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I always wonder this because well..Its not like I would ask anyone I know because: 1- they will not tell the whole truth in a personal situation like that. 2- why would I bring THAT up of all things
Anyway...
So anyone who has been thru divorce or "divorce like*" situations...what happened? Because obviously its not as quick and clean as a break up.
My divorce was final this last June. One or the other person files the initial paperwork and it is served to the other one. You have 20 days to respond. You can hire an attorney or not. If you choose to not hire one or cannot afford to such as my case, you are required to get the paperwork filled out accurately and file the paperwork and make sure it is served properly. After going through that I do not recommend not having an attorney. Once they get your response back they then have 20 days to respond back. If children are involved a parenting plan must be drawn up and you might have to take a parenting class. You then again have 20 days to respond back. If you can both agree on everything and there are no arguments about anything you can usually not have to go to court, howvere if you do not angree on everything a pre-trial court hearing will be made. You both attend and the judge will then go over the things you have issues with and see if you can agree or not. A final divorce hearing is then set. Once you have that hearing and the judge signs off on it, then it will be final. Our initial paperwork was filed in Decemebr and it was final 6 mos. later in June. Not fun I might add.
I think a lot of it depends on your individual state...
I went through this several years ago, my parents actually are the ones who did most of the legwork honestly. Basically, my ex and I were not getting along and had not been for some time I finally had enough and moved out, after a couple days my we got back in contact, I wasn't too interested in moving back in, and he wasn't missing me too much.
The 'rents found a lawyer, got some paperwork filed... our parents all sat down and divided up our stuff, we met with the lawyer again one other time....then you gotta wait X amount of days, I am thinking it was 60, show up to court, judge will ask you a few questions. The EX signs some papers and you are magically unmarried.
most marriages go sour in bout 2 years.
but the stats indicate you dont see that major exit until 5 to 10 years later.
by the time a marriage is terminated there is so much dirt under the rug that no counselor can save the marriage, hence 90% counseling failure.
To the Op, your question is a bit vague. Are you asking about the timeline between first discussing divorce as a viable option and when the divorce becomes legal? Or are you asking from when the paperwork is first filed? It does tend to vary by state.
I'm going to assume you're talking about the breakdown of a marriage. I can only speak of mine, of course. I stayed at least three years too long, but that's hindsight. We weren't getting along (huge understatement; we did nothing but argue!), and one night we began dividing up our stuff. It made me a little nervous to even talk like that, but that's how it started to become a real choice for both of us.
A month of two later I moved out, and went to my dad's house. I kept hemming and hawing over what I should do, though (we had two small children, so it was a terribly tough decision). What tipped me in the direction of leaving permanently was when he told me he had made a pass at my best friend when I was asleep in the next room. Of course, even as he was confessing, he made a point to blame me for not giving him enough affection! If he was enough of a sleaze to do that, then how could I ever trust him? It took a week or two longer to actually make my decision and stick to it. Once I filed, it took six months; we lived in California.
So anyone who has been thru divorce or "divorce like*" situations...what happened? Because obviously its not as quick and clean as a break up.
I don't know about "typical" situations, but with mine, it was kinda weird.
The divorce literally took about a half hour. We drove to the courthouse, went to the desk, signed a piece of paper, paid the cashier, and drove home. We got married as friends, and then we divorced as friends. I let her have the house, the car, and whatever else she asked for, and I took the rest. I helped her make payments until she got back on her feet, and that was that.
Obviously, that's not typical, but I'm glad that we did things like that. When all is said and done, the actual divorce only cost me 25 bucks..
Quote:
Originally Posted by Huckleberry3911948
most marriages go sour in bout 2 years.
but the stats indicate you dont see that major exit until 5 to 10 years later.
by the time a marriage is terminated there is so much dirt under the rug that no counselor can save the marriage, hence 90% counseling failure.
I think you nailed it there.
Most people that I've met that's ended up breaking things off lived together for about two to three years. I think, and this is just my opinion, that that's about how long it takes for couples to get "used" to living with one another. Things slow down and life takes hold - the "romance and excitement" are gone, and now there's just arguing and bickering..
I think that the people that outlast that time are the ones that really take time to become friends with the person their with, and learn to work things out in a way that isn't destructive.
Any marriage can work, as long as both people are really into trying to work on things, and are both positive about the outcome..
I want to hear all of it! Its such an awkward situation and not many people seem to talk about it. Thank you guys for sharing what you did. I am seeing a lot of the "after 2 years" thing happen around me in friends/fam.....I have to wonder what will happen for them.
I don't know about "typical" situations, but with mine, it was kinda weird.
The divorce literally took about a half hour. We drove to the courthouse, went to the desk, signed a piece of paper, paid the cashier, and drove home. We got married as friends, and then we divorced as friends. I let her have the house, the car, and whatever else she asked for, and I took the rest. I helped her make payments until she got back on her feet, and that was that.
Obviously, that's not typical, but I'm glad that we did things like that. When all is said and done, the actual divorce only cost me 25 bucks..
I think you nailed it there.
Most people that I've met that's ended up breaking things off lived together for about two to three years. I think, and this is just my opinion, that that's about how long it takes for couples to get "used" to living with one another. Things slow down and life takes hold - the "romance and excitement" are gone, and now there's just arguing and bickering..
I think that the people that outlast that time are the ones that really take time to become friends with the person their with, and learn to work things out in a way that isn't destructive.
Any marriage can work, as long as both people are really into trying to work on things, and are both positive about the outcome..
My divorce was long and messy. I asked for a divorce and he refused to move out. We had two children and his comment was, "you live your life and I'll live mine." I got a full time job, made other friends and began getting my life together. Two years later, he finally moved out.
I had put away about $4000. by this time and hired an lawyer. I filed the paperwork. It took 4 court dates, 2 mediation attempts, and 3 long years before my divorce was final. Total cost for the divorce was about $50,000. That's what the estimated combined amount two lawyers got. He had to pay all but the original $4,000. I paid. It was totally stupid to waste that money on lawyers when it could be paying for my kids college right now. That's what happens when money and kids are involved.
11 years later it is still the best thing I ever did. I remarried and have never been happier.
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