeated' woman' with the "if you can't beat 'em, join 'em" mindset. In addition, you speak quite knowledgeably as one who was/is a Mistress.

You appear very unraveled in this regard.
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Old 08-02-2009, 02:29 PM
 
11,001 posts, read 6,598,519 times
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There is no honor in being the mistress.

Being the mistress means that you couldn't make it to wife. A mistress will always rank low, not high.
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Old 08-02-2009, 02:49 PM
 
Location: Texas
8,063 posts, read 10,997,815 times
Reputation: 3523
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheJagMan View Post
Staying together doesn't at all mean that it's a successful marriage...Some of the marriages I thought we're good were apparently terrible. A few couples that stick out, would "put on quite a show" in public. Later found out the guy got arrested for domestic beatings. Neighbors claim they could hear the beatings happened at least once a month for the past two years. Neighbors didn't want to get involved (a separate discussion).
Exactly right!!! My parents "stayed together" until death parted them but it wasn't a good marriage.

And EVERY TIME I think that friends have great marriages -- because they seem to on the outside -- I come to find out that one of them is looking the other way on his or her spouse's affairs. Geez, the latest one found out when a legal server brought court paternity papers to her home for her husband! He had an almost year old kid with another woman and never told her!

Nowadays, all of my friends are divorced ladies. And, boy, do they have stories to tell. None of them wants to marry again.

I have a feeling that Denny Crane is young and idealistic, bless him.
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Old 08-02-2009, 02:53 PM
 
Location: Texas
8,063 posts, read 10,997,815 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by temptation001 View Post
There is no honor in being the mistress.

Being the mistress means that you couldn't make it to wife. A mistress will always rank low, not high.
Um, do remember that some women such as myself don't WANT to be wives. Please don't act as if that's the end all, be all. It would take an incredibly special and patient man to convince me to take a huge chance on marriage. I love men -- I really do -- but I've never met one I'd be willing to risk my quiet, pleasant, no-drama lifestyle on. I think it's better to enjoy spending time with them and have them go home.

Oh, and, no, that doesn't mean I've ever been a mistress. I haven't.
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Old 08-02-2009, 03:07 PM
 
11,001 posts, read 6,598,519 times
Reputation: 8234
Quote:
Originally Posted by teatime View Post
Um, do remember that some women such as myself don't WANT to be wives. Please don't act as if that's the end all, be all. It would take an incredibly special and patient man to convince me to take a huge chance on marriage. I love men -- I really do -- but I've never met one I'd be willing to risk my quiet, pleasant, no-drama lifestyle on. I think it's better to enjoy spending time with them and have them go home.

Oh, and, no, that doesn't mean I've ever been a mistress. I haven't.

I was talking exclusively of mistresses that share a man. Not a woman who is dating a non-married man.
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Old 08-02-2009, 03:20 PM
 
7,309 posts, read 7,784,640 times
Reputation: 5994
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheJagMan View Post
Staying together doesn't at all mean that it's a successful marriage...Some of the marriages I thought we're good were apparently terrible. A few couples that stick out, would "put on quite a show" in public.
I agree that you can't tell how strong a marriage is just because it's lasted. The point, though, is we always hear about the bad marriages which tends to skew our perceptions. It's sort of like turning on the evening news and hearing about yet another shooting. If that's all you hear, you're liable to think it's unsafe to even leave the house.

Quote:
Originally Posted by teatime View Post
I have a feeling that Denny Crane is young and idealistic, bless him.
I'm neither. I'm in my mid 30s and am a lot more jaded than I was when I was in my 20s. But whatever cynicism I have has to do with people, not relationships. Each relationship is unique and it's only as strong as the people in it. I don't care if the failure rate for marriage was 95%. It still wouldn't cause me to declare marriage to be a flawed concept. It would only reinforce my opinion that most people aren't cut out for it, either because they're choosing the wrong partners or because their personality just makes them unsuited for marriage. I go back to my original example about dieting. 95% fail at it. But 5% succeed. Those are the people worth seeking out and learning from. Same with marriage. Look at the ones who made it work and are happy. See what they did or if there's something unique about them.
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Old 08-02-2009, 03:21 PM
 
Location: Texas
8,063 posts, read 10,997,815 times
Reputation: 3523
Quote:
Originally Posted by temptation001 View Post
I was talking exclusively of mistresses that share a man. Not a woman who is dating a non-married man.
Well, I'm sure that there are a lot of mistresses who don't want to get married, either, and probably for the same reasons I don't. So, to say they simply haven't "ascended" to being a wife isn't correct. I don't know why they choose to be involved with married men, but they do because it works for them, for whatever reason.

It's not as if getting married is some great feat. My God, I know someone who's 300 pounds and has maybe three teeth and she's married! People choose what they do for reasons only relevant to themselves -- you can't make generalizations.
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