Things Ar Getting Boring (and too PC) Around Here So..... (wife, marriage)

[NotARedneck]

I checked our some other sites where I found this: (This sure got some of the other guys worked up. They thought "Why was I too stupid to think of this before it was too late!")

"My best friend in the States was working at Boeing in Wichita around 1960. He was engaged to a beautiful woman but had doubts since his mom and dad had a terrible marriage. He worked with a wise old black men and asked him, "How can I tell if she is right for me? I don't want a marriage like my mom and dad have."

The old man said, "Disagree with her on something."

Ron said, "What do you mean?"

The old man said, "You young guys think only with your little head. You want sex so bad if your woman tells you to jump off a cliff, you jump. But, after you marry, there will be times you need to tell her no. Disagree with her on something and you will find out what it's like to be married to her."

He added, "Make it fair. Disagree with her on something that is not her business, such as which shirt you wear. Women will never tolerate a man telling them what to wear, but they will tell a man what to wear. If she tells you to change your shirt, tell her no, and keep saying no no matter what she says or threatens."

Three days later was the last time he saw the woman he had thought to marry. He didn't marry until he was around 50 years old, when he found a woman who was sane even when he told her no."

I would add that in almost all of the marriages I've seen last among people born after 1970, the husband simply cannot ever say no. If he does, he is quickly punished, and if he persists he is divorced. I see this over and over and over again. Married men make a sad 'joke' to newlyweds about the 'wisdom' of saying "Yes, dear" to everything if the husband wishes to remain 'happy'.

I was with a girl for five years and lived with her for three. She became domineering. Long story short, I eventually told her no. The five year relationship ended within three months.

'No' goes straight to the heart of who controls the relationship. There is no such thing as an equal relationship. That is nothing but an intellectual abstraction with no basis in reality. I really wish it weren't that way. Control of a relationship is established early in a relationship. The relationship will probably not survive the lesser partner saying no.

[stan4]

Hm...I dunno...I mean, neither my wife nor I tell each other what to do with anything. We often ask each other favors, and if we can't manage it or don't feel like doing it, we have both said no (with an explanation). I trust her advice and her judgement and we've found no reason to argue about anything like 'control.'

[mongoslade223]

I believe you have to set the standard from the beginning. If you show at the start of a relationship (and I mean very start) that you are not going to be a doormat, In my experince it has worked out to be the best relationship I ever had. And if she walks away, you have found out at the start and saved yourself valuble time.

If you wait until 2 or 3 years down the line to grow some cajones, or course she's gonna bolt. she'll be like "what the hell gotten into this fool" I've seen that happen a million times.

[si33]

Hey guys ..and gals,,..look!, over here!!,,..Somethin's a' stirrin' out on the front lawn. ...I think we have enough line to run a beer tap from the patio..

wait for it, ..wait ..for ..it

[temptation001]

I think a man needs to assert his choices from the start. Many men are so scared of saying No because they are trying too hard to get her to like him, that they set themselves up for eternal damnation. I like men who assert themselves. I don't like men who just say"whatever you want baby". I want him to make choices too. Show some confidence in himself.

[stan4]

Some people don't like to make choices and choose what to do because they don't want to be responsible for the outcome if it's bad. Those people are lame.

[mongoslade223]

Originally Posted by stan4

Hm...I dunno...I mean, neither my wife nor I tell each other what to do with anything. We often ask each other favors, and if we can't manage it or don't feel like doing it, we have both said no (with an explanation). I trust her advice and her judgement and we've found no reason to argue about anything like 'control.'

To me the only control it's about is control of yourself.

Let's say 3 weeks into the relationship she calls you up @ 3:45 am asking you to run to the store and pick her up a pint of rocky road ice cream.

You have a very important meeting @ 7:00 am and need your sleep. This is obviously not an emergency.

Whatever you answer will set the tone for the remainder of the relationship. If you say yes, don't be surprised to get other, more ridiculous request in the future. If that does not bother you, then by all means say yes.


If however you say no and gets upset and leaves, you have just saved yourself one huge headache and not wasted much time in doing so.

[stan4]

Mongo, the problem with your example is that I wouldn't be with someone who would make ridiculous requests. If she called and woke me up that early, it would be for a good reason (and vice versa). If your problem is 'setting the tone' with a bunch of psychos, of course you are going to have issues. Easy solution: do not attempt to have a relationship with any psychos.

[si33]

Please place all Psychos back in the box..And not next to the Crayolas..

[SandyCo]

I couldn't imagine telling someone what to wear, so that first example wouldn't work on me! If an issue did come up and his answer was always "no" without an explanation, then of course, I'd rethink staying in the relationship! Isn't that a no-brainer?!