U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 1.5 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Jump to a detailed profile or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Business Search - 14 Million verified businesses
Search for:  near: 
 
 
Old 08-04-2009, 06:07 AM
 
Location: 39 20' 59"N / 75 30' 53"W
11,996 posts, read 11,887,611 times
Reputation: 13366
I'm beginning to believe many on this forum don't know what they want,
are unhappy and think theres something wrong with wanting the best for
yourself, and not being ashamed to ask for it.
Quick reply to this message

 
Old 08-04-2009, 07:51 AM
 
17,659 posts, read 16,573,470 times
Reputation: 17378
Quote:
Originally Posted by mango tango View Post
People are wired differently from others.
This is ALWAYS true. And it's also true that many posters here forget this.

Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-04-2009, 10:23 AM
 
Location: In my skin
8,032 posts, read 8,794,812 times
Reputation: 7871
Quote:
Originally Posted by UrbanBlasphemy View Post
I agree completely, we're all here to gain some kind of insight, or to help others gain insight by expressing what we've been through.

A couple of the things you mentioned I disagree with, but on the whole, I don't see anything that any normal person wouldn't expect.

"He has to impress me" - Nothing wrong with that, I think of it as attraction. If you're not attracted to someone, then there will be no desire to go out with that person in the first place. In addition, I think the attraction should continue for as long as you're together - it's just part of the "magic" that happens..
That is the point I was trying to get across, that being impressed is what leads to attraction.

Quote:
"He cannot be overweight" - I disagree with this, but at the same time I do agree with it.. It goes back to the attraction thing. If I'm not attracted to someone who weighs more than me, well, I'm just not attracted to them. I don't think that it should be the main deciding factor though. I've seen some very beautiful ladies who are a bit on the large side. Thing is, they take care of themselves, and show a desire to be the best they can.
I agree. I meant overweight as in unhealthy. I don't mind a few extra pounds if they are able to walk up the stairs without struggling.

Quote:
"He must be financially stable" - On this, I have to completely disagree with. If you combined that with a lack of desire to work, or in general just lazy, then I understand. But, I've met a lot of people who aren't financially stable but it's due to outside reasons, and has nothing to do with them. I think I just made a post about this in another thread.. ?
I know a few people in that situation. It is unfortunate. However, at first meet, or in the acquainting stages, there isn't an emotional investment that would enable me to overlook certain things. In this case, it wouldn't be about character, but it does go back to not willingly walking into a situation that would take from my quality of life. Now, if we hit rock bottom while we were together, I'd be under that bridge with him 100%, if it was through no irresponsibility of his own. It is a team effort.

Quote:
Number 4 and 5 are really both the same to me. "He has to show his appreciation. When I buy him something, I expect something in return." - I agree completely here. Having the feeling of appreciation is critical for a good relationship. It's the whole give and take side of things, if both people are in it for the greater good, then I think that those people will have a happy and healthy relationship. It's the little things in life that make life worth living..
I couldn't have said it better myself. I'm SO glad you get it.

Quote:
Really, I don't think any of this is selfish at all. Only you know what makes you happy, if anyone has anything bad to say about it, well, foo on them. I think that everyone has certain things they look for in a relationship, and without those things I don't think that the relationship will reach its fullest potential. Still, we all have to compromise a little. If I have a list of things that I look for, and someone I meet has everything but one thing, well, I'm not going to rule them out because of it. If they make me happy, then I'll go with things for awhile. Who knows what might happen..

Good post, and thanks for sharing!
I agree. Thanks.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-04-2009, 10:33 AM
 
11,295 posts, read 14,808,330 times
Reputation: 3208
Default will he still...

The weight is the only problem I'm having with my bf right now. He knows he needs to lose weight but keeps making excuses that he can't start diet/exercise right now because of all the stress in his life and the lack of time. It does have an impact on life in the bedroom. It's weird for me because most of my past boyfriends, at least those in the past decade or so, were all in fabulous shape (and the last one was smokin' hot) so this is different. He sure does adore me, appreciate me, have a good income and really likes it when I do nice things for him, and he returns the gesture tenfold.

**...adore you if you tell him the part about past boyfriends?!
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-04-2009, 10:42 AM
 
16,623 posts, read 13,536,096 times
Reputation: 11444
Quote:
Originally Posted by PassTheChocolate View Post
4) He has to show his appreciation. I want to know I am making a difference in his life. When I cook for him, shower him with affection or give him a back rub, I want to be the best at it all. This is because I love him and want to keep him. Bottom line, keeping him will make me happy. The minute that stops for either one of us, I have nothing to gain.

5) When I buy him something, I expect something in return. I feed off the knowledge that I made him smile or made his day. It ultimately gives me pleasure. Doing it “just because” is fine; all that means is it is not a special occasion. It does not mean there is nothing in it for me.

Sounds pretty selfish, doesn’t it? What do you take from this? Remember, this is not about using someone.....or is it?
I have only read the OP, not responses to this thread. The first three you mention seem fine, I can take no issue with them.

The last two seem like issues that would bother me, especially #5. I do not think relationships or friendships should be operated this way, where we do nice things for someone with the expectation that they'll do something nice in return. It is like keeping score.

It reminds me of one of my old favorite quotes: "Practice charity without holding in mind any conceptions about charity, for charity after all is just a word."
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-04-2009, 10:43 AM
 
1,323 posts, read 1,342,683 times
Reputation: 1440
Quote:
Originally Posted by PassTheChocolate View Post
I know a few people in that situation. It is unfortunate. However, at first meet, or in the acquainting stages, there isn't an emotional investment that would enable me to overlook certain things. In this case, it wouldn't be about character, but it does go back to not willingly walking into a situation that would take from my quality of life. Now, if we hit rock bottom while we were together, I'd be under that bridge with him 100%, if it was through no irresponsibility of his own. It is a team effort.
After reading that, now I understand what you're saying.. You're right, when you first meet someone you don't know why they are in that situation, all you know is that they are.. I would hope that the guy, in your case, would be more focused on getting his life together rather than trying to hook up with someone. I went on dates when I was helping my parents, but I made sure that it was more of a "friendship" type of date. I had too many issues floating around to even focus on anything long term.

And yeah, if you're already in a relationship and that happens.. I dunno if I'd be hangin' out under a bridge, but wherever I was I'd know that I wasn't alone in things.

Good post!
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-04-2009, 10:43 AM
 
Location: In my skin
8,032 posts, read 8,794,812 times
Reputation: 7871
Quote:
Originally Posted by rubber_factory View Post
Haven't read the responses to this thread.

But, the first three you mention seem fine, I can take no issue with them.

The last two seem like red flags that would bother me, especially #5.
Can you tell me a little more about what bothers you?
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-04-2009, 10:46 AM
 
Location: southern california
48,913 posts, read 45,129,582 times
Reputation: 39861
WIFM (whats in it for me) is the driving force behind 50% divorce rate--- whole lot of glue remover and not much glue.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-04-2009, 10:46 AM
 
Location: Omaha
2,716 posts, read 4,494,166 times
Reputation: 1171
I also do not have an issue with anything but #5. (Unless "something in return" is a "thank you")
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-04-2009, 10:48 AM
 
16,623 posts, read 13,536,096 times
Reputation: 11444
Quote:
Originally Posted by PassTheChocolate View Post
Can you tell me a little more about what bothers you?
Sorry, I'm a habitual post-editor. More above ^^^
Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


 
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:
Over $84,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2014, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25 - Top