i was cheated on..I feel so betrayed and hurt, anyone can help me:( (dating, boyfriend)

[alohaha]

I posted a thread before saying that I suspect my bf cheated on me (never answers his calls in front of me, etc)..and I finally caught him...

he is such a liar, he still doesn't know that I already knew the truth...though i broke up with him before I found that he was cheating on me, I still feel so hurt, betrayed, and disappointed.

putting this cheating thing aside, he was really nice to me, a sweet talker, then thing started to change, and I don't know if it started from me or him ( I was not sure about whether we should be together all the time, but stayed with him b/c i thought he loved me so much..not a healthy relationship)...

but anyway he might cheat on me from the beginning..It is so disgusting that he can be sooo sweet to me ( trust me, i am not kidding) and introduced me to his family,etc but still CHEATED on me..

i just feel I am punished myself for neglecting all red flags..and I just can't let it go that he cheated on me...

how can a guy act so loving and sweet but in fact is completely a liar? he can be an actor...

i can't believe the fact that he didn't really love me when I look back all the nice things he did to me...

how can I move on? how can I trust guys again? please, I am really tortured now...

[Woof Woof Woof!]

I'm sorry this happened to you. You just have to move on. That's all there is to it. Tomorrow is another day. Get yourself dolled up and go meet a decent guy. He is out there waiting!

[cricket_factor]

Do something nice for yourself right now. Eat something fattening, call someone, go to the library or the bookstore and get a book on surviving a broken heart. Or go over to a friend's house. Do you have a bike to ride? Punching bag (belong to a gym). Cry a lot, it seems to help.

Or go to the grocery store and buy a dozen eggs and go throw them some place at something where people can't see you, just to relieve stress. (I am not meaning your ex's car).

You will get through this.

[professorsenator]

Originally Posted by alohaha

i just feel I am punished myself for neglecting all red flags..and I just can't let it go that he cheated on me...how can I move on? how can I trust guys again?

First, you gotta realize that all guys are not cheaters like your boyfriend (just as you surely recognize that all women aren't cheaters). So you need to lose the "all guys are cheaters" mindset.

Next you have obviously learned some lessons about what to keep an eye out for on spotting a cheater, right? This will be useful going forward. You can't be paranoid, controlling, etc. in the future based upon this hurt, but you have learned a lesson and you now know cues to look for. Put that information in the back of you mind...but don't forget it.

[mgt04]

Unfortunately I know the feeling...I caught my girlfriend in bed with another guy when I drove 4 hrs to see her from Albany, NY to Boston, MA....and ON my 21st birthday. Fast forward 7 yrs to now and I'm with a beautiful girl who I am engaged to and will marry next June.

I can tell you for 3-4 months afterwards I was a wreck...right around the Thanksgiving-Xmas holidays too. And then something all of a sudden hit me and I snapped out of it. I decided I wasn't going to waste my time thinking about her anymore because she was so not worth it.

What I can tell you is that its easier for some to recover than others. Take the time you need and when you're ready to move on you'll see it. Time is the only thing that will heal you.

I am sorry this happened to you but I can tell you looking back I'm glad it happened to me because I would've never met my fiancee then. Good luck

[he's so hott]

Originally Posted by alohaha

I posted a thread before saying that I suspect my bf cheated on me (never answers his calls in front of me, etc)..and I finally caught him...

he is such a liar, he still doesn't know that I already knew the truth...though i broke up with him before I found that he was cheating on me, I still feel so hurt, betrayed, and disappointed.

putting this cheating thing aside, he was really nice to me, a sweet talker, then thing started to change, and I don't know if it started from me or him ( I was not sure about whether we should be together all the time, but stayed with him b/c i thought he loved me so much..not a healthy relationship)...

but anyway he might cheat on me from the beginning..It is so disgusting that he can be sooo sweet to me ( trust me, i am not kidding) and introduced me to his family,etc but still CHEATED on me..

i just feel I am punished myself for neglecting all red flags..and I just can't let it go that he cheated on me...

how can a guy act so loving and sweet but in fact is completely a liar? he can be an actor...

i can't believe the fact that he didn't really love me when I look back all the nice things he did to me...

how can I move on? how can I trust guys again? please, I am really tortured now...

At some point, whether its 1 month from now or 1 year from now you'll begin to trust again. The important thing is to not let his disgusting actions dictate how you view other guys. I know that its easy for me to say that, but you have to live by that. Just take your time to work through your emotions and then take your time getting back into the dating game if you so choose.

Best of luck. It hurts now but this to shall pass with time.

[amsherwo]

Originally Posted by alohaha

I posted a thread before saying that I suspect my bf cheated on me (never answers his calls in front of me, etc)..and I finally caught him...

he is such a liar, he still doesn't know that I already knew the truth...though i broke up with him before I found that he was cheating on me, I still feel so hurt, betrayed, and disappointed.

putting this cheating thing aside, he was really nice to me, a sweet talker, then thing started to change, and I don't know if it started from me or him ( I was not sure about whether we should be together all the time, but stayed with him b/c i thought he loved me so much..not a healthy relationship)...

but anyway he might cheat on me from the beginning..It is so disgusting that he can be sooo sweet to me ( trust me, i am not kidding) and introduced me to his family,etc but still CHEATED on me..

i just feel I am punished myself for neglecting all red flags..and I just can't let it go that he cheated on me...

how can a guy act so loving and sweet but in fact is completely a liar? he can be an actor...

i can't believe the fact that he didn't really love me when I look back all the nice things he did to me...

how can I move on? how can I trust guys again? please, I am really tortured now...

Awww honey, it happens to everybody at some point, but it never seems to suck any less. You can't blame yourself for neglecting any red flags. Love is blind (I know, cheesy saying, but it is true). Not all guys are ****heads, but the ones that are make it really hard to trust people enough to find a guy that isn't. I can totally sympathize. A couple summers ago I ended up involved with a guy who was literally a ******, and it totally broke my heart. I never thought I'd ever trust another man again, but after awhile I did, and I ended up finding a really amazing guy. If you've got to be angry at someone, direct your anger at him and quit torturing yourself. You'll find a good one, you just have to be patient.

[PassTheChocolate]

Time heals. You're going to have to go through it, but allow yourself to feel what you're feeling. Don't beat yourself up and, please, don't lose faith in others if you ever expect to be happy again.

[UrbanBlasphemy]

To me, he just sounds like a user. Those type of people will say anything to get what they want, and then turn things around like they didn't do anything wrong to begin with.

First, don't blame yourself. Most of the time, these kinds of people are hard to notice anyway. They know what they are doing.. they've probably been that way since they were in elementary school, probably don't even know any better. Still, it's like anything; if we don't know anything about something then we don't know what to look for. For example, if you were going to lay a tile floor, what's the first thing you look for? Unless you're a professional or you've done it before and learned from the issues that arose, you won't know. So, don't blame yourself.. just forget about that already.

And now, how do you move on? Easy, just wake up in the morning, do some things, then go to bed at night. I know, not the answer you were looking for, but it's true, time heals.. But beyond that, I think it'll take awhile for you to trust guys again, but you will. I know that because I know that you've learned a good lesson here - you now know what kinds of guys to watch out for. And, you'll also know that you made it through this, and it only made you a stronger person.

I think everyone's given good advice here.. It's time to quit blaming yourself and time to get on with life. You'll be fine..

I wish you all the best!

[MaggieZ]

yep, I agree with everyone here...of course you may have to try diffrent things before you find what works for you. We all proces things diffrently.
Not all fish in the sea are bad, just because one treated you in this way, try to remember that. Try to not become bitter.
Take a break from starting new relationships until you've healed from this and stay busy and try to not think too much, a little is OK but too much thinking and you end up depressed and down on yourself or the ex. Be patient with yourself.