U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 1.5 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Jump to a detailed profile or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Business Search - 14 Million verified businesses
Search for:  near: 
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 11-18-2010, 05:32 AM
 
Location: Between Philadelphia and Allentown, PA
5,079 posts, read 8,222,210 times
Reputation: 3597
Quote:
Originally Posted by Woof Woof Woof! View Post
I was talking to my girlfriend the other day who I have not seen in ages. We went to high school together. She got married when she was early 20s and they had two kids, which are the light of her life.

We had a few glasses of wine and she started crying to me and confessed that she feels like her and her man live together like roommates.

I wasn't sure what to say because I know them both and don't want to hear about the problems, so I sort of changed the subject.

But now I'm wondering what does that mean, roommates? I really thought they were happy together.


I think I can answer this since I'm currently living it. My b/f and I have been going through a rough spell, many things have been said and actions have taken place that have left me feeling less than a first class citizen in my own home. With that said, no there was no cheating or anything like that but just comments here and there and to be honest, the arguments we have are the same thorn in my side going on years now.

We have now come to a point where yes, i do feel like we are more or less roommates rather than b/f and g/f. For the record, this isn't a new relationship, we are going on 5 and a half years, I'm older and he's younger. He's very responsible and has a good job, for the most part we do get along but without going into a long dissertation there ARE issues and yes, I do feel more like a roommate than a girlfriend at this time.

So one may ask, what am I going to do? I honestly don't know yet. I've been taking long periods of time to myself to think about the situation since we have talked it out literally to death and I have to do what is right for me at the end of the day. What "that" is? I don't know yet. To be continued......
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 11-18-2010, 06:23 AM
 
Location: On our boat!
5,648 posts, read 9,720,494 times
Reputation: 3118
Are you in different bedrooms now? Do you get along at all anymore? If it's like a constant squabble between you, do something........don't just sit around and "think" about what to do!! I know, I know, that's a lot easier said than done.........but, look at it this way, don't we all want to be happy with our partner and our lives?? Good Luck!

Quote:
Originally Posted by andreaspercheron View Post
I think I can answer this since I'm currently living it. My b/f and I have been going through a rough spell, many things have been said and actions have taken place that have left me feeling less than a first class citizen in my own home. With that said, no there was no cheating or anything like that but just comments here and there and to be honest, the arguments we have are the same thorn in my side going on years now.

We have now come to a point where yes, i do feel like we are more or less roommates rather than b/f and g/f. For the record, this isn't a new relationship, we are going on 5 and a half years, I'm older and he's younger. He's very responsible and has a good job, for the most part we do get along but without going into a long dissertation there ARE issues and yes, I do feel more like a roommate than a girlfriend at this time.

So one may ask, what am I going to do? I honestly don't know yet. I've been taking long periods of time to myself to think about the situation since we have talked it out literally to death and I have to do what is right for me at the end of the day. What "that" is? I don't know yet. To be continued......
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-18-2010, 10:51 PM
 
55 posts, read 46,977 times
Reputation: 50
Quote:
Originally Posted by Woof Woof Woof! View Post
I was talking to my girlfriend the other day who I have not seen in ages. We went to high school together. She got married when she was early 20s and they had two kids, which are the light of her life.

We had a few glasses of wine and she started crying to me and confessed that she feels like her and her man live together like roommates.

I wasn't sure what to say because I know them both and don't want to hear about the problems, so I sort of changed the subject.

But now I'm wondering what does that mean, roommates? I really thought they were happy together.
Many people live with spouses/partners in a "roommate sytle" of relationship. You love your partner, he loves you but the passion is not there. So, you end up with a great friend/partner/roommate. He is there for you, to protect you, to help you, to take care of you when you are sick, tired or hungry ... just like the best roommate or big brother - but there is no "lover" in the bedroom ... therefore, he remains ... your roommate. Sometimes that is enough and sometimes you realize you deserve better ...
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-20-2010, 01:38 PM
 
4 posts, read 7,462 times
Reputation: 13
I JUST went through this days ago. My boyfriend and I were together for 10 years. We lived together and had a dog. But we had been growing apart for such a long time. We are different people now than when we were high school sweethearts.

I still feel like I can go to him for anything. We're best friends but that's it. We were just going through the motions taking up space together in our little safe routine.

Now that we're apart I feel so liberated. I felt like he could never totally accept me or be proud of me as a partner. So this was the best thing we could ever do for each other.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-21-2010, 02:54 PM
 
7,570 posts, read 3,929,890 times
Reputation: 14240
Quote:
Originally Posted by Neemy View Post
This was the last 7 years of my marriage.
Ditto.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-22-2010, 05:22 AM
 
Location: Between Philadelphia and Allentown, PA
5,079 posts, read 8,222,210 times
Reputation: 3597
Quote:
Originally Posted by LoveBoating View Post
Are you in different bedrooms now? Do you get along at all anymore? If it's like a constant squabble between you, do something........don't just sit around and "think" about what to do!! I know, I know, that's a lot easier said than done.........but, look at it this way, don't we all want to be happy with our partner and our lives?? Good Luck!
LB, thanks for your post. We are not in different bedrooms, it's not like we hate each other but the fact is, his upbringing and mine are very different. I have kids (grown and out of the house) he does not. I've been married before, he has not. These were originally thought not to be a problem but unless you have experienced certain things in life, you really can't have empathy for and about those things.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-21-2012, 05:40 PM
 
1 posts, read 2,421 times
Reputation: 11
I'm a 46 yr old Christian woman and have been married to my second husband and father of my onely child(daughter who just turned 18) for 19 yrs. He told me when she turned 2yrs that he didn't love me the way "I needed to be loved & that he cared a lot about me but only married me because I got pregnant." He told me when I met him that he had been divorced for over a year and separated longer that. He has no other children. When I became pregnant I was inshock but happy. My first husband and I were never able to conceive. My current husband dated for nearley 6mos before making love. When I told him that I was pregnant he acted very shut-down and distant. I told him that if he didn't want to be a father I would raise the child on my own and never bother him again. He told me then that he wanted to be a father but had lied to me in the past. Something in my spirit told me that he was still married. When I told him what I suspected he confessed that he had lied about being divorced but not about being separated. He said he was afraid that if I knew he was still married that I would not have dated him. He went out the very next morning and filed for divorce. I forgave him but never really trusted him completely again. We were married 2 weeks before my daughter's birth. He never even told his parents about me or our soon child to be until I was 6 mos along. Long story short I never felt that he truely loved me and that he was only trying to do the right thing by marrying me. This became all the more evident when he began going out with his single male friends after his swing shift at work. He never invited them to our
home as I had requested many times. He frequently lied about working late as well. It's been over 19 yrs since we began our relationship. We live in the same house together but in separate rooms. He has not touched me since 1999. I went as far as getting breast implants and lipo-suction to turn his head but he was so addicted to pornography that I did nothing for him. I now suffer from fibromyalgia and had a serious back injury. I am on permanent disability. He makes over 80Gs yr. I don't know how I can make it on my own he even says that if I or he files for divorce he'll be the one stuck with alimony. I feel so guilty when I think about leaving because I know he will still have to support me. I just can't stay in this morgue of a marriage any longer. Any advice besides blowing out my brains?


bout working overtime (I would call his job. @12:30amand they would say he got off @10:30 pm.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-21-2012, 06:12 PM
 
Location: St. Louis
7,364 posts, read 7,781,048 times
Reputation: 8885
Quote:
Originally Posted by steffibird0319 View Post
I don't know how I can make it on my own he even says that if I or he files for divorce he'll be the one stuck with alimony. I feel so guilty when I think about leaving because I know he will still have to support me. I just can't stay in this morgue of a marriage any longer. Any advice besides blowing out my brains?


bout working overtime (I would call his job. @12:30amand they would say he got off @10:30 pm.
Yes, drop the guilt and file. Why the heck should you be feeling guilty when you're married to a liar and a cheat. Do you have a job? If not, get one, anything. So what if he's stuck with some alimony? He's the one lying and then trying to make you feel guilty and it's working. Stop that! (If you have a job, it won't be so bad.)

As for the OP, yes I had the old roommate relationship and we were even having sex fairly regularly but at times I felt like we were just masturbating together--no real passion. I'm much happier single.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-21-2012, 06:20 PM
 
Location: USA
8,778 posts, read 4,208,293 times
Reputation: 6608
"When married people live together like roommates"
Ehh, wake up and smell the coffee folks. ding ding ding. You can see from all of these stories that this is the "Norm" not the exception. My parents ended up like this, my neighbors ended up like this, 70% of the people on this board have the same story at least once and sometimes more! The 50% of people that get to the point of divorce just had it so bad they were forced to run. The other 40% that stay married fit this description to a tee! I'm all for getting married some day but I don't like the odds from the evidence that is staring me in the eye!



Quote:
Originally Posted by steffibird0319 View Post
home as I had requested many times. He frequently lied about working late as well. It's been over 19 yrs since we began our relationship. We live in the same house together but in separate rooms. He has not touched me since 1999..
19 years. I'm a little suspicious.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-21-2012, 06:25 PM
 
Location: a primitive state
6,745 posts, read 11,207,265 times
Reputation: 5931
You have a child and a guarantee of support. Just keep living your life. I'd be more depressed about having a bad back than about a non-relationship. The relationship problem can be cured in any number of ways. Divorce being one of them.

Find something like Alanon to help you deal with the results of your husband's porn addiction. You're young enough to be happy if you get help.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:


Over $79,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2014, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25 - Top