U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 1.5 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Jump to a detailed profile or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Business Search - 14 Million verified businesses
Search for:  near: 
 
Old 04-10-2010, 12:35 PM
 
12,348 posts, read 7,541,310 times
Reputation: 4538
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler View Post
You can drop that one. Did you miss the part about my ex fiance cheating on me and passing me an STD that killed our baby and nearly killed me? Even though that happened, I do not assume all men are cheats nor would I demand any man in my life prove he isn't. My ex was a jerk. I try to stay away from jerks.

You are ASSuming that becuase one woman cheated, they all will and you've decided to treat them all like lying, cheating, ho's. That is illogical and will result in you ending up alone and lonely.

Hi Ivorytickler,

You make assumptions. I am married with children. I think lying cheating "hos" are a minority. Why do you keep making this straw man? Its just that some of them are good liars. Most people will not abuse knowing your social security number either. So why don't you pm it to me now? If you don't, then it means you assume I am a criminal? You can spend years with a sociopath and they can fool anyone. I would reveal anything my wife would ask of me because I know there are people who can act just like me.


Sorry about the jerk. I mean really sorry. What an SOB. The risk of STD is the most offensive part about cheating. They are willing to expose their partners to that kind of thing just to get off. I am glad you made it through.

 
Old 04-10-2010, 12:44 PM
 
12,348 posts, read 7,541,310 times
Reputation: 4538
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler View Post

That's a great story. The guys I really feel sorry for aren't the ones who get burned on child support payments (I'm sorry but if you're bonded to a child, why wouldn't you want to take care of it?) but the ones who, truely, love children that are ripped away from them because they aren't the bio dad. The flip side of him being able to get a DNA test and walk away is she can get a DNA test and take the child away.

Hi Ivorytickler,

Why do you keep bringing this up? Its not relevant to the OP. Is someone suggesting that paternity testing is to be done 5 years after the birth? Who is making this argument here? Its a straw man argument.


Though the flip side is another good point. What happens when a man bonds to a child and suddenly the real father finds out? He may very well be involved in the child's life and who knows who he is? His legal position may be that he was deceived. Again, its a mess.
 
Old 04-10-2010, 01:35 PM
Status: "Humming "Suicide is painless"" (set 14 days ago)
 
Location: Whoville....
21,256 posts, read 15,061,675 times
Reputation: 10761
Quote:
Originally Posted by gwynedd1 View Post
Hi Ivorytickler,

You make assumptions. I am married with children. I think lying cheating "hos" are a minority. Why do you keep making this straw man? Its just that some of them are good liars. Most people will not abuse knowing your social security number either. So why don't you pm it to me now? If you don't, then it means you assume I am a criminal? You can spend years with a sociopath and they can fool anyone. I would reveal anything my wife would ask of me because I know there are people who can act just like me.


Sorry about the jerk. I mean really sorry. What an SOB. The risk of STD is the most offensive part about cheating. They are willing to expose their partners to that kind of thing just to get off. I am glad you made it through.
Does your wife know you don't trust her? Sooner or later thinking that all women are lying, cheating, ho's out to get you will catch up with you.
 
Old 04-10-2010, 01:37 PM
Status: "Humming "Suicide is painless"" (set 14 days ago)
 
Location: Whoville....
21,256 posts, read 15,061,675 times
Reputation: 10761
Quote:
Originally Posted by gwynedd1 View Post
Hi Ivorytickler,

Why do you keep bringing this up? Its not relevant to the OP. Is someone suggesting that paternity testing is to be done 5 years after the birth? Who is making this argument here? Its a straw man argument.


Though the flip side is another good point. What happens when a man bonds to a child and suddenly the real father finds out? He may very well be involved in the child's life and who knows who he is? His legal position may be that he was deceived. Again, its a mess.
This is why the courts recognize legal paternity. Once you set precidence, you are the child's father.

I was answering a post about a man who got paternity tests on all three of his kids at the time of the divorce. I'm not sure what you're answering.
 
Old 04-10-2010, 01:39 PM
Status: "Humming "Suicide is painless"" (set 14 days ago)
 
Location: Whoville....
21,256 posts, read 15,061,675 times
Reputation: 10761
Quote:
Originally Posted by Braunwyn View Post
That's a very good point and one I didn't consider. Hmm, that changes the game.
This would be my fear if a baby switch happened. What happens if the "real" parents want my child? IMO, that is WAY worse than having to pay child support for a child that doesn't share my DNA. Worse for both the parent and the child.

Unfortunately, if we put the power in DNA tesing, either the mother or the father can cut the father out of the picture. In fact, if she really wanted to, she could fake the DNA results to say he's not the father and get rid of him. It wouldn't be hard to do.
 
Old 04-10-2010, 02:27 PM
 
4,838 posts, read 4,801,084 times
Reputation: 2888
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler View Post
Or better yet, don't sleep with untrustworthy women.
Perhaps Cosmo has a test we could use to weed them out.

In my opinion, however, this really is not something a man has any control over, whatsoever.

Women want 3 types of men and it is impossible to get them all at once.

They start with the attractive, bad boy type, get into a short term marriage with him, sometimes involving children.

When that ends, they need the provider type. They like his money but he bores them. Therefore, they may be reluctant to cash out via divorce, if this might result in a decline in their standard of living, so they stay in.

At that point, they desire the "love of their life" type and will cheat with him. If the provider wants children, they are happy to oblige, using the sperm of the man they are cheating with.

Paternity testing would force them to choose to be "happy with less money" and stop screwing the decent "good provider" types who are the main losers in modern marriage. Such men used to be the bedrock of society but they have been marginalized by a new marriage paradigm that either sticks them in the loser camp or forces them to stay single for their future financial health and sanity.
 
Old 04-10-2010, 02:37 PM
 
Location: Center of the universe
23,424 posts, read 18,556,916 times
Reputation: 10977
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler;13677515[B
]The only way he's turning me into a weekend mother is to prove I'm unfit to have my own children. No judge will take a baby away from it's mother without darned good reason[/b]. I've given no reason I'm not fit to raise my own children. Worst case scenario would be joint physical custody but that is very hard on children and since he couldn't nurse, they'd have been with me. There would have been no hesitation on my part to file for divorce as soon as he asked for a DNA test. I owe it to my daughters to not model staying in a relationship with a man who thinks I'm a lying ho. I would hope my daughters would grow up to have more self esteem than to settle for that.

I simply see no reason to stay with someone who has so little faith in me. I'd have to have very low self esteem to cling to a man who has, openly, declared he thinks I'm a ****.

So it's OK for men to be weekend fathers?
 
Old 04-10-2010, 02:49 PM
 
Location: Homeless
1,204 posts, read 989,488 times
Reputation: 505
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler View Post
Why the deceit? Why lie to her? Doesn't she deserve to know that you do not trust her?

Now I understand, you're not trustworthy in a realtionship so no one is, right? Because you'd sneak around behind her back and lie to her face ,you think she will too. Got it.
If I were fertile
Actually i'd let her know early in dating that any offspring born are subject to a paternity test , whether we are married or not.
That way if she is insulted by my need for verification before shelling out 18+ years of money and a lifetime of time and effort, she can get to stepping then.

Because I know there are women who would have no problem with that.
 
Old 04-10-2010, 03:10 PM
 
Location: Homeless
1,204 posts, read 989,488 times
Reputation: 505
Quote:
Originally Posted by Braunwyn View Post
To start, psych classes don't really teach that.

Your partner/mate is typically of the same caliber as you. If you are a careless person, odds are you might not know your partner and your partner probably doesn't know you, so there would be little way to tell. But, how to spot an honest person following years of intimacy? How we live our lives and go about our daily routines are typical indicators. Is your partner trustworthy/honest with the little things in life? Does s/he have convictions and live by them? Is compassion an integral part of his/her personality, life choices/decisions, and actions?

There are a lot of traits that make up the foundation of honest people. But, again, it's not as if these people are up for grabs for any tom, dick, or harry. And it's not something that can always be known off the bat. That's why a new relationship requires the STD test and nobody is offended by it or at least they shouldn't be.

I don't think it's as hard to know your partner as some people think. It requires dedication, time, and energy. Those that take the time to cultivate a mutual relationship over the years can surely spot behavioral changes that result from infidelity. Point being, you have to pay attention to your marriage. If you don't know your partner, marriage should wait.
The psych classes I took taught that.
I digress....


So you are saying that there are very few people who can show integrity about everything but cheating?
That there have to be other signs?
For some reason I am not seeing that as a general situation,
I can see it happening sometimes, but not all the time.

Because a person could be faithful and no reflect in other ways.
Seems to me you are describing the 'perfect' situation.
Based on hope more so than reason.

And all it takes is one time to create a child.

And all the dedication , time, and energy in a person's repertoire can be used and still not detect any foul play.
 
Old 04-10-2010, 03:11 PM
Status: "Humming "Suicide is painless"" (set 14 days ago)
 
Location: Whoville....
21,256 posts, read 15,061,675 times
Reputation: 10761
Quote:
Originally Posted by NotARedneck View Post
Perhaps Cosmo has a test we could use to weed them out.

In my opinion, however, this really is not something a man has any control over, whatsoever.

Women want 3 types of men and it is impossible to get them all at once.

They start with the attractive, bad boy type, get into a short term marriage with him, sometimes involving children.

When that ends, they need the provider type. They like his money but he bores them. Therefore, they may be reluctant to cash out via divorce, if this might result in a decline in their standard of living, so they stay in.

At that point, they desire the "love of their life" type and will cheat with him. If the provider wants children, they are happy to oblige, using the sperm of the man they are cheating with.

Paternity testing would force them to choose to be "happy with less money" and stop screwing the decent "good provider" types who are the main losers in modern marriage. Such men used to be the bedrock of society but they have been marginalized by a new marriage paradigm that either sticks them in the loser camp or forces them to stay single for their future financial health and sanity.
Wow, women are all cut from the same cookie cutter . This is like me saying all men want women with big boobs.

SOME teenaged girls go for the bad boy type, some go for the best friend type. It's very individual.

Paternity testing is unnecessary in most cases and, mandatory, testing would be an invasion of privacy. Hence it won't be made mandatory. Any man who insists on it is, basically, telling his partner he thinks she's a cheating, lying, ho so he's not likely to stay in a relationship long. In that case, I can see her looking for the love of her life AND taking him for everything she can get.

Fortunately, women are up to making 78 cents on the dollar. Soon we won't need you guys at all. Then we won't have to put up with men who think we're cheating, lying, ho's. Now there's a dream world if ever I saw one.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.



All times are GMT -6.

2005-2014, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25 - Top