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Old 04-10-2010, 06:37 PM
 
19,045 posts, read 25,135,237 times
Reputation: 13485

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Quote:
Originally Posted by nichirenx View Post
The uncertainty factor can flip a person.
Alas, the whole dance of love and relationships is a suckers game.
It depends on your approach. The man I was with before my husband was an interesting character- another scientist, but pretty hard nosed. He told me on one of our first dates that "we probably won't last, but you'll leave this relationship a better person and better situated". He was completely right. Our relationship included specific goals and they were met. I've found the same in my marriage. I entered the relationship with care and reason in mind over romance. The returns have been ten-fold. I have a man that loves hard to start. It's quite amazing. When my brother died a few months ago he kept me together and ran himself ragged. That's exactly the kind of thing that ensures thriving. He's a best friend and little can beat family and he's it. Also, I could not manage my property without him. There's way too much work and the type of work done in a home is out of love and commitment. Then, nobody cares about my daily troubles at work or with my ventures, who could also understand them, as my husband. He directly contributes to my sucess and I his. None of that is what I would call suckered.

 
Old 04-10-2010, 06:43 PM
 
20,591 posts, read 19,254,430 times
Reputation: 8199
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler View Post
Does your wife know you don't trust her? Sooner or later thinking that all women are lying, cheating, ho's out to get you will catch up with you.
If you make a post like that again, you will have an enemy.
 
Old 04-10-2010, 06:46 PM
 
Location: Homeless
1,203 posts, read 1,977,979 times
Reputation: 516
Quote:
Originally Posted by Braunwyn View Post
I don't understand the question with your response to it. Obviously, if a person is sacrificing and get slapped in return, people aren't going to be happy with it. That's my point.


I really don't understand these objections that are targeted at the female gender. To start, the idea that all men are dogs is a bigoted view. And yea, there are plenty of bigots out there, but it's a choice to spend time with or bed them. In turn, it's also bigoted to hold all women responsible for the problems you (general you) have relationship wise. With that in mind, it goes to show what I always say- 'birds of a feather'. And it's really personal experiences at the heart of complaints on this forum.

I find it all limiting. These guys are boxing themselves in real tight and they will get exactly what they expect, as usual with most of us.
i have seen some of both genders on here exhibit some pretty negative general views about the other gender. Even some who claim to be already in a relationship,

Its quite entertaining and sometimes fun to mess around in.
And the anonymity factor bolsters that.
Lets people come out with emotion they will not show offline.

Actually I doubt it is that limiting at all unless their protestations of lack of luck are actually true.


This is the only media that guys are going to even speak on this subject.
And after their ravings here they go back out into the world and keep dating.
 
Old 04-10-2010, 06:50 PM
 
11,865 posts, read 16,960,343 times
Reputation: 20084
I would be offended if my SO asked for a test, but I can also understand it to a degree. It would certainly challenge our relationship because there are obvious trust issues on his side if he feels he needs proof. However, I would rather he be comfortable and not have doubts about his child.
 
Old 04-10-2010, 06:51 PM
 
20,591 posts, read 19,254,430 times
Reputation: 8199
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler View Post
This is why the courts recognize legal paternity. Once you set precidence, you are the child's father.

I was answering a post about a man who got paternity tests on all three of his kids at the time of the divorce. I'm not sure what you're answering.
I have consistently stated that paternity should be established at birth to the best of our abilities. No one has suggested it should be done during a divorce that I could see. At the very least if a man finds out he is raising another man's child, he should be able to sue the man for paternity just like a mother. The mother should have done this in the first place but we know why they don't. Also I expect some men will not want to have the relationship any longer. You can't force a world view on someone.
 
Old 04-10-2010, 06:51 PM
 
Location: Homeless
1,203 posts, read 1,977,979 times
Reputation: 516
Quote:
Originally Posted by Braunwyn View Post
It depends on your approach. The man I was with before my husband was an interesting character- another scientist, but pretty hard nosed. He told me on one of our first dates that "we probably won't last, but you'll leave this relationship a better person and better situated". He was completely right. Our relationship included specific goals and they were met. I've found the same in my marriage. I entered the relationship with care and reason in mind over romance. The returns have been ten-fold. I have a man that loves hard to start. It's quite amazing. When my brother died a few months ago he kept me together and ran himself ragged. That's exactly the kind of thing that ensures thriving. He's a best friend and little can beat family and he's it. Also, I could not manage my property without him. There's way too much work and the type of work done in a home is out of love and commitment. Then, nobody cares about my daily troubles at work or with my ventures, who could also understand them, as my husband. He directly contributes to my sucess and I his. None of that is what I would call suckered.
To me suckers = vulnerability.
Which one has to trust to get to love and commitment.
As I told Ivory, relationship love is not enough of a reward for me to take a risk on it.
Maybe if i did not come from a loving family, possibly.
But thats all the emotion i need and even that stifles and suffocates me at times.
 
Old 04-10-2010, 07:04 PM
 
19,045 posts, read 25,135,237 times
Reputation: 13485
Quote:
Originally Posted by nichirenx View Post
Actually I doubt it is that limiting at all unless their protestations of lack of luck are actually true.
It's limiting in the sense that women are the goal for many of them and their poor view of women will only bring poor women. It's a cycle and they'll keep going round and round (regardless of gender).
 
Old 04-10-2010, 07:07 PM
 
19,045 posts, read 25,135,237 times
Reputation: 13485
Quote:
Originally Posted by nichirenx View Post
To me suckers = vulnerability.
Which one has to trust to get to love and commitment.
As I told Ivory, relationship love is not enough of a reward for me to take a risk on it.
Maybe if i did not come from a loving family, possibly.
But thats all the emotion i need and even that stifles and suffocates me at times.
Yea, I can understand that. It shouldn't be worth the risk for everybody since we're not carbon copies of eachother. Some people are more sensitive than others, we process events differently, etc.
 
Old 04-10-2010, 08:18 PM
 
2,949 posts, read 2,887,363 times
Reputation: 5028
Back to the first post of having the following on the birth certificate:

"Proven Father via DNA Testing"

or

"Father by Law Only. Full Responsibility Acknowledged & Accepted"

I know for a fact ALL fathers would take great pride in seeing option one beside their name on their child's birth certificate, the child they created. It is such an insignificant and stupid test. If there is no question, who cares? Speaking as a son, I'd actually love to see it on mine. Not because I don't trust my father...just for the fact that it is nice to see, set in stone in such a way that no one can question.

The saying goes, the only person you can trust is yourself. I trust my mother beyond reason. She's a sniper shot and can shoot a nickel center at 200 yards but put an apple on my head and tell her to shoot it off and 10ft...I don't think so. Why? I dunno, maybe because of the small fact the costs could effect the rest of my life

Blood tests are still mandatory before marriage in areas. I have nothing to hide so why not? Just got one a few months ago and would do it again. Now am I suppose to "trust" her if she comes back with the line "well you know I'm a virgin!" so why waist the money??? Umm...yeah, last time I checked, HIV kills...so NO, I don't trust you in this instance. Like it or not, everyone goes into marriage with black secrets. Better to be clean, safe, and actually alive then catch "death" and only "then" hear her come back with, "I was drunk...I didn't think I actually had sex with him!"

AMAZING how many women trust me! I've been a with good many and have heard, "You don't have to put a condom on" more than I care to count for one reason or another...whether it be the pill, an insert, whatever. I don't care if I've been with her for 1 month, 3 months, a year...I'm bagging it up. Only fair to my future wife...but that's just me. I guess some trust willy-nilly then when they get bit, go berserk playing the honesty card covering up the fact.

Besides death, I can't really think of anything that effects a man's life more than his own children. Seems mighty selfish to me to ask a partner of mine to "trust" me when I fully have it in my ability to settle their mind with "knowing." Especially with something that amounts to a five dollar co-pay

I'm a "knowing" type person...as are most people with nothing to hide. Financial history, FICO scores, STD tests, bad habits, compulsive disorders, whatever...I'll admit and test to it all. Look you in the eye as I hand you the results. Cool, now lets get on with life type person.

Then there are "trusting" people. Now 50% are actually honest and trusting, the other half not so much so. The funny thing is in all of this is...one can't tell them apart








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Old 04-10-2010, 09:21 PM
 
Location: Whoville....
25,386 posts, read 35,433,845 times
Reputation: 14692
Quote:
Originally Posted by gwynedd1 View Post
I have consistently stated that paternity should be established at birth to the best of our abilities. No one has suggested it should be done during a divorce that I could see. At the very least if a man finds out he is raising another man's child, he should be able to sue the man for paternity just like a mother. The mother should have done this in the first place but we know why they don't. Also I expect some men will not want to have the relationship any longer. You can't force a world view on someone.
Given that demanding a paternity test is a huge slap in the face, it's probably going to be done as part of a divorce. If he asks for it at birth then we divorce at birth. For me, there is no option to continue the relationship after he's called me a lying ho. There just isn't.

Actually, no, if a man is raising a child, he sets precident as the child's father just as I set precident by raising my daughters as their mother. I do not gain the right to sue their biological parents for support should it turn out there was a mix up at the hospital. I've already established that I am responsible for the children under my roof. That does not change if a DNA test proves they are not mine.
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