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Old 08-03-2009, 02:24 PM
 
Location: Bradenton, Florida
27,237 posts, read 26,860,232 times
Reputation: 10597

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Quote:
Originally Posted by DennyCrane View Post
Why do you put up with that? I wouldn't. Who wants a friendship with someone when it's always on their terms? That's my biggest gripe with the "friend" who emailed me. She contacts me only when it suits her, but whenever I contacted her, it was hit or miss. Maybe in her mind, we're still friends. But as far as I'm concerned, she lost me as a friend months ago.
It's like I said--I never really stopped caring about her. I just don't expect us to get back together. Too many changes, too much time. I can only think of one girlfriend that I actively dislike and have issues with. The one hooked on crack. Even the one who decided she didn't want me living with her anymore and tossed me out on the street for some other guy (with a bigger paycheck)...I don't actively hate. Hate takes too much energy. Karma seems to work out pretty well for that.
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Old 08-03-2009, 02:26 PM
 
Location: Bradenton, Florida
27,237 posts, read 26,860,232 times
Reputation: 10597
Quote:
Originally Posted by Twinkle Toes View Post
That is just wrong. She needs to apologize to you.
And she doesn't understand why I'm adamant that I do NOT consider her to be a "friend"...
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Old 08-03-2009, 02:44 PM
 
7,483 posts, read 8,388,826 times
Reputation: 6275
Quote:
Originally Posted by TKramar View Post
It's like I said--I never really stopped caring about her. I just don't expect us to get back together. Too many changes, too much time. I can only think of one girlfriend that I actively dislike and have issues with. The one hooked on crack. Even the one who decided she didn't want me living with her anymore and tossed me out on the street for some other guy (with a bigger paycheck)...I don't actively hate. Hate takes too much energy. Karma seems to work out pretty well for that.
I'm not saying you have to hate her and I realize it's hard to stop caring about someone. But what about having self-respect? A "friend" treats you badly, never apologizes, and sets the terms of your friendship. You should find that unacceptable regardless of how much you still care for her. I haven't stopped caring about the person who emailed me. But that doesn't give her the right to take me for granted or walk all over me.
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Old 08-03-2009, 02:48 PM
 
10,464 posts, read 7,377,495 times
Reputation: 15503
Quote:
Originally Posted by DennyCrane View Post
We're no longer dating. I got tired of her never being able to make time for me so I moved on. I don't consider us friends anymore either cause she doesn't seem to make a lot of effort to be my friend. Frankly, I'm just tired of the way she disappears and reappears whenever it suits her. I think she assumes I'll always forgive her and give her another chance.
I had a friend / ex-boyfriend like this. I finally got fed up and told him that I refuse to have a friendship at his convenience. Haven't talked to him since and haven't had to deal with that drama. At some point you have to respect yourself or no one else will.
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Old 08-03-2009, 04:41 PM
 
Location: Tennessee
15,402 posts, read 14,539,015 times
Reputation: 21809
If you don`t care about her being a part of your life, ignore it.
If you do, then tell her how you feel.
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Old 08-03-2009, 06:34 PM
 
7,483 posts, read 8,388,826 times
Reputation: 6275
Quote:
Originally Posted by yankeegirl313 View Post
If you don`t care about her being a part of your life, ignore it.
If you do, then tell her how you feel.
I'd welcome her back into my life if I saw signs that she's changed. But so far, I don't see any indication of that.
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Old 08-04-2009, 10:12 AM
 
7,483 posts, read 8,388,826 times
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Guess I should add one more detail to the story. I just learned from a mutual acquaintance that she started seeing someone around the same time I stopped hearing from her. That was 3 months ago. He said it was serious, but he doesn't know if they're still together. Now I can't help but wonder if that's the real reason she hasn't spoken to me all this time. Maybe things didn't work out with that guy and now she's reaching out to someone who always put up with her **** and forgave her. If so, it wouldn't be the first time. About a year ago, she broke up with a boyfriend who she said "took her for granted and didn't appreciate her." Right after that breakup, she emailed me after not talking to me for close to a year.

I hope I'm just being paranoid, but if what I suspect is true, it makes me pretty angry. It also makes me want to say something to her instead of just ignoring her email.
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Old 08-04-2009, 10:20 AM
 
25 posts, read 16,380 times
Reputation: 13
Default turn the page....

You still seem as though she has some power over you. The power needs to be shared. She pops in and pops out because you have allowed it. She sounds selfish and will likely never change.
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Old 08-04-2009, 10:24 AM
 
8,424 posts, read 24,208,940 times
Reputation: 5910
Sounds like it would be too annoying for me to continue contact....

But obviously you have personal feelings about her and unhealthy feeling towards yourself. You KNOW you do not want to deal...so why bother? To get a sorry? If she was sorry she would of SHOWN you that she was sorry by not doing it again. So what if she talked to some new dude. I do not talk to ex's much anymore if at all because I know it bothers who I am with. But I did not forget to tell them that so they develop some odd complex about it. I mean..how hard is it to say...

She sounds like a twit my dear. Spend your days in better company.
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Old 08-04-2009, 10:55 AM
 
7,483 posts, read 8,388,826 times
Reputation: 6275
Quote:
Originally Posted by pitt_transplant View Post
Sounds like it would be too annoying for me to continue contact....

But obviously you have personal feelings about her and unhealthy feeling towards yourself. You KNOW you do not want to deal...so why bother? To get a sorry? If she was sorry she would of SHOWN you that she was sorry by not doing it again. So what if she talked to some new dude. I do not talk to ex's much anymore if at all because I know it bothers who I am with. But I did not forget to tell them that so they develop some odd complex about it. I mean..how hard is it to say...

She sounds like a twit my dear. Spend your days in better company.
I don't want contact with her. I would've preferred that she not contact me. Sprawling Homeowner started a thread about getting a second chance to tell someone what you really think of them. I'm faced with that now.

The issue is not that she's seeing someone else. The issue is that she only contacts me when it suits her, such as when things don't work out with some other guy. I'm half-tempted to give her piece of my mind. I know that seems petty and vindictive and I'd be doing it more for some cathartic benefit than anything else. But right now, I'm feeling a mix of hurt and anger and that's making it awfully hard to be objective or dispassionate about what to do.
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