Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I just don't see how one can look at this it this way, when it comes to not wanting a relationship period. Most of the time, a relationship is supposed to be a fun and positive thing. Why run?
It's fair to say you don't want a committed relationship with only one person, I could see that. Most of the time though, I think this is used as an easy way out of letting someone down.
You have to consider the source. If a man says it, more than likely it's because he picked up on the girl's "I ain't putting out any time soon" vibe and decides to use the "It's not you, it's me" method of letting her down. Either that, or he came out of a serious long term relationship that endly badly, and just wants to keep things light and breezy.
If a woman says it, it probably means any one of a hundred things dating back to the mystery of the pyriamids.
"I am sorry we came this far. Really. But your ass is much too wide. I thought it would be something I could live with, but I just can't handle its elephantine girth. That, and your whorish mouth. Goodbye."
I think you could easily say something like "I'm just not feeling the chemistry between us", instead of going into excruciating details about the girth and width of body parts. That way, the person isn't left wondering or hoping for you to "become ready" for a relationship - it brings immediate closure.
Yeah, well, be brutally forthright and honest with everybody all the time, and let me know how it works out for you.
I don't think that being honest in this one regard translates to being blunt and forthright "with everybody all the time". The dishonesty in this case can cause a lot of angst for the other person. An honest response would be easier. I think it's perhaps easier on the rejector to sugar coat it, because you feel less guilty about rejecting the other person.
I've said that line before and I'll say it again if I need to. In that type of situation, no matter what you say it's going to sound bad so it's best to let the person down gently. And, frankly, I don't think I owe some guy I'm not even dating any explanations.
Here's how I now look at these lame "excuses" for why people won't date you.
The excuse or the reason shouldn't be the concern or the focus point. The fact they don't want to be with you is all that matters, and nothing else should. Someone either wants to be with you, or they don't. If they don't know, then it's no.
When someone turns me down or wants to stop seeing me, they usually just ignore me and I get the hint. But if they ever try to give me some BS excuse or line like "I just don't want a relationship right now..." then I don't even want to hear it. All I hear is "I don't want to be with you" and then I walk. Nothing else matters, reasons/excuses don't mean anything, they just don't want to be with you.
just get around saying I don't want a relationship with you?
I've never totally understood this. I often hear, I need to work on myself first (like one can't do both?). It seems to me that if someone wanted to go out with me that bad, they would find a way to do it.
I can understand, I can't have a relationship right now since I'm too busy (like on the road for weeks at a time) or if someone is seriously depressed or freshly divorced. However, I can't buy this worn out excuse from women, I don't want a relationship right now (you don't want loving companionship and possible sex) with anyone. It seems just like another way of avoiding the actual truth.
They could see someone in a love a first sight situation and go out with that person tomorrow, even after this kind of lame excuse about not dating anyone. Thoughts?
I almost never have heard of men saying this excuse, it's seems it's always women.
Well in my case I do not want a relationship right now with anyone. And yes that means I do not want companionship or sex. So if I said it to you I meant it literally.
Perhaps you think you're letting the person down gently by giving an evasive response. But, that is often not the case - the person can end up thinking you might be interested at some point down the road and never get closure.
I think you just got to the core of the issue - you feel you don't owe the person an honest response, so you say what is convenient for you, even if it is dishonest or leads to false expectations.
That's rather selfish and sounds like you have no consideration for the person's feelings. It is actually a lot easier for someone to move on if you tell them directly that you're not feeling it.
Here's how I now look at these lame "excuses" for why people won't date you.
The excuse or the reason shouldn't be the concern or the focus point. The fact they don't want to be with you is all that matters, and nothing else should. Someone either wants to be with you, or they don't. If they don't know, then it's no.
When someone turns me down or wants to stop seeing me, they usually just ignore me and I get the hint. But if they ever try to give me some BS excuse or line like "I just don't want a relationship right now..." then I don't even want to hear it. All I hear is "I don't want to be with you" and then I walk. Nothing else matters, reasons/excuses don't mean anything, they just don't want to be with you.
I think if someone ignores you, it's pretty clear and it's easy to move on.
But when they say they don't want a relationship right now because they broke up somewhat recently and have had bad dating experiences in the last few months and like to wait for months before dating someone, then that leaves you very confused. Because, you end up thinking that maybe if you pursued them for a few months, they might fall for you. Or maybe if you stuck around until they were in a better space, it would work.
That's why the reason can matter. If you've truly fallen for someone, it's not so easy to just walk like you say you do. Unless you know for sure that it's over.
Well in my case I do not want a relationship right now with anyone. And yes that means I do not want companionship or sex. So if I said it to you I meant it literally.
What if you'd had sex with the person and then said that? Would it then mean that you did not mean it literally and that you were actually just not into them? Good enough for a one nighter, but not good enough to date, basically..
Perhaps you think you're letting the person down gently by giving an evasive response. But, that is often not the case - the person can end up thinking you might be interested at some point down the road and never get closure.
I think you just got to the core of the issue - you feel you don't owe the person an honest response, so you say what is convenient for you, even if it is dishonest or leads to false expectations.
That's rather selfish and sounds like you have no consideration for the person's feelings. It is actually a lot easier for someone to move on if you tell them directly that you're not feeling it.
I'm not sure if you are replying to my post or not, but some dudes fragile ego is not my problem. Sorry if that sounds harsh but, it's true, I can't control how they feel and if it's someone I am not even dating why would I really care? All they will get from me is a polite rejection, not necessarily an honest one. I tell them that I don't want to date anyone and cut off contact with them. If they can't figure out that I don't want them after that then they are dumber than dirt. If that sounds callous of me so be it.
Now, if we are talking about rejecting someone I actually had some sort of relationship with, that's a different story. I would be honest in those situations, and say something like "we're just not compatible long term".
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
