Welcome to City-Data.com Forum!
U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 08-01-2009, 08:44 PM
 
3,493 posts, read 7,901,569 times
Reputation: 7235

Advertisements

I have been married for 17 years. I recently received an out-of-the-blue phone call from a former boyfriend. He left his phone number and email address and after a week or so of thinking about it, I emailed him.

He is married with two kids as am I. Our emails border on flirty but are we both say the same things about being content with our marriages and having no desire to hurt anyone (especially our kids).

Neither of us has told our spouses about our emails. We "talk" about everything from work, to extended family, to parenting. In some ways it is a lot like my email relationships with other friends except for the past history.

Is this cheating? Should I tell my husband? I have no intention of anything more than an email friendship.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 08-01-2009, 08:46 PM
 
Location: Tennessee
16,224 posts, read 25,606,564 times
Reputation: 24104
If you don`t have anything to "hide" then yes, feel free to share with your husband. Its only the day when you feel like you need to "hide."
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-01-2009, 08:56 PM
 
Location: In my view finder.....
8,515 posts, read 16,145,772 times
Reputation: 8079
Tell your husband and cut off all communications......from the former boyfriend, not your husband.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-01-2009, 09:04 PM
 
Location: Somewhere out there...
3,663 posts, read 8,644,299 times
Reputation: 3750
Quote:
Originally Posted by pinetreelover View Post
I have been married for 17 years. I recently received an out-of-the-blue phone call from a former boyfriend. He left his phone number and email address and after a week or so of thinking about it, I emailed him.

He is married with two kids as am I. Our emails border on flirty but are we both say the same things about being content with our marriages and having no desire to hurt anyone (especially our kids).

Neither of us has told our spouses about our emails. We "talk" about everything from work, to extended family, to parenting. In some ways it is a lot like my email relationships with other friends except for the past history.

Is this cheating? Should I tell my husband? I have no intention of anything more than an email friendship.
No, don't tell. You might need him in the future.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-01-2009, 09:26 PM
 
37,478 posts, read 45,733,123 times
Reputation: 56980
This:

Quote:
Originally Posted by pinetreelover View Post
Our emails border on flirty
does not equal this:

Quote:
Originally Posted by pinetreelover View Post
I have no intention of anything more than an email friendship.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-01-2009, 09:32 PM
 
Location: Springfield
2,765 posts, read 8,305,478 times
Reputation: 1113
It's probably fascinating to talk to someone in the past, and see what they're doing. Now that both of you have children you are relating better, or maybe feeling like you are younger again. It's perfectly normal to have some feelings, after all you were in love at one time. I would just draw the line with him without saying it. After all, if he was your true love, you would have married him before this all happened.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-01-2009, 09:45 PM
 
Location: Chicagoland
41,325 posts, read 44,840,100 times
Reputation: 7118
What are you going to say if your husband finds the emails?

Tell him now that you have been in touch with the guy.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-01-2009, 09:51 PM
 
Location: somewhere south of Canada
2,163 posts, read 4,332,873 times
Reputation: 2581
Anything you have to hide from your husband, is something you shouldn't be doing in the first place. If this is really innocent communication, you have no reason to keep it from hubby.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-01-2009, 10:12 PM
 
Location: Incognito
7,005 posts, read 21,284,186 times
Reputation: 5522
This sounds too familiar. What would happen if you don't tell your husband and he later finds out by fate like I did. What then? An I'm sorry won't cut it.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-01-2009, 11:35 PM
 
1,322 posts, read 2,409,211 times
Reputation: 1473
It's not really cheating, but at the same time, it is.

First, you said the emails have been "flirty". If you caught your husband doing this, would you be offended? Be honest with yourself. Obviously, you're concerned about it, otherwise you wouldn't be asking what to do about it. If you think he would be offended, then stop emailing the ex..

Better yet, even if you don't think he would be offended, stop. One thing always leads to another - even if it is in the mind. The ex could be thinking that this is something that it's not. The husband could find it and start thinking that it's something that it's not. You might start thinking of things that, well, are better left to single people. You get my point.

Now time to face the music: Tell your husband. He trusts you. In fact, he trusts you so much that you take it for granted. Do you think that, by talking to an ex lover, you've really earned that trust right now? The bottom line, no matter how innocent the discussions are, your husband of seventeen years doesn't know about them or who they are with. If you want to keep his trust, tell him everything, and show him everything. Leave nothing for him to doubt. Then, and only then, once he knows and IF he is comfortable with the idea, carry on the friendship with the ex. If he's not comfortable with it, well, let it go. It's not worth losing seventeen years worth of time over some silly email friendship.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:


Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
Similar Threads

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2024, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Contact Us - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 - Top