When someone says I don't want a relationship with anyone is that a way to...... (dating, boyfriend)

[beenhereandthere]

just get around saying I don't want a relationship with you?
I've never totally understood this. I often hear, I need to work on myself first (like one can't do both?). It seems to me that if someone wanted to go out with me that bad, they would find a way to do it.
I can understand, I can't have a relationship right now since I'm too busy (like on the road for weeks at a time) or if someone is seriously depressed or freshly divorced. However, I can't buy this worn out excuse from women, I don't want a relationship right now (you don't want loving companionship and possible sex) with anyone. It seems just like another way of avoiding the actual truth.
They could see someone in a love a first sight situation and go out with that person tomorrow, even after this kind of lame excuse about not dating anyone. Thoughts?
I almost never have heard of men saying this excuse, it's seems it's always women.

[rubber_factory]

Well, I'm a guy, I've used the line "I'm not looking for a relationship right now" when I really meant "I don't want a relationship with you."

Not just a female thing, although I'll grant that they're more concerned with the feelings of others than men are.

Maybe it is lame, but it is better than kicking someone when they're down. If you have a better diversionary tactic besides: "I don't like you.", then lemme hear it.

[beenhereandthere]

Originally Posted by rubber_factory

Well, I'm a guy, I've used the line "I'm not looking for a relationship right now" when I really meant "I don't want a relationship with you."

Not just a female thing, although I'll grant that they're more concerned with the feelings of others than men are.

Maybe it is lame, but it is better than kicking someone when they're down. If you have a better diversionary tactic besides: "I don't like you.", then lemme hear it.

Point taken, but it's better than using the "I'm not looking for a relationship right now line" and then a few weeks, the effected person sees you with a boyfriend/girlfriend. What the hell?

[rubber_factory]

Originally Posted by beenhereandthere

Point taken, but it's better than using the "I'm not looking for a relationship right now line" and then a few weeks, the effected person sees you with a boyfriend/girlfriend. What the hell?

If I tell you I'm not hungry right now, and you see me eating a delicious chicken salad croissant a few weeks from now, will you say, "What the hell?"

This moment right now, it is not the same moment as 3 weeks from now, or 3 weeks ago.

Consider the difficult possibility that it may be your presence that makes her not want a relationship right now.

[MaggieZ]

I think it's sometimes true that the person saying it, is not looking for a relationship but often it does mean "I want to tell you in a nice way- I don't have any interest in you". Like rubber_factory says, it's better than kicking the person.. I once did tell a person, who didn't want to hear me when I tried telling him kindly that I wasn't interested, "I don't like you" but then felt so wrong afterwards that I'd rather use the half lie.

[TexasRandi]

I absolutely hate that lame excuse also and have wondered what does the person REALLY mean to say?

We do not choose when we fall in love and who it is with, so why if you find someone you connect with would you say you are not looking for a relationship? If the right person came along I would assume most anyone would be willing to make it work even if they had other issues in their life or weren't necessarily looking for a relationship at the time. Why would you let love pass you by like that?

People should be honest and say the real reason they don't want to be with someone.

[rubber_factory]

Originally Posted by TexasRandi

People should be honest and say the real reason they don't want to be with someone.

Yeah. Good idea.

"I am sorry we came this far. Really. But your ass is much too wide. I thought it would be something I could live with, but I just can't handle its elephantine girth. That, and your whorish mouth. Goodbye."

[beenhereandthere]

Originally Posted by rubber_factory

If I tell you I'm not hungry right now, and you see me eating a delicious chicken salad croissant a few weeks from now, will you say, "What the hell?"

This moment right now, it is not the same moment as 3 weeks from now, or 3 weeks ago.

Consider the difficult possibility that it may be your presence that makes her not want a relationship right now.

That point right there, makes me even more convinced, that the "not ready for a relationship line" is BS.
It's understandable if you're on the road too much, recovering from substance abuse, or freshly divorced, but to say that, especially after you've hung out with the person a few times in a dating way, is not honest.

[rubber_factory]

Originally Posted by beenhereandthere

That point right there, makes me even more convinced, that the "not ready for a relationship line" is BS.
It's understandable if you're on the road too much, recovering from substance abuse, or freshly divorced, but to say that, especially after you've hung out with the person a few times in a dating way, is not honest.

Yeah, well, be brutally forthright and honest with everybody all the time, and let me know how it works out for you.

[Naomi Manischewitz]

i think it is one of two things:
1. it is true.
2. it is a nice way of putting you down

i have had a few guys say that "i am not looking for a girlfriend right now" while i was seeing each of them casually (no sex yet) at least once a week. they basically would say things how they want to continue seeing me, but dont want girlfriends.

basically to me that means they want a regular friend with benefits, or they are keeping you around until they find someone they like more.